#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait…The Blogiversary Edition (December)

Today marks the day I started blogging.

3 years ago!

Such a lot has happened in those 3 years.

Good and bad.

2013 has been a strange year.

Personally it's been good. Apart from a bad bout of food poisoning which wiped most of September and October out we've had another amazing holiday to Orlando and we also moved to our dream house. We love it here SO much.

I've also struggled though. Struggled to make sense of a cruel world. Struggled to know some of my best friends, close friends and fellow bloggers have been going through such unbearably hard times. 2013 has been such a hard year for so many.

I've tried to stay grounded for the sake of Matt and the kids but it's been hard. 

I've been torn between feeling so low because of all that's happened and trying to make our lives more fun and exciting - creating more memories. I still struggle with this a lot.

The lovely Lucy from Dear Beautiful started Me And Mine at the beginning of the year and I was lucky enough to discover it in April. It's my favourite linky of all time. Such a simple idea but one that makes such you capture complete family moments forever. Memories are what matter and I know that now.

I've thought about quitting on my blog but I just can't. I started this blog as somewhere to document my thoughts, my life, my world. If something was to happen to me I want this little piece of me to live on.

3 years and 420 posts later I'm still here.

I have plans for my blog. Plans to document the life of my kids more. Plans to talk more about our lives, our home, our future. Plans to blog more. Plans to join back in with Silent Sunday. I hope I make those plans a reality.

You know, in 3 years of blogging I've never written about Christmas. Not once.

That makes me feel really sad.

We had a lovely Christmas Day this year. There were 10 of us. Yes, it was hectic. Yes, it was noisy. Yes, it was hard work. But despite this it was lovely. We were two families brought together by Matt and I and the kids. We made some lovely memories that I will treasure.

It was perfect.

I had plans to ask someone to take a family photo of us on Christmas Day but it didn't happen. I forgot in all the busyness of it all. So, these photos were taken yesterday (I know, I know…nothing like leaving it to the last minute!). I've been suffering with a bad cough/cold and MC has had a bad cough too. But we're happy.

They are the last photos of our little family in 2013 so despite them not being perfect to the outside world - they are perfect to me.

Now head over to the lovely Lucy's blog for Me & Mine end of year loveliness 

Which Way To Turn?

Right now I really don't know which way to turn.

I'm struggling a little.

I know this blog post will turn into a rambling mess but I need a 'thought dump'. I apologise in advance if it doesn't make sense.

Life seems to be going at 100 miles an hour but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere or doing anything fulfilling. Maybe this is what being a stay-at-home-mum is like at its worst?

Maybe I'm not exactly 'loving it' at the moment.

Regular readers will notice large gaps in my posts over the past couple of months.

I spent most of September and the first part of October (yes, my food poisoning/stomach thing had a relapse) being really ill and it knocked me for six. To be perfectly honest, since then it's really made me think about things. I was that poorly that Matt (and I, if I'm honest) was really worried. It scared us. It made us both realise just how fragile life can be. Those times at the hospital when I was in agony and Matt felt so helpless were awful.

This morning I took TC to a soft-play centre. I needed to get out somewhere. Anywhere that wasn't shopping. I was going to meet up with the lovely Sarah who lives just down the road but she's poorly. It's a good job in a way as Sarah probably wouldn't have known what to do with me.

The song Firework by Katy Perry came on whilst I was there.

I welled up.

Then the tears became sobs.

Luckily there were only a couple of people in there and I was sat in a corner so was able to get away with it.

That song makes me think of Multiple Mummy and Matilda Mae.

It's funny but doing that in public made me realise something.

I'm feeling quite low.

Christmas is coming and everyone is getting excited.

I should be getting excited but deep down I'm not.

Yes, I am struggling.

Struggling to make sense of such a cruel world. Struggling to make sense of everything. Struggling not to be torn apart knowing that friends are suffering.

I want to make this Christmas so special for my family. It's our first Christmas in our lovely new home. We are having the whole of downstairs decorated and there is lovely colour everywhere. TC is more aware of everything this year. MC is beside herself with excitement and she's top of her class in school too. We have so much to look forward to but I just can't shake this feeling I have.

I'm also feeling like a failure. Everywhere I turn on social media I see posts and photos of lovingly home-cooked meals. I see photos of amazing crafts, brilliant messy-play, amazing days out and lots of fun and happiness.

I know most people only post the good stuff but I wonder how these people have the time to do the things that they do? I sometimes feel like my kids are living on pasta and fish fingers most of the time and we don't get out and about enough.

I know my kids are happy and loved and that's what counts but I still feel like I'm letting them down.

I'm also trying to decide what to do about my blog.

I have seriously 'lost that blogging feeling'.

I started this blog to document my life as a stay-at-home-mum and to give myself and my children memories. I've let us all down. Somedays I feel like quitting but blogging has brought me so much. It's brought me unbelievable amounts of love and support. More importantly, it's brought some amazing friends into my life.

