Never Forgetting Matilda Mae

I can't believe 2 years have passed.

2 whole years.

A long time but yet no time at all.

I cannot and will not ignore this date. 

Just like I will not ignore the 7th March or the 2nd May - they are dates etched on my heart by a baby I never got to meet.

I don't need to say a lot. I just need to say...

Rest in Peace Baby Tilda

You will never be forgotten

xx

Matilda Mae Henley

2nd May 2012 - 2nd February 2013

Time

Time seems to be flying by at the moment.

Time is something I seem to have very little of.

I find myself wishing for more time.

But time is something that my friend Jennie wishes she had more of with good reason. She wishes she had more time with her beautiful daughter Matilda Mae.

It breaks my heart to think of Baby Tilda but I do.

Every single day.

Even on days when I'm busy there will be at least once that I think of her. And I think of Jennie. I think of how little time they had together.

A mere 9 months.

No time at all.

Today would have been Tilda's 2nd birthday.

Today SHOULD have been Tilda's 2nd birthday.

But it wasn't meant to be.

There is absolutely nothing that anyone can do to bring Matilda back to Jennie's loving arms but there are little differences we can make. We can be there to support Jennie in person or online when she needs us. We can be sympathetic to how us moaning about how bad our days are would upset Jennie.

We can also continue to raise lots of money.

In the 15 months since Matilda Mae passed away and well over £30,000 has been raised for The Lullaby Trust.

How incredible is that?

The Lullaby Trust are a small charity but their work is invaluable is helping support bereaved families and helping to promote safer sleep for babies.

This month there are two events that you can get involved in. I've already posted about the 'Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae' (Sat 17th May) and the 'Baby Tilda Barn Dance' (Sat 31st May) with details of how you can help. Even if you can't attend the events in Warrington, Cheshire and Egerton, Kent then you can still make a donation to The Lullaby Trust in memory of Matilda Mae.

Those of you who are coming along to the events, I look forward to seeing you.

And remember...

Hug your little ones tight tonight.

And always.

Time goes too fast.

Time can be cut short.

Time is something Matilda did not have enough of.

Happy Birthday baby girl.

Photo credit: Jennie @ Edspire

May Is #MatildaMae Month - Come Join Us

I can't believe it's almost May already.

As I sit in my kitchen looking at my 'Matilda Mae' tea light star on my windowsill, the tears sting my eyes.

2nd May should be Matilda's 2nd Birthday.

Baby Tilda.

A little girl who never got to see her 1st birthday, let alone her 2nd. I still struggle to believe that she was taken from Jennie like that. I still struggle to comprehend how cruel life can be to such wonderful people.

Jennie is one of the bravest people I know.

The amount of money she's raised for The Lullaby Trust with help of family, friends and fellow bloggers is phenomenal and it continues next month.

I haven't been blogging much at all. In fact, this will be my first and last post for April but I I want to try and use my blog to tell you all about these wonderful events that are taking place. One in the North West and one in the South of England.

These events are not to be missed.

First up is the 'Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae'.

This is taking place Saturday 17th May at 11am at Walton Gardens, Warrington. Jennie, David and the twins will be there along with friends and fellow bloggers to walk a 'Mile in Memory of Matilda Mae'.

Walton Gardens is a lovely spacious park with large lawns, picnic areas, a large cafe, play areas, a children's zoo and other outdoor activities. We are excited to be holding the Mile In Memory of Matilda May in such a lovely setting and we hope the weather will be kind to us.

You can read more about the event and find all the details on the Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae Facebook page. If you would like to join us then please register your family on the 'Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae Eventbrite Ticket page'.

In order to join us all you need to do is make a donation of at least £1 to the Matilda Mae JustGiving page and ensure you register your family. Please note that you will be required to pay £3.20 for the car park at Walton Gardens but it is well worth it as you can enjoy all the Walton Gardens has to offer. As we get closer to the event we will be updating details so keep your eyes on the Facebook page.


Then, at the end of May, Jennie is hosting the fabulous 'Baby Tilda' Barn Dance.

The barn dance will be held on Saturday 31st May at 12pm - 6.30pm at the Millennium Hall, Egerton, Kent and will be another lovely event for all the family.

The cost to attend the barn dance is a super-low price of £10 for adults and children over 11, £5 for those between 3 and 11 with under 3's free!

The afternoon is set to be wonderful with live music, a hog roast, afternoon tea, a play marquee and much, much more.

We are going down to Kent for it and we cannot wait to go! I wouldn't miss it for the world. Although I'm a little concerned that since Jennie, Susanne and Lisa found out I used to line dance years ago (oh the shame) they expecting big things and I will be disappointing them!

