All The Leaves Are Falling Down

As regular readers (if any are left!) will have noticed, my blogging has trailed off dramatically the past couple of years and has become practically non-existent since this May.

I know why.

I’ve been embracing ‘real life’ more and not wanting to sit down in front of my laptop and blog. This makes me happy but it also makes me sad because I’ve missed capturing some amazing moments of my life on my blog such as my 40^th birthday party last October (that post still remains half complete) and our whole month spent in Florida this year.

I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do.

Time is precious and I want to stop it.

Right now!

MC and TC are both 6 and 3 years old now. I started this blog as a place to record my life as a stay-at-home mum and to document their early adventures so they had a place to read about it when I was older.

I feel like I’ve failed.

Although I have to admit, I have been keeping a little finger in the blogging pie, as it were, by writing some blog posts for Muddy Puddles who provide the most amazing children’s waterproofs and outdoor clothing. I love being a ‘Muddy Parent’. Not only does it mean we get sent a few items from the team, it encourages to become more outdoorsy – something which I openly admit we can fail at sometimes after a hard week. It also means that keeping myself in with blogging may encourage me to return properly.

Watch this space!

Anyway, we’ve explored more places around where we live and realised just how pretty awesome it is. The summer came and went in a flurry of outdoor adventures and then something big happened.

TC started nursery at his big sisters school this September.

With him only turning 3 in March, he seems so little in his uniform. His first day he was super excited and happy but the nerves kicked in when he got into class. Our daughter was allowed to go into his class to try and reassure him – it’s such a big deal for such small children.

Both the kids are well equipped for school with their coats from Muddy Puddles. What’s great is they have a dedicated section on their website for all your school needs. We love the ‘Originals Jacket’, which comes in 5 different colours, as it’s completely waterproof but so lightweight. Absolutely perfect for this time of year.

After a first week of a few of tears he has settled in great and is really starting to come out of himself. He chats our heads off at home and around people he knows but he can clam up in social environments. He had been going to playgroup four mornings a week up until July and not once did they hear him say one word!

I have to admit I was worried about him. He is a total mummy’s boy. The fact he didn’t speak at playgroup was a concern but I think, looking back, that we put pressure on him to speak which made the situation worse for him. We’ve since changed our tactics and ignored his lack of speech in these environments and just encouraged him more when he did speak in situations where he was anxious.

As the weather starts to turn noticeably cooler they are exploring Autumn at school and my usually quiet boy has suddenly taken to singing this little song he learnt at school…

All the leaves are falling down
Orange, yellow, red and brown

When I picked him up last week he was sporting a special “Super star” sticker and his teacher told me he’d actually sung in class. I was so happy! I finally think my little shy boy is realising he can get so much more out of things when he just lets himself go.

After school we went on a lovely walk in the Autumn sunshine and looked at the changing colours of the leaves. October really is a beautiful month to be out and about. Although it’s been unusually warm there is that freshness in the air that only the shoulder months can bring.

As we walked, we sang. I felt a lump in my throat.

All the leaves are falling down
Orange, yellow, red and brown

I feel like my little leaf is branching off on his own and I couldn’t be more proud.

I am proud to be part of the Muddy Puddles Muddy Parent team.

I am sent a small number of items but never receive any cash incentive.

All photographs, words, views and opinions are entirely my own.

 

Mummy's Boy! My fault?

Tiny Ched is my youngest.

My boy.

My baby.

My last.

Maybe it's my fault he's the way he is?

Maybe because I know I'm not having any more babies I've somehow made him more clingy.

He's a mummy's boy through and through.

"Want mummy to dress me!"

"Want Mummy to come!"

"Want Mummy to sit there!"

"Want mummy!"

"WANT MUMMY!"

"WANT MUMMY!"

It's both lovely and exhausting in equal measures.

Maybe it's a boy thing?

Maybe they are more dependent on their mothers?

MC was never like this.

Sure, she used to want me a lot but she was never this bad. She certainly never used to have to be physically peeled off me at the doorstep of play school.

Yes, TC has started going to play school. The same one that MC attended a few years back. The same women run it and I know how great it is there. The gender split is somewhat skewed there though.

"I think there was a 'boy boom' around here two years ago" they said to me as they signed him up before half term. "We have 18 children and only 4 of them are girls".