At the moment though I don't see how I can fit blogging in. I am desperately trying to spend time with TC. He's growing up so quickly and I don't want him to grow up. Knowing he's my last baby pulls at my heart a little. My days are filled with spending time with my children. When MC's at school and TC has his afternoon nap I'm sorting washing or tidying the house. When the kids go to bed I want to spend time with Matt. We get so little time together on our own that our evenings (when he's not away with work) are so precious. I love my husband so much and the evenings are our time. I don't see how social media is going to fit in?

At the time this post goes live I have 182 un-read emails in my inbox because I really can't face going through them and the more I ignore them, the more they build up.

Anyway, I think I'm my own worst enemy.

When I'm feeling like this I cut myself off. I shy away from social media and I stay in the house a lot.

It doesn't do me any good.

Thankfully I have mainly good days but I also have a few bad days.

Luckily I recognise the signs.

I need a plan.

I need to know what I'm doing and where I'm going or I have a feeling I'll lose myself (and my blog) along the way. I need to shake off this doom and gloom feeling. This feeling that something really bad is going to happen to me or my family.

I need to feel happy all the time again.

I need to know which way to turn.

Watch this space...

Blogging Confessions And Tiny Ched

My name is Heather and it's been two weeks since I last blogged.

Yes, this feels very much like I need to join some sort of blogging confessions therapy group. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm not feeling the love right now.

I don't know if it's to do with the summer holidays, the house move, my new life in a new home and neighbourhood, lack of time, lack of motivation or what but I can't seem to get my head into blogging much right now. I've stepped back from Twitter too. That's generally a lovely place to be but, quite frankly, I've heard about some bad stuff on there of late.

I'm also trying to decide where I should go with my blog. I need more time. It is desperately due an overhaul. I haven't got time in the evening as Matt works hard all day so we like to spend time together at night.

Perhaps the blogging mojo will come back after September when Mini Cheddar starts full time school. Who knows?

At the moment we are middle of the school holidays. MC has made lots of little friends in our new neighbourhood and so, when we are at home, she's playing out most of the day. I could be throwing myself into my blog a bit during the day but I'm trying to spend time enjoying my little man (and when he's napping I'm just enjoying time on my own - or cleaning the house!).

Tiny Ched is growing up so fast it's scary. Doesn't seem like a minute since he was born (although it also feels like he's always been here in a strange way) and yet, here he is, almost 17 months old.

TC is my last baby. I said I'd like either 2 or 4 children and, although our new house could more than easily accommodate 2 more, Matt and I feel like we should quit while we are ahead in a way. We have been truly blessed with two very bright, very happy and, thankfully, very healthy children. Plus, I turn 40 next year *screams and runs for the wrinkle cream*

So 2 it is.

2 is more than enough though.

TC is a spirited little man. He's full of smiles and cuddles, has THE cutest waddle and grin but at the same time he is the biggest drama queen when he can't get what he wants. If you tell him no or even just look at him and shake your head he'll act like it's the end of the world.

He's also a climber.

Sir Edmund Hillary scales another chair mountain

I don't remember MC being this bad. Perhaps it's a girl / boy difference or perhaps it comes from the fact the second one always wants to do more to be like their older sibling. It can be exhausting.

Seriously exhausting.

Some days I feel like I'm constantly telling him not to do something. I seem to spend my time plucking him down from cabinets he's trying to scale like Edmund Hillary. Or I'll be trying to grab something from him that he shouldn't have and he knows it. He'll look at me with a cheeky expression, show me what's in his hand and then run off at full speed laughing as he knows I'll take chase. I swear he's going to be a serious contender to Usain Bolt's records soon. The boy is fast.

But I'm enjoying it.

I'm enjoying watching him explore his new and exciting world. I'm enjoying the fun he brings to our lives. I'm enjoying the fact he absolutely loves his sleep. I'm enjoying his cuddles when he's tired. I'm enjoying his loving and incredible bond with his big sister - we will both miss her on a daily basis in September - the kids generally play so lovely together.

Yes, I'm enjoying my kids and I'm enjoying my life.

Each and every day (even when it's not a particularly good day) I am so thankful that both my children are here with us and happy and healthy.

I feel truly blessed.

Blessed with a beautiful family, supportive parents and Sister, amazing friends (both near and far) and a wonderful home.

What more could a girl (I can still call myself a girl at almost 40, can't I?) possibly want?

I guess I want my blogging mojo to return for the sake of these two as I love having somewhere to look back on a record of their lives and I want them to have it to read when they're older.

I am hopeful it will return in full force but, for now, I'm sure they will understand mummy has taken a little break.

The Emotional Hangover - #BritMumsLive

It's Sunday 23rd June as I start to write this and I have an unbelievable hangover.

I didn't even drink last night.

I have an emotional hangover.

Yes, I spent Friday and Saturday at BritMums Live in London.

I'm sat here in a daze, trying to find the right words to sum up what I've just experienced.

Overwhelming, crazy, amazing, inspiring, happy, sad, whirlwind are just a few that spring immediately to mind.

There's one word that would stand out from them all though.

Friends.

When I started blogging 2.5 years ago I had no idea of the emotional journey my blog would send me off on. I had no idea just how much sheer joy and also sadness it would bring into my life. But I also had no idea just what amazing friends it would help me find.

Like minded people with a passion for sharing their stories.

Stories from the heart. Stories of love. Stories of tragedy. Stories that make you wish you were wearing Tena Lady!

Each and every one of us has our own stories to tell and the last 2 days have brought together some of the best storytellers around.

I can't begin to tell you how many people I admire that I saw again or met for the first time this weekend. I can't possibly name everyone so I apologise for that. I can only name a few or this post would go on forever. But, if we met and shared a hug (or many hugs like the very lovely Lauren), a smile or a natter, know that you are included in this post.

Firstly, I have to show huge love to my gorgeous friend Heather (aka @photopuddle who blogs at the lovely It's All About The Photos).

13th March 2012, just 15 days before I had TC, an email dropped in my inbox. Heather and I had been chatting on our blogs and Twitter for a while and getting to know each other but then she emailed me out of the blue. 107 lengthy emails later... (I work that out at over 1.5 emails a week average), sharing tales of our similar aged families, our hopes, our dreams and our secrets...we finally met on Friday morning at Euston Station.

It felt like we already knew each other. As someone who met her husband online just under 10 years ago I know just how great a bond made over the Internet can be.

Heather and I spent pretty much the whole weekend together and I enjoyed her company a lot (I just hope she felt the same!). We also treated ourselves to rooms at a gorgeous hotel only a stones throw from The Brewery.

Saying goodbye to her on Saturday evening was strange. Knowing that she lives so far from me (about 250 miles) is quite gutting. We have a girl and a boy both of very similar ages and living closer would mean the kids would probably be friends too. I'm hoping we can see each other as often as we possibly can though.

There were incredible friends I'd already met quite a few times this year. Susanne (@ghostwritermumm) and Lisa (@hollybobs). The 3 of us will always be good friends, I know we will. I don't need to tell you all just how much I think of them - they know. Susanne and I will also always have that bond as we shared our journey and our tears at Matilda Mae's funeral.

Matilda Mae.

A name that will be forever on my lips, in my head and in my heart.

Her mummy. Jennie (@Edspire). Someone I'm truly honoured to call a friend. She is, quite possibly, the most loveliest, kind hearted, honest and most inspiring person you could meet. It was so lovely to wrap my arms around her again this weekend.

7th March was the last time I had hugged Jennie. It was at Tilda's funeral. Susanne and I had read on behalf of the blogging community at the funeral and this time we had been asked to read Merry's words again.

At BritMums Live!

In front of a huge conference room full of extremely talented women (and men). Far more talented than me.

On stage.

Hot glaring lights dazzling our eyes.

I'd been emotional from the moment I woke up on Saturday (just ask Heather). I'd not been able to sleep the night before (despite the gorgeous hotel and comfortable bed) which only made everything worse. Listening to words read by the amazingly inspiring Katie Piper that morning sent me over the edge and I lost control.

At various points during the day I gave into the overriding emotion of it all.

Susanne and I got through speaking though. Holding hands. Just like we'd done at Tilda's funeral.

Somehow I did it even though I was completely terrified and emotional. I found it so much harder than I did at the funeral. The funeral was intimate, it was close family and friends of Jennie's. It seemed easier, although that seems like the wrong word to use.

With thanks to the wonderful My Two Mums for
capturing this moment for Susanne and I

This was more out there. More open. More people. More expectation. It was also being streamed over the Internet and I knew Merry and others would be watching us. Reading someone else's words, especially when they are watching, is hard. Really hard.

My heart, like everyone else's, aches for the loss that Jennie has had to go through. I didn't know how I was going to stand strong enough to read about it again.

I faltered a few times.

Fighting back tears.

Susanne grabbed my hand.

Then I could hold my tears back no longer.

I cracked.

But I finished my piece.

Although a lot redder and snottier than I'd started! I'm so glad we'd taken tissues up with us.

I can't really remember walking off the stage. I do remember I walked off still clutching hands with Susanne. I can't remember any clapping. I don't even know what Katy Hill (who was utterly amazing!) said when she came back on the stage. I just remember seeing Jennie's face and hugging her tightly.

The amazing keynotes continued and then came more emotional outpouring as we all joined together to remember Kerry who passed away at the end of last year. Kerry is another blogger friend I'd had the pleasure of meeting and the memory of her gorgeousness will stay with me forever.

I don't think there was a dry eye in the house throughout the whole evening.

It was all so powerful.

So emotional.

So real.

I ended it all with this tweet

Because I do.

I'm Going To BritMums Live!