I think this could be where some of the problem lies. I'm not sure. TC is used to more female biased company. He spends a considerable amount of time with me and with MC. Also, he's certainly never been thrust into a situation where he's surrounded by 13 other boys - a couple of them boisterous at that.

Yesterday was only his 4th time at play school and I realise it's very early days but it was a particularly heart wrenching morning at the drop off. He started before we've even got out of the house...

"Don't want to go play school!"

Refusal to put his shoes and coat on.

"Want mummy come!"

Refusal to get in the car.

"Want mummy come to play school!"

Outside the gate he's sobbing. Not screaming or kicking. Just loud heart wrenching sobs and tugging at me to walk him away from the door.

The door opens.

The delivery of my boy is quick.

Like ripping a plaster off.

"It's the best way" they tell me.

As he's peeled from my arms he turns to me. Snot and tears fill his tiny face and he shouts "MUMMY!" with a look of terror one last time before they take him inside and I walk away.

I keep walking to the car.

I don't look back.

Snot and tears begin to fill my face.

I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I remember MC had a few wobbly moments. Half an hour later I would get a text message from play school to say she was fine. Sometimes they'd even send me a photo of her playing happily.

Not this time though.

They never text me about TC.

Because they know, and I know, he's not fine.

Through each session he doesn't want to join in. He doesn't want to play. He doesn't want to listen to stories. He doesn't want to have a drink or snack. He just stands there completely out of his depth silently sobbing occasionally.

Maybe it's my fault?

Maybe it is something I've done as a stay-at-home mum?

Maybe it's just a phase?

Maybe he'll grow out of it?

I really don't know.

What I do know though, is that having a mummy's boy is messing with my heart. On the one hand I want him to be independent but on the other I love the fact he wants me and I never want to let him go.

My boy.

My baby.

My last.

Happy 2nd Birthday Little Man

He's 2 today.

I can't believe it.

Doesn't seem right calling him Tiny Ched anymore. He's really growing into a proper little boy.

He loves cars, trucks, diggers, trains, helicopters and aeroplanes. He also has a fondness for One Direction!

He adores his Micro Scooter and has done for the past year. Everyone who sees him whizz past always comments on how he looks too little to be able to scoot so well.

I'm hoping he has the same passion for the first bike we've bought him for today.

His speech is coming on in leaps and bounds and despite being a strong-minded little boy he is the cutest, funniest and most loving little boy we could ask for.

Here's to the coming year. I just hope it goes slow as I don't want to give up my baby boy just yet.

Happy Birthday TC. Mummy and Daddy love you so so much xx

28th March 2012

28th March 2013

28th March 2014

#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (August)

August has passed by in a blur. I really can't believe how quick the summer holidays have gone.

It's gone that fast that even though we've had so many opportunities on days out to capture a special family photograph, sadly we haven't.

Big mummy fail.

Anyway, I've been taking a bit of a blogging/Twitter/Facebook break lately and today I realised it was the end of the month and I didn't have a photograph for Me and Mine. I thought I may skip this month but that's just crazy. Why let a whole month pass without a family photo when it's something I could get easily if I wanted to? So, armed with my iPhone and its reverse camera I took the photo below at 5.30pm.

We are all absolutely knackered but it was the first and only photo I took and it sums up the day for us.

You see, today was a special day.

Matt and I took Mini Cheddar to the cinema for her first time, out to lunch afterwards and then treated her to some Lego Friends. Yes, the day was just under £100 but it was totally worth it. MC starts full-time school on Wednesday and I will miss her terribly. It was lovely to get out and spoil her on her own as we don't get to do that. In fact, although I've been out with MC and Matt has separately, we've never been out with her on our own together since before the end of last March when Tiny Ched was born.

It did feel so strange being without TC though and the day has left me feeling somewhat emotionally exhausted. I kept thinking of others who have lost their children and it filled me with even more sadness than it usually does. The thought of not having TC in our lives just doesn't bear thinking about and I began to miss him so much. Judging by how clingy he's being with me this evening, I think he missed me too.

So this evening is a mix of emotions for me but I think you can tell from this photo that MC has had the best day ever.

And that's what matters most.

Blogging Confessions And Tiny Ched

My name is Heather and it's been two weeks since I last blogged.