You know me? Always late to the party, especially recently.

In fairness though, this linky made an appearance a couple of day before my extended holiday and, what with drowning in boxes since my return 11 days ago, I'm just glad I'm able to get this up 4 days before the event.

Yes, I'm going to BritMums Live!

Yaye!

I booked the ticket when they first came available. In hindsight, had I known I would be going to Orlando for over 3 weeks and moving house at the same time, I probably wouldn't have signed up.

But I'm so glad I did!

It's going to be stressful and I'll probably be completely knackered (I'll be the one snoozing in the corner), I haven't even glanced at the agenda yet but I can't wait to wrap my arms around some old friends and meet some new ones. There are people going that I have known for over 2 years in the online world who I class as 'friends' but I've never actually met in person. How mad is that?

Anyway, enough ramble. Here goes with the linky...

Name: Heather

Blog: SAHM Loving It

Twitter ID: @sahmlovingit

Height: Just under 5ft 6" (the good thing about moving house is there's a tape measure to hand!)

Hair: Longish - highlighted. Probably with roots as I won't have time to get to the hairdresser.

Eyes: Two. Brown.

Is this your first blogging conference?
No, but it may as well be as I didn't attend any last year so it's 2 years since my last one.

Are you attending both days?
Most definitely - the more days I can avoid packing boxes, the better.

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live?
Giving very special people very special hugs. I'm also looking forward to staying in a luxury boutique hotel with my lovely friend Photopuddle (we both deserve a treat) and I'm looking forward to meeting her - although it seems like we know each other inside out pretty much. We have separate rooms but will probably be in and out of each others. I may take some wine to calm our nerves before the conference.

What are you wearing?
Clothes. Whatever hasn't been packed for the move!

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live?
Apart from meeting old and new friends, I'm hoping to reignite the spark I had for my blog sometime ago. The two of us have become quite distanced from each other in the last 6-12 months.

Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows
That's a toughie as I think I've blurted out lots of secrets on this blog. Erm, ooh I know...I can't stand it if there's a plug socket with no plug in it but the switch is on. It makes me twitchy.

Guest Post...Toddles And Tantrums - May Bank Holiday at Bowood House

Last, but by no means least, is Millie. 

Millie is actually the only one of my guest posters who've I met in person. I was only introduced to her online the night before we met but when we physically met we gave each other the biggest hug ever. We were both at the funeral of Jennie's beautiful daughter, Matilda Mae.

Millie is just an all-round lovely lady and I'll be forever thankful for the love and support she gave me that day. I think it was that day that made her decision to enter the world of blogging...and so, Toddles and Tantrums was born.

Here Millie shares her lovely May Bank Holiday with us...

May Bank Holiday – Bowood House

How was your bank holiday Monday? Ours was pretty special. We spent the day with Craigs twin, Uncle Daz and his wife & family at the stunning Bowood House & Gardens, in Wiltshire. Home of the Marquis and Marchioness of Landsdowne – it’s a great way to spend a lazy sunny day. 

Adventure Playground

The site has a choice of fantastic adventure playgrounds which are set in 100 acres of parkland, designed by Capability Brown. It also has a lake, arboretum, pinetum and cascade.  The house itself is a treasure trove of fascinating items. Bowood is no ordinary country house, this is the ancestral home of a proper aristocratic family in the heart of beautiful rolling countryside. It’s absolutely breathtaking.

Death Slide

The Adventure Playground at Bowood was first opened in 1978. Designed and constructed by Cornish boat builder Alistair Guy, using timbers from the Estate, it has become one of Bowood's most famous features and has delighted hundreds of thousands of children ever since.

What I loved especially about this area is that it is restricted to children under twelve, it is without doubt one of the finest adventure playgrounds in the country. The playground has a full size pirate galleon called the 'Centaur', complete with rigging and a crow's nest. There are also several a very large slide, as well as high level walkways accessed by a huge scramble net. Most famous and popular of all is the 'death slide'! This vertical drop slide is a modern version of a Victorian invention and starts with a shocking 19- foot vertical drop which then levels out for an exciting, fast and slippery slide.

For Evan, and children of his age, the park had swing boats, trampolines, a Wendy House, a ball pool, see-saws, swings and a sand pit. The children in our party aged from 2 – 12 were kept happy here for a couple of hours playing in the sunshine. The park has lots of areas for you to camp out and have a family picnic. It also had many trees for you to hide under away from the sun. After camping out, playing & relaxing we decided to have a little wander around the estate. We stumbled across the house & had a look inside at its impressive chapel and antique treasures. We stayed inside for a well deserved cream tea which was scrumptious!

Bowood House

Evan and his cousins outside the house

We then ventured off across the lawns to the hidden cave, which led us out to a very impressive waterfall. The boys in particular were impressed with this and quickly undressed to enjoy the cool water. Evan had a little paddle in the stream too which cooled him down. Suddenly it was 5 o’clock and time to go home, but not before a photo to remember our lovely day.