Yes, this feels very much like I need to join some sort of blogging confessions therapy group. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm not feeling the love right now.

I don't know if it's to do with the summer holidays, the house move, my new life in a new home and neighbourhood, lack of time, lack of motivation or what but I can't seem to get my head into blogging much right now. I've stepped back from Twitter too. That's generally a lovely place to be but, quite frankly, I've heard about some bad stuff on there of late.

I'm also trying to decide where I should go with my blog. I need more time. It is desperately due an overhaul. I haven't got time in the evening as Matt works hard all day so we like to spend time together at night.

Perhaps the blogging mojo will come back after September when Mini Cheddar starts full time school. Who knows?

At the moment we are middle of the school holidays. MC has made lots of little friends in our new neighbourhood and so, when we are at home, she's playing out most of the day. I could be throwing myself into my blog a bit during the day but I'm trying to spend time enjoying my little man (and when he's napping I'm just enjoying time on my own - or cleaning the house!).

Tiny Ched is growing up so fast it's scary. Doesn't seem like a minute since he was born (although it also feels like he's always been here in a strange way) and yet, here he is, almost 17 months old.

TC is my last baby. I said I'd like either 2 or 4 children and, although our new house could more than easily accommodate 2 more, Matt and I feel like we should quit while we are ahead in a way. We have been truly blessed with two very bright, very happy and, thankfully, very healthy children. Plus, I turn 40 next year *screams and runs for the wrinkle cream*

So 2 it is.

2 is more than enough though.

TC is a spirited little man. He's full of smiles and cuddles, has THE cutest waddle and grin but at the same time he is the biggest drama queen when he can't get what he wants. If you tell him no or even just look at him and shake your head he'll act like it's the end of the world.

He's also a climber.

Sir Edmund Hillary scales another chair mountain

I don't remember MC being this bad. Perhaps it's a girl / boy difference or perhaps it comes from the fact the second one always wants to do more to be like their older sibling. It can be exhausting.

Seriously exhausting.

Some days I feel like I'm constantly telling him not to do something. I seem to spend my time plucking him down from cabinets he's trying to scale like Edmund Hillary. Or I'll be trying to grab something from him that he shouldn't have and he knows it. He'll look at me with a cheeky expression, show me what's in his hand and then run off at full speed laughing as he knows I'll take chase. I swear he's going to be a serious contender to Usain Bolt's records soon. The boy is fast.

But I'm enjoying it.

I'm enjoying watching him explore his new and exciting world. I'm enjoying the fun he brings to our lives. I'm enjoying the fact he absolutely loves his sleep. I'm enjoying his cuddles when he's tired. I'm enjoying his loving and incredible bond with his big sister - we will both miss her on a daily basis in September - the kids generally play so lovely together.

Yes, I'm enjoying my kids and I'm enjoying my life.

Each and every day (even when it's not a particularly good day) I am so thankful that both my children are here with us and happy and healthy.

I feel truly blessed.

Blessed with a beautiful family, supportive parents and Sister, amazing friends (both near and far) and a wonderful home.

What more could a girl (I can still call myself a girl at almost 40, can't I?) possibly want?

I guess I want my blogging mojo to return for the sake of these two as I love having somewhere to look back on a record of their lives and I want them to have it to read when they're older.

I am hopeful it will return in full force but, for now, I'm sure they will understand mummy has taken a little break.

#SilentSunday 96

#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (April)

This was a last minute photo.

I suddenly panicked with a day to go, realising that I hadn't taken a family portrait for Lucy's 'Me and Mine' link up. It's something I really want to keep up with as this first year of Tiny Ched's life passed us all by with no photos of all four of us.

March was a busy month and April has been just as hectic.

I'm probably going to jinx this now by revealing this on my blog but...

...we are going to move house!

I didn't want to officially announce it until we had exchanged contracts (we haven't yet) but, at the moment, I don't see that anything is going to change *crosses everything* I haven't even told all my friends yet as I haven't wanted to say anything until it's all legal.

It's an exciting time but it's also scary. A lot has happened, both good and bad, over theses past few months but I'm hoping the future, for everyone, is going to be full of as much love and happiness as possible.

Our new house is gorgeous. It's so much bigger than the one we are in now and we are all looking forward to moving and making it our home. Our current house sold on it's first viewing which was amazing (it's so nice not having to worry about viewings with two small children messing the place up!) but it also pulled at my heart strings a bit.

This is the house that...

...Matt and I bought together 7 years ago
...we left from and returned to the night he asked me to marry him
...just 3 short months later (almost 6 years ago) we spent our wedding eve in
...we also spent our wedding night in
...we conceived both our children in
...we brought both our children home to after they were born
...we made a home

and

...has experienced so much love and happiness

I'm sure our new house will be filled with just as much love and happiness though. After all, they are only walls.

We are the essence of the house and home.

So this is a very poignant photo as, I think, it will be the last one of us all taken in this house.

We are due to move at the end of June...and we still have over 3 weeks holidaying in Florida to get through! We booked the holiday after deciding, last year, that we weren't going to move. Now we are doing both. Eek! Matt and I are totally knackered (as you can see) so I'm hoping a bit of sun recharges us - even if we could do without the holiday in the middle of all this.

Yes, life is very hectic right now.

But life, on the whole, is very good.

Super Scooting Fun With Micro Scooters!

Double the fun!

You know when you have something that you really, REALLY want to try but you can't? You have to wait. And the wait almost kills you.

Yeah. That.

That's what the last few weeks have been like for poor Mini Cheddar.

Towards the end of March we were lucky enough to be sent two amazing scooters thanks to Micro Scooters UK.

Firstly, the 3 in 1 Mini Seat Scooter for Tiny Ched and the Mini Micro Scooter for MC.

There was no problem testing TC's scooter out as he gets plenty of use out of it around the house but with the 18.5" of snow (and illness) that hit us a few weeks back there was no way that MC could get out and about to really put her new wheels to the test.

The 3 in 1 Mini Seat kit

So we've had to wait.

But boy, was it worth it!

The 3 in 1 Mini Seat had already totally impressed me though. An ideal purchase for 1 to 3 year olds, the Mini Seat adapts into 3 different scooters for each age. A sit on scooter with an O-bar for 12 months plus, remove the seat for 2 years plus and then swap the O-bar for a T-bar from 3 years plus (probably up to the age of 5). All this is included in the price of £74.95* and, what's more, this is an award winning scooter. It won ' Best Toddler Toy at the 2012 Nuremburg Toy Fair'.

It's easy to see why.

TC loves it.

Loving it!

He's not doing so well with his walking - he's too lazy! His big sister was walking before her 1st birthday but TC is showing no solid signs, despite turning one at the end of March. He walks around cruising the furniture no problem and can stand unaided a little when he wants to but if you try and walk him, even holding his hands, he just sits down. The Mini Seat is helping him though, I think. He is actually starting to move his feet to walk whilst he's on it and it's great for a lazy boy like him as he can do it all sitting down.

Indoor scooter races - such fun!

The scooter is very well made. It's a Swiss design which is solid and sturdy and the O-bar has a great grip - TC also loves chewing on the O-bar and has become a teething relief! I'm seriously impressed with it and friends have commented on how fab it is and their babies love it too.

Moving onto the Mini Micro Scooter. As I said previously, we had to wait a while to test this scooter out properly as we couldn't get outdoors. We did, however, enjoy some indoor scooter races in the lounge which MC and TC both loved.

So, with a hint of Spring finally in the air it was time to take the Mini Micro Scooter for a test drive outdoors. Now I have to admit that MC isn't the best scooter rider. She tends to scoot far too fast and isn't co-ordinated enough to lean and turn properly but she got on great with the Mini Micro.

Easily goes under the pushchair

Again, it's really sturdy and well built and the handles are really comfy to grip for her. Obviously the best thing about it according to her was "It's pink"! The best thing about it from my point of view is the sturdiness of the design. I also love how easy it is to take apart and put back together. This means it fits easily underneath the pushchair so I can take it to and from school when I drop MC off or pick her up.

Lean and turn

The scooter is turned by leaning left or right with the handle which MC struggled with at first (she must get her co-ordination from her Daddy *cough*) but in no time at all she was whizzing up and down and loving it. The Mini Micro is the perfect size for her and I have no doubt it will be keeping her happy for the next couple of years. She's just turned 4 and I think the scooter is perfect for her age. They are marketed at 3-5 year olds and the one we reviewed was priced at £49.95*. The next size up scooter (the Maxi Micro) is marketed at 6-12 year olds so I think she may be a little bit too small yet.