Cascade Waterfall

Arboretum

I highly recommend this place if you are in the area, it’s lovely & relaxing & there’s plenty to do for everyone.

   

Evan, his cousins and their friends the Scudamores

You can find Millie here:
http://toddlesandtantrums.blogspot.co.uk
https://twitter.com/MillieBooLewis

Guest Post...The Little Gang In Paris - Se Souvenir Des Belles Choses

Françoise, actually started her blog in June 2012 after moving to Paris with an 18 month old and another on the way. However, she only blogged 3 posts before starting officially in March this year.

The Little Gang In Paris is her blog about all the stories of their life over the other side of the channel and she blogs in both French and English! There's commitment for you.

Having known and met Multiple Mummy, this heartfelt post by Françoise made me cry. I think everyone in the blogging community and beyond (Françoise is also a friend of Jennie) is feeling very sensitive at the the moment. 

The title of this post in English is 'Remember the beautiful things' but I think it sounds much better in French. Considering English is not her first language, this reads beautifully.

Se souvenir des belles choses

This week I have read a blog that I hadn't heard about before (I have started blogging very recently). It was Multiple Mummy's blog. As I didn't know it, I read the "About' page. A minute later I was reading the "tribute to my beautiful wife". I had already grown an empathy for this woman and a minute later I was reading that she has passed away recently. 

I was left in shock.

Life is frail, very fail. 

Most of the time, you don't know it.

Most of the time, you ignore it, you forget it, you just don't think about the fact that you can die unexpectedly.

If we are honest with ourselves, we can only picture ourselves alive for a long time surrounded by our family and children. 

We cannot imagine that we might not be there to witness our children's life.

We cannot imagine that they might not be there with us for the rest of our life.

Yet, we, or they, could die, tomorrow, in a month, in ten years. 

We forget that we are only human until ...  we lose someone we cherish. 

Over the last four years, I have lost my father. He died of a cancer. 

I have lost a very dear friend. He was murdered for who knows what reason last August. 

And recently, friends well known in the blogging community in the UK have lost their baby girl. 

This has left me in a very deep state of sadness that I find hard sharing with other people, This has left me wondering about the beauty and cruelty of life. 

Because there is definitely beauty in life : one of the truest experiences of it is giving birth.

But there is also cruelty : why would you die before you've even had the time to live ? Why would such people, with so much happiness in them, have to die so early ? 

Because this is the common point between my dad, Paul and Matilda : so much happiness, so much joie de vivre.  

It makes it so much harder to go on for their loved ones.

But as sad as I am - and I have never been so sad in my life - I want, I need, to learn something from these tragedies. And they really are tragedies to me. 

We are in charge of our children's childhood. 

Them having wonderful memories of it is all down to us making it happen.

I don't know if I will be able to look back in the future and say that I have become the mother I wanted to be.

But this is what I want to aim for. 

This is the portrayal of the mother I want to be. 

This is the mother I wish my children say I was if I was to die tomorrow : 

A mother who loved her children,

A mother who told them everyday she did,

A mother who they could talk to,

A mother they trusted enough to confide when things were not ok,

A mother who made them laugh,

A mother who gave them a sense of curiosity, 

A mother who gave them a taste for adventure,

A mother who built their selfconfidence,

A mother who made sure they understood life had to be enjoyed fully, 

A mother who made sure they understood that family matters,

A mother who built their relationship as brother and sister,

A mother who truly played with them,

A mother who danced and sung with them, 

A mother who took them to as many places as she could,

A mother who made things by herself for them to play with, for them to wear...

A mother who tried to communicate her passions with them, not necessarily for them to have these passions, but for them to have passions of their own, for them to be open-minded.

I don't mean to sound arrogant. 

I have a lot to do to become this person. 

I'm not sure I will succeed. 

But this will steer me in the right direction.

I have written this yesterday and I realize that the person I want to be for my children is the person my dad was for me. 

He really was an awesome father and I miss him dearly. 

You can find Françoise here
http://thelittleganginparis.blogspot.fr
https://twitter.com/Themafiainparis

Guest Post...Baked Potato Mummy - Inheritance Tracks

My next guest post is is the first from three special ladies who are friends of Jennie at Edspire. 

Lucy has recently started blogging over at the lovely blog Baked Potato Mummy and this is her her with her little boy 'Potato'.

She's given up her job in London to become a SAHM (and try and run an online retail business) and loves it. Like Jennie, she's a huge fan of messy play so head over to her blog for some inspiration. 

Here she takes on an idea from BBC Radio 4...