Tongue out for added effect

It certainly is a hit with her and now she's discovered that there are lots of super cool scooter accessories and cool bits to add on. She already has a bike helmet so we will be using that with it to keep her safe but I think I'll have to buy her a zooter - how cute!

Scoot scoot!

What's great about Micro Scooters is there's a whole community to explore so you can really get involved. You can really tell that Anna & Philippa (the two mums who set the company up) have a real passion for all things scooter. They even have a community and blog which gives ideas on where to scoot and things to do so you really can get the most from your purchase. I can't wait to try out the Hen & Eggs scooter game which looks like great fun for young kids.

So, if you're looking for a great quality scooter for your kids then Micro Scooters UK definitely have the best scooters out there in our opinion. Super fast delivery and friendly service too. What's not to love?

We've already recommended them to quite a few friends and will continue to do so as we think they are fab!

This is not a sponsored post.  

We were sent both scooters to review 

but all photographs, words, views and opinions are entirely my own.

*prices correct at time of writing

Tiny Ched 1 Today!

It's a happy day today.

Tiny Ched was born a year ago.

I can't believe my beautiful baby boy is 1.

I say it's a happy day but there's a bit of me that's sad. Those who know me or read my blog will know why, so I won't go into detail, but let's just say I have so much to be thankful for. Today, as well as enjoying TC's birthday, I am also thinking of others less fortunate.

TC is such a gorgeous little boy. He's happy, smiley, cuddley, inquisitive, charming and, most importantly, loves his sleep. He's given us so much joy and is loved by all - especially his big sister.

He's not really near to walking yet (a lot later than his sister who was walking by this age) but he can free-stand and cruises with ease. He's doing some lovely things - waving, clapping his hands and doing high fives etc. Watching him learn through play each day is incredible. He also does the cutest 'head tilt' you've ever seen. Unfortunately he's not too well at the moment but we are going to try and make the best of the day.

So Happy Birthday, Tiny Ched. We love you very much xx

28th March 2012

28th March 2013

A Little Bit Lost

I've had grand plans lately.

Plans to get on top of the housework. Plans to throw myself back into blogging. Plans to get more 'me' time to read blogs. Plans to get more time to comment on blogs. Plans to reply to comments on my own blog. Plans to throw myself back into my freelance work. Plans to see my friends and family more. Plans to to spend more quality time with Matt and the children.

All plans that keep going out of the window.

I'm feeling a little bit lost if I'm completely honest.

I can't get my head into gear.

The last 6 weeks or so have been an emotional roller coaster. The news of Matilda Mae's passing has completely rocked me. Not a day has gone by since I heard the news that my thoughts haven't turned to Jennie and her family. Not a day has gone by when I haven't shed a tear. Not a day has gone by when I haven't looked at Tiny Ched and thought of Baby Tilda.

Matt's Grandmother passed away middle of February too. It's been a hard time for all.

It's also not been helped by illness striking our house full-on. First Matt was laid up in bed (again - we were all really poorly in January too) for two or three days. Then we spent all last week in a severe state of worry about TC and ended up being referred to the hospital Friday night. But that's a whole other blog post in itself!

We've also had Mini Cheddar turning 4 in the middle of all this. Cue birthday day celebrations followed by a big party at the weekend.

My life just seems like a long 'to do' list.

None of which seems to be getting done.

What am I doing?

Where are the days going?

I don't seem to be achieving anything right now.

I see images on Instagram or blog posts with family days out or fun days in and I can't help but feel completely jealous. I'm a stay-at-home-mum. Surely I can find time to fill my children's lives with fun activities?

I'm feeling like a failure.

I seem to be shouting a lot too.

Then I feel incredibly guilty. Even though MC is testing her boundaries a little, I still shouldn't be raising my voice to her. What sort of example am I setting?

I love my children more than anything. The guilt that I'm not being a good Mummy right now is tearing me apart and making me feel even worse. It's like a vicious circle.

TC is almost back to 100% health, thankfully. He'll be celebrating his 1st birthday next Thursday (28th) and I want to do something special.

Really special.

Susanne has inspired me to do a cake smash, that much I have thought about, but the rest is unknown. We have immediate family coming over the day after his birthday for a small get-to-gether. However, the thought of having to even cater for that and clean the house just makes me want to curl up in a ball.

Yes, I feel a bit lost about his birthday too.

How can I be planning and celebrating his 1st birthday when another mother...another blogger...a friend is grieving for her beautiful baby girl?

So yes, I'm feeling a little bit lost.

In fact, this blog post is a little bit lost.

I don't even know where it's going.  All I know is that I need to blog my feelings tonight, even though they are a little bit lost.

Let's hope I find myself again soon.

Photo credit

Ahoy There Pushchair Lovers - It's The Cosatto Yo!

I hold my hands up...

*holds hands straight up and looks a bit ashamed*

I should have written this post a few weeks back. Things have been a little hectic lately but I also think that subconsciously I'm upset that my time as a Cosatto Brand Buddy has come to an end.

And I really don't want it to end.

I have to say that Cosatto products rock. And when I say that 'I have to say...' I don't REALLY mean I have to say...nobody is forcing me to say it..I want to say it...because they DO rock! Confused? Probably. I do have a tendency to ramble on my blog.

Excitement as soon as it arrived!

Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes...Cosatto products.

Well, Tiny Ched and I have had sooooo much fun. As a Cosatto Brand Buddy we've got to review the superb Noodle Highchair and the fabulous new Moon Unit travel cot/play pen. Also, before I was asked to be a Brand Buddy, we were sent to Swift Lite Supa pushchair which we fell in love with. I really didn't think anything could top it.

Until now.

We are certainly going out with a bang! Last month we were sent the incredible special edition Ahoy There Cosatto Yo! pushchair to review.

What do I think of it?

In a word...AWESOMENESS.

Yes, I'm just making up words now (sorry!). But it really is awesomeness.

Just the right size for MC's doggy ;-)

So much so that Matt and I are seriously considering taking the Yo! to Florida with us.

Now, I'm not saying we don't love the Swift Lite Supa. We do. It's just the Yo! has the edge on the manoeuvrability. It glides like an absolute dream. Yes, the Swift Lite Supa is a little more compact and lighter (I think...) but I've fallen for the Yo!

What's not to love?

Available in 6 eye-catching designs, the Yo! is the ultimate in funky design. It's lightweight aluminium chassis folds down umbrella-stylee into super compact easy to put in the boot (there's a mouthful!). It's got an automatic locking system which clicks into place when you put the pushchair away and it's even got a carry handle.

It's suitable from birth as it reclines fully flat but what's also great about the recline is that YOU can control it so there's no set positions - whatever works for you and your little one. It comes with a detachable head-hugger for small babies too.

MC even co-ordinated her hat and gloves with the Yo!

As with all the Cosatto products the attention to detail of the design is second to none. The 'Ahoy There' stripes and funky skull and crossbones go throughout the pushchair. They are even underneath the hood so your little one has something cool to look at. It comes complete with a funky fully fleeced footmuff (try saying that when you've had a few scoobies) with kangaroo pouch to keep little fingers warm in this crazily cold weather we've been having. It also comes with a rain cover (in a matching bag/bottle holder), reversible seat liner (fleece for winter and light for summer) and...wait for it *drum roll*...a matching change bag!

Seriously, the team at Cosatto have thought of everything.

The thing that we love the most (Matt and my parents have said this too) is how easy it is to push. It's just so lovely and glides along like it's on ice. I'm so pleased with it that it's my first choice when I'm out and about and will be forever, I think.

So, I'm going to leave you with my slightly rambling vlog review of the Yo! in which I am obsessing about the fact I didn't get chance to wash my hair this morning.

Yes, I've stooped to a new low.

I have no shame.

I tried to get away without unveiling my greasy mop on the world but, alas, it wasn't to be. Enjoy.

I wonder if I can become a brand buddy for a dry shampoo company next?




The Cosatto Yo! Ahoy There retails at £265 but is available online for as little as £207*

This is not a sponsored post.  

We were sent the Cosatto Yo! to review 

but all photographs, video, words, views opinions and unwashed hair are entirely my own.

*price correct at time of writing

#SilentSunday 84

Inspired by...

2 Years Of Blogging TODAY!

I still can't believe that exactly 2 years ago today I wrote my very first crap blog post. Yes, it's my 2 year Blogoversary today.