Inheritance Tracks

I’m pretty new to blogging, although I’ve been lurking in the background for some time. Over the last few months, I’ve met some wonderful people in this online community. I’ve learned that you don’t always have to be able to sit down face-to-face over a cup of tea or glass of wine, to share troubles and joys with like-minded people. I’ve learned that being on the end of a keyboard for somebody is as important as being able to give them a physical hug. Everybody has been so friendly and supportive and I already feel part of this wonderful community. One of these lovely welcoming ladies is Heather, from www.sahmlovingit.blogspot.com. So when she offered this opportunity to guest post on her blog, I was thrilled to be able to take her up. I've shamelessly 'borrowed' this idea from a BBC Radio 4 program (am I showing my age a bit here?) I’ve always had music in my life, both played and listened to. My dad is especially keen on keeping up with the latest musical technology and sound. He’s even gone so far as to install a 3.1 sound system in Potato's nursery at their house, arguing that he wanted his grandson to grow up appreciating a proper sound! Some of my strongest early memories are of family gathering and the music that went with them. Because of that, I can't stick to just the 2 tracks, so I've expanded the idea a little. 

So what tracks have I inherited from my parents? 
The first is easy. 
Rod Stewart, ‘From Here to Eternity’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIpUQdKH_8A 
If I close my eyes, I can go straight back to the sittingroom in our Suffolk cottage. The fire roaring in the inglenook, kippering us all slightly; the dog sprawled on the rug in front of it, twitching in her sleep; and my parents, sister and me lounging on sofas and floor cushions. Blasting from the stereo, Rod Stewart's Every Beat of My Heart album. I’ve always been taken by songs that tell a story, and this one always struck a chord with me.

Next, is Deacon Blue, 'Dignity'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kNwvIEQsg0

Whereas Rod Stewart comes from Mum, Deacon Blue is very much from Dad. High quality audio sound didn't stop in the house. The car sound system has always been top notch too.As kids, we'd often go for long family drives and inevitablythis song was in the stereo, playing at full volume whenever Mum would allow it. I have a vivid memory of singing it at the top of my lungs with Dad and my sister.

Finally comes the embarrassing admission. The song that shows how untrendy I really was when it came to musical taste for an 11 year old. 
Ralph McTell, ‘Streets of London’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiWomXklfv8
There, I’ve said it. Don’t shoot me, or judge me too harshly (my husband has already threatened divorce over this one!). This one goes back even further than Rod Stewart. I can picture toddler me sat on the sofa in our first house, listening to this tune. It was one of the first things I remember picking to play on the piano. It was also the cause of much mocking in my early teens. When my peers where into New Kids on the Block (is that really any better?), I was still humming“Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London. I'll show you something to make you change your mind.”Rest assured, in the way that only teenage girls can, I had my mind changed soon enough!


So there you have it. My Inheritance Tracks.


So how about the tracks that I would like Potato to inherit from me?


Again, the first one is easy. It’s Eva Cassidy, ‘True Colours’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hhu1l36eTE
This was the first dance at our wedding. As soon as we heard it, we knew it was going to be our song. We had an amazing 6 piece band playing, with a stunning female vocalist. They’d actually forgotten to learn the song and proposed downloading it and playing Eva Cassidy’s version. I tried not to have a Bridezilla moment, but obviously something showed in my face and in 4 hours, the band learned it and performed it perfectly. When we hired them the following year for my Dad’s 60^th birthday party, they performed it again, dedicating it to us. Even now, whenever we hear it, we stop and listen and think back to our special day.


For my second one, I think I have to go back to my teenage years again with Metallica ‘Sad But True’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8MO7fkZc5o
I’ve always enjoyed rock and metal music and although my taste has perhaps mellowed with age, Metallica is definitely a band that defined my youth - from 6^th form through to university and beyond. So they deserve a place in here. I used to sit in boring history lessons at school, scrawling the lyrics on my notes, with hands painted in black nail varnish and sporting my Metallica patched denim jacket. Later, at university, I’d head down the local rock bar on a Sunday night with my mates, for DJ Tim. Sad But True was guaranteed to get us all up and moshing! Wow! Those were the days! Listening to it now in the background, I can even feel the urge to indulge in a little headbanging! I’ll refrain though, as my aging body probably isn’t up to it!


Finally, something a little different. 
Prokoffief’s ‘Peter and the Wolf’ (this link is only the first part of the piece).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpoizq-jjxs
It’s the Disney animated version that I remember watching as a young girl, but I’ve recently found this version narrated by David Bowie, which I adore. The way in which each instrument is associated with a character in the story, really brings the instruments alive. I will forever associate a duck with the oboe. If you haven’t watched or listened to this, or have children that haven’t, I urge you to. Though the wolf in the Disney version can be a little frightening!

Well there we are. A little insight into the important music in my life. There are so many other tracks I could mention, but that’s perhaps another post for another time. For now, I hope you enjoy the music.

What would your inheritance tracks be? 

Lucy can be found here:
http://www.bakedpotatomummy.co.uk
https://twitter.com/loobylu77

Guest Post...StoryBramble - Five Lessons I Learned From Facing Chronic Illness

Stephanie is someone I happened across on Twitter in my search for new bloggers. How can you now warm to this picture of her?

She runs the fabulous Storybramble which she describes as 'the story cafe'. It provides free audio stories and poems for children which also have follow-on creative activities.

Stephanie is a trained actor, qualified drama teacher and mother of two.  She's passionate about using stories to help children develop their creativity, have fun and build strong imaginations and created Storybramble as a resource for other parents who feel the same way. 

Here Stephanie shares a life changing story with us which gives some great advice for others...



Five Lessons I learned from facing Chronic Illness 

This time last year I was insanely busy working at my job as a secondary school teacher, taking care of my two children under five, running my own youth theatre and studying for a post grad in physical theatre which conveniently took place at the other end of the country!  I like to be busy and yes I was tired but I was confident that I could push through it.    The summer holidays arrived and instead of taking a break I went to work with a theatre company.  I had the time of my life but when the school year rolled round again I was exhausted.  As the new term started I took on the usual round of extra curricular commitments and just kept on going. Then I got sick.  It was just a throat infection and as it was almost the October Break I was sure after a week off I would be well again.  But I wasn’t.  I stayed off for another week, then another and another.  The Dr’s began to do tests but found nothing and eventually I was diagnosed with Post Viral Fatigue which after several months was changed to Chronic Fatigue.  I had gone from a full, busy and active life to one where getting to the end of the day was a physical chore. I spent hours stuck in my bed.  I often found it difficult just to take care of my children.  My whole world had been turned upside down and things felt very, very bleak. I would like to say that one day I woke up to a beautiful revelation about life with rainbows, glitter and singing unicorns.  Sadly the singing unicorns gave me a miss.  What I did get however was a painful wake up call about how I was living my life and I wanted to share a few realisations I’ve had these last few months. 

1. MOST THINGS DON’T MATTER I am a professional worrier.  I am so highly skilled at fretting that if you could get a qualification for stressing about things I would have a distinction.  Before I was sick everything felt very important.  Until suddenly I realised most of it just wasn’t.  The world would keep turning if work didn’t go the way I wanted it to, if I didn’t get something handed in on time, if my housework was never done.  99% of the things I was worrying about really did not matter one little bit.  
LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE When life throws a ton of stress your way as it so often tends to do try to step back and see the bigger picture.  If you and those you love are healthy and well then it probably isn’t as big a deal as you think.  Work, having a show home, being the perfect mum - it’s not that important in the scheme of things. Your energy is precious so save it for the stuff that really counts. 

2.  PEOPLE ARE FOOD FOR THE SOUL
 When I got sick one of the most upsetting  consequences of it was the sheer number of people who  simply walked away.  People who I had once considered good friends dropped me like a hot coal.  On the other side of the friendship coin however were the people who went above and beyond the call of duty to help and support me.  I saw people in a whole new light and suddenly had a much better idea of where I ranked in their lives and while the answer wasn’t always pretty I now have  much stronger friendships as a result. GO ON A PEOPLE DIET The people in your life are like food. They are either good for you or they aren’t.   Good food adds to the quality of your life, makes you feel healthy and well and gives you energy.  Bad food does the opposite, leaves you feeling lethargic, sick and low.   Take a look at your relationships and where you can limit the time you spend on sugary friendships of little or no substance.  Your soul deserves better than this.  In the same way that being run down can highlight our bad diet choice, going through a rough time in your life can shine a light on the good, bad and ugly in your current friendships.  Instead invest time in the friendships that enrich your life, you deserve no less than this. 

3. TIME IS YOUR GREATEST RESOURCE I like to be busy but being ill forced me practically to a standstill.  As my energy was limited and I had to choose very carefully how I would spend it.  Having to pick what activities I could do and which ones I would have to drop made me seriously re-evaluate my priorities.  Before I was rushing to work early and staying late then running off to classes and rehearsals in the evening.  My children, I am ashamed to admit, were fitted into the gaps.  Now that I wasn’t sure if I was going to have the energy to even read them a bed time story feeling well enough to play with them suddenly became a very precious thing.  I was in such a rush to live life that I was missing it.  SAVOUR THE LITTLE MOMENTS Today is all you have, the moment, right now is all there is.  Savour it.   Enjoy the daft wee moments with your children, the time with your family and friends.  It is the stuff that life was made for.  4. LIMITATIONS ARE NOT ALWAYS BAD I have always been passionate about the arts but after I had children I often felt frustrated when  I couldn’t get out to the theatre or to workshops as much as I wanted to.  Once I was ill however all this was out of the question, I  wasn’t well enough to go anywhere.  For several weeks I sat at home miserably watching one opportunity after another sail by.  I was frustrated and angry.  Then I thought, what am I waiting for exactly?  Why don’t I just get on with it?  Weirdly being limited made me more focussed.  I thought about the things I loved: being creative, children’s stories, writing, creating characters.  Bit by bit the idea for Storybramble began to form in my mind.  I thought about what mattered to me and how I could bring it into my life despite my circumstances.   And so I started to write, and then I started to share what I was writing in the hope that the stories I had written might just bring a bit of fun and creativity to other children. 
 MAKE WHAT YOU MAKE Whatever it is you make go ahead and make it.  Whether you are a writer, painter, crafter, cook, chef, musician, dancer, engineer, carpenter, architect, scientist or gardener go and get making! Don’t wait for the right time, there is only now.  The circumstances will never be perfect so just start and have fun with it.