2 years.

2 YEARS!

What a 2 years it's been.

I've laughed, I've loved, I've made friends, I've lost friends, I've jumped for joy, I've cried tears and in the middle of it all I gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy.

I can't believe another year of blogging has gone by. I've not blogged as much this year and I'll be the first to admit that my time and energy has gone into my family life more. I feel like I have the balance right now. I do sometimes wish I had more time to spend on Twitter and other blogs reading the amazing things that are out there but that will come in time as my baby boy grows. For now, I'm enjoying every minute with him, MC and Matt.

This time last year I reflected back on my first year of blogging so this year it's time to look back over 2012.

Before I start I want to say I'm dedicating this post to the beautiful and inspirational Kerry AKA Multiple Mummy. I've said before that she started blogging just after me and, along with a couple of other amazing women, she felt like my blogging sister. I had the pleasure of spending some time with her and she was even more lovely in real life than she was on her blog. Sadly, Kerry passed away just before Christmas. Her passing has left me so shocked and has made me realise that you really never know what is around the corner so you should seize every moment with both hands. I'm certainly more determined than ever not to stress the little stuff.

Kerry was only 30 and leaves behind a loving husband and 3 very young children. May 2013 be full of love, health, happiness and strength for them.

So, here's my blogging journey for 2012...


January
The year kicked off in amazing style. Matt, Mini Cheddar and I (complete with baby bump) jetted off for 3 whole, and totally amazing, weeks in Florida. It was to be a holiday we would never EVER forget and we can't wait to go back to Orlando.

February
Despite MC only having a dummy at night time we managed to successfully get her straight off the dummy when we returned from our holiday. 3 cheers for the dummy fairy! I also celebrated a year of volunteering for my local Save The Children shop. Matt flew off to America for a job interview when I was heavily pregnant and fighting a lot of bad feelings.

March
Matt didn't get the job in America...much to my relief. We celebrated MC's 3rd Birthday - I still can't believe what a beautiful and clever little girl Matt and I produced. I was brave enough to post a picture of me and my huge bump at almost 40 weeks pregnant.

April
I announced the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Tini Ched (TC), on the blog (born 28th March). He was, and still is, perfection. I wrote, in my opinion, one of my best ever blog posts which discusses caesarean section and the stigma attached to it. I was overwhelmed by the response it received from comments, tweets, DM's and e-mails. I also blogged TC's birth story. I raised some smiles with my 'You Know You've Just Had A Baby' post.

May
Matt landed a shiny new job! I was nominated for not one but two MAD Blog Awards for Best Pregnancy and Best Baby Blog. Thank you once again for all those who voted for me. Another post which I'm a little bit proud of followed - this time about the benefits to us of co-sleeping. Something else which has a bit of a stigma attached to it.

June
I started to think about 'coming out' and admitting to all friends and family that I wrote a blog. Bank Holiday Bedlam took place which involved a lot of vomiting and crying. It was a day I'll never forget! Tiny Ched was 12 weeks old already!

July
I decided I am going to keep quiet in future and not blog about things smugly for fear of them going wrong! I blogged about thoughts and feeling I'd been having since having children and it stuck a chord with a lot of you. MC had the MOTHER of all tantrums.

August
Despite her outburst the previous month, I was reminded just what a hilarious and brilliant daughter MC is. My house was invaded by a slimy little f**ker!

September
I, thanks to you guys, was awarded the Best Baby Blog at The MAD Blog Awards. I couldn't make the ceremony and found out via Twitter. To say I was totally gobsmacked was a complete understatement.

October
Matt resigned from his new job without a job to go to. It was a crazy few weeks but one we got through and it turned out to be the best decision he made. I was chosen to be a Cosatto Brand Buddy which was amazing. I developed mastitis which was a bitch!

November
I remembered Betty Dogface one year on. I took the decision to give up breastfeeding TC at 7 months following mastitis. I was gutted. I went back to my volunteer job at Save The Children after being off on maternity. Once again I felt the incredible power of the blogging community as we joined together to heal Kerry. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be.

December
This was a month that saw me mainly survive blogging via Silent Sunday posts due to battling a run of bad health and just being VERY busy with everything. I did manage to find time to question where my tits had disappeared to though!