 5. YOUR HEALTH SHOULD BE YOUR NUMBER 1 PRIORITY How often have you put your needs second?  It seems to go hand in hand with being a mother.  We make sacrifices, we push through, we keep going and we cut corners when it comes to our own health.  It’s a false economy. I will admit I was arrogant. I thought I could abuse my body, keep pushing it and that I would get away with it.  I was wrong.  And when I realised how wrong I was I was afraid.  What if I never got better?  What if I had ruined my health for good?  What kind of life would I have?  How would I take care of my children then?  A RADIATOR HAS TO BE WARM TO HEAT OTHERS It’s not selfish to take care of you.  You can’t look after anyone or anything else if you don’t.  So put your health at the top of your agenda.  Eat, drink and sleep well.  Take time out for you, relax, walk and rest.  It is an investment that will pay dividends for you and all those you love. 
 Dealing with a long term illness has been a huge shock but as they say every cloud has a silver lining.  Being sick forced me to stop and when I did I was able to  see what really mattered in my life.  I wanted to write this as I wish it hadn’t taken illness to open my eyes.  I hope that other people can stop, be still and value themselves and their lives today. 
What about you?  Have you had a life changing moment?  I would love to hear about what lessons you learned from it if you did. 


You can find Stephanie here:
http://www.storybramble.com
https://twitter.com/Storybramble

Guest Post...You And Me Are Family - When Will Two Become Three?

Next up on my blog is someone I've been 'friends' with on Instagram for a while now. The lovely Claire blogs at You And Me Are Family and she started her blog after previously blogging about planning her wedding in Spain. 

Her blog is a mix of craft, cooking, musings and, more importantly, her and her new husbands journey trying to conceive their first child.

This is a lovely and very honest post about her feelings...


When Will Two Become Three?

Hi everyone, my name is Claire and I blog over at youandmearefamily. I am really excited to be guest posting for Heather while she is away having so much fun with Mickey and Minnie. Thanks Heather for having me!

My blog in my head was meant to be a little bit of everything and I am hoping that it has stayed that way, but recently I have been blogging a little about something really close to my heart at the moment and I would love to share it with you.

My blog has been very theraputic for me recently, I decided to take the plunge and blog a little about a subject that doesn't seem to get talked about often, trying to conceive. I was scared of putting it out there, of telling people of our journey - I don't know how better to describe it, I suppose some of the words you could go with could be trek, adventure, roller coaster or ramble through life, take your pick of any words that can describe, highs, lows, positives, stresses and our love for one another and you will have managed to sum it up.

I have had to learn a whole new language, who knew that getting pregnant had some many special words for things. I've found a whole new world and found some great support and friends along the way.

It's not been easy though and we are still not there yet. It has been nearly a year now of actively trying, a lot of longer of just not playing it safe and yet our dream has not come true yet. It hasn't been helped by me turning 35 this year and if you read the books, this seems to be the time when you suddenly become less fertile. So you go through all the worries, you know that little voice we all have in our heads, yes that's the one, Mr Negative, the one that creeps up on you when you are least expecting it and trying your best to be positive and whispers a little thing in your head that makes you drop all positive thoughts and only focus on the negatives. I have met Mr Negative so often over this journey, he sneaks in every once in a while but I'm pleased to say most of the time I beat him, but boy it's hard.

I always thought that falling pregnant was easy, well at least that's what they always told me at school, but once you look into it it's actually quite hard. On average most couples have a 1-6 chance of conceiving each month, this does increase with time and it's estimated that within a year 84% of couples will be pregnant and 92% within 2 years (Pregnancy figures) which is good news for us as we come up close to a year of trying I'm hoping that we will soon be falling into the 84% group of people.

At the minute we are going through some fertility testing, just to rule things out and help us both worry less that there is something wrong, hopefully we will be able to relax a little in the knowledge that we will soon be joining the ranks of parenthood. In the meantime, I love following parent blogs, they really help me to believe that one day we will get there.

If you know someone who has shared they are going through difficulties in trying to conceive with you can I please ask you one thing? Don't tell them to relax, to not think about it, simply just listen to them, it's a harder journey than anyone can imagine, I'm sure some of you lovely readers have been there and know only two well. I just wish we felt able to talk about it more with each other, I for one am happy I have shared it and hope by doing so it helps others even just a little not to feel alone.

Claire x


You can find Claire here:
http://youandmearefamily.com
https://twitter.com/manxclaire