So here's to 2013.

Thank you to you, my lovely blog readers. Thank you for sticking with me through the good and the bad and, once again, thank you for all your support. Happy New Year to each and every one of you. May your 2013 be full of the love, health and happiness you all deserve.

*raises a glass of wine / vodka / beer / sherry / gin / champers*
(delete as applicable)

CHEERS!

R.I.P. Kerry
xxx 

#SilentSunday 80

Inspired by...

#SilentSunday 79

Inspired by...

Being A Big Sister

Being a Big Sister is a tough gig but someone has to do it

Being a Big Sister means you can make your Brother cry if you shout at him when he's tired

Being a Big Sister means you get your face felt. A lot. It makes you giggle. A lot.

Being a Big Sister means you have to think of new ways to stop your brother getting your small toys

Being a Big Sister means you get to hold your brother's hand

Being A Big Sister means you will always put a protective arm around your Brother

Being a Big Sister also means you help to get your brother 'dressed'

Being A Big Sister means you can read your brother a bedtime story

Being a Big Sister means your brother loves you just as much as you love him

NOTE: No babies were harmed during the making of this post.

To Continue To Breastfeed Or Not To Continue To Breastfeed...

...that is the question I've had to wrestle with over the past week or so.

It's not been an easy decision to make.

Not in the slightest.

Those of you who read my post last week will know I got the dreaded mastitis. To say I was ill was a bit of an understatement - I felt horrendous. The antibiotics and the anti-imflammotories, although perfectly safe in breastfeeding, caused Tiny Ched to be seriously sickly. He couldn't hold any of my milk down so I was advised by the doctor to take a break from breastfeeding whilst on the tablets for a week.

I was heartbroken.

I'd breastfed TC for 7 months. In fact, it was the day before he turned 7 months that he started throwing up violently.

28th March 2012
A newly born TC
I can't tell you how much I love this little man
and I will always do the best for him

I think as soon as I realised I'd have to take a break that it would ultimately be the end.

Anyone who's breastfed and stopped, be it through choice or through force, it's quite an emotional roller coaster. I remember being extremely teary when I stopped breastfeeding Mini Cheddar 3 years ago - even though it was my choice to stop. My hormones were all over the place.

This hasn't been my choice though.

I know the mastitis wasn't my fault but I'm still beating myself up about it. A teething TC caused a cut on my nipple and that's how the bacteria got in. Couldn't be helped. It got hold of me in the night so the real damage was done by the time the excruciating pain woke me at 5.30am.

Anyway, before I ramble on and on, I've decided not to continue to breastfeed after this break.

There, I said it.

I've absolutely loved breastfeeding TC - my breastfeeding experience (mastitis aside) has been wonderful and so it's been a really hard decision to stop. I'm okay when my mind is taken off of it but when I'm alone, tired or just having cuddles with TC my heart aches (as well as my boobs!).

I could try and re-establish breastfeeding but I've chosen not to for the following reasons:

* I don't think I want to go through the hormonal effect of stopping again
* I'm scared to crap that I'm going to get mastitis again (it's nasty!)
* TC is teething sooo badly again. I see him tearing up the bottle teats and I'm so thankful it's not my nipple
* After TC flatly refusing the bottle for 7 months he's taken to it brilliantly
* I'm scared of being rejected
* I've done 7 months. I call that quite good going!
* I can drink copious amounts wine, eat spicy curry and baked beans*

I could become a 'pumping mummy' but I don't want to go down that road. Some completely pro-breastfeeding people (I'm talking about the extreme breast feeders) may think I'm being slightly selfish but I don't see it like this.

I'm not against formula milk in the slightest. What works best for mum and baby is what matters - there is no use trying to breastfeed or re-establish breastfeeding if it's going to make one of you (or both) unhappy.

Many women try and fail to breastfeed - good for them for trying. Many women choose not to even try for various reasons - this is their decision and if it works for them then good for them too.

Although I'm upset about stopping, I'm happy in my choice not to continue if that makes sense? Yes, I would liked to have carried on but I think I can forgive myself and pat myself on the back and the same time too...although I'm not sure that's physically possible?

Thanks to all those who offered their support on here, Email. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, G+ - you lovely people rock!

Right, where's that bottle of wine?





* I'm obviously joking with this one! "hic"