If you wish to find out more about the Baby Tilda Barn Dance you can join the Barn Dance Facebook page. If you wish to purchase tickets you can buy these from Beebies Baby Store page dedicated to the barn dance.

If you are unable to attend the Barn Dance then please look into sponsor opportunities for the Baby Tilda Barn Dance. You can do this by visiting Beebies Baby Store where you will find sponsorship opportunities at the bottom of the page ranging from £10 - £100. If you are unable to sponsor then please consider a donation to The Lullaby Trust in memory of Matilda Mae on Jennie's fundraising page.

I really hope as many of you as possible can make it to the events and I look forward to seeing you there. Please share these events with family and friends as much as possible - thank you.

Matilda Mae

2nd May 2012 - 2nd February 2013

9 months here. 9 months gone. But never forgotten.

When A Friend Loses A Baby #MMRemembers

Almost a year ago today Susanne and I were relative strangers, having met once at an event. Almost a year ago today we travelled together to Kent to the funeral of another relative stranger, Jennie, who'd lost her baby girl to SIDS.

A year.

A whole year.

It only seems like yesterday now.

7th March 2013.

We stood together in that church shaking, crying and holding hands and we spoke. Spoke about Matilda's legacy and the blogging community.

A lot has happened in that year.

Sadness. So much sadness.

But one thing I am so glad of. One thing I'll always be glad of.

We have all become good friends.

Today, as this post goes live, Susanne and I will be back at that little church in Kent to speak together again at Matilda Mae Remembers - a service to remember all the babies in the sky.

I wanted to share our words with you today…

One year ago we stood here in tears

as we tried so hard to explain

how Matilda had touched so many lives

how many were feeling the pain.

We're not sure we realised how hard it would be

to see a friend suffer like that

to see a friend say goodbye -

nothing can prepare you for that.

But we know that this is not our grief

we do not have the right

to cry and to feel sad and wish so hard

that things were different that night.

All we can tell you is all that we know

that seeing a friend suffer is hard.

Watching her move through the days as she does

with achingly empty arms.

***

When a friend loses a baby your world starts to rock - 

It's all so surreal and you're left feeling shocked.

You read the words over and it doesn't sink in,

You know not what to do, nor where to begin.

When a friend loses a baby you weep for her loss,

You mourn, you feel low, but you also get cross.

How could this baby be taken away?

On what was to us just a normal day?

When a friend loses a baby you know not what to say,

It's at time like this that you wish you could pray.

But you know that nothing will bring the comfort she needs,

You sit and watch as her broken heart bleeds.

When a friend loses a baby you stumble and fall,

You cuddle your little ones tight in a ball.

Sleep doesn't come easy; you are always aware,

Checking on breathing and stroking their hair.

When a friend loses a baby you feel helpless and scared,

Her baby's been taken and yours was spared.

And then the guilt hits - you know what you've got,

You have your baby and your friend does not.

When a friend loses a baby you know that she hides,

The things she is feeling deep down inside.

Her smile is a mask since that night with the cot,

People tell her she's strong, but really she's not.

When a friend loses a baby there is not much to do,

Except to hope it's enough to be you.

When a friend loses a baby I guess she just needs,

Some time and some space to just simply grieve.

Letters For #MatildaMae - Dear Baby Tilda

Dear Baby Tilda,

It seems strange that I'm writing this letter to you.

To 'Baby' Tilda.

You're only a month younger than TC. But he's not a baby anymore. How can this be? It makes me so sad and angry at the world. Life is so unfair sometimes.

I still struggle to believe you're gone.

I never met you, I dearly wish I had. I wish that with all my heart. I did meet your mummy briefly when you were just a tiny little secret growing inside her. She was quiet that night...wrapped in an excited and anxious bubble of early pregnancy. I wish now that I had gotten her to talk more that evening.

I'll never forget reading those words your mummy posted the day after you left the world. My heart flew up into my mouth. I couldn't believe it. Didn't want to believe it.

I felt sick.

My world stopped.

And then I sobbed.

Sobbed for a beautiful baby I'd never met.

Sobbed for a beautiful lady destroyed.

Sobbed for a beautiful family torn apart.

I have thought about you and your mummy every single day for the past year. Even on my happiest of days there is still something that pulls my mind back to you. I see you everywhere. In every star, every rain drop, every rainbow and more.

Sometimes I catch TC doing something for the first time and my heart aches all over again. Aches for the empty arms of your mummy. She is an amazing lady. I know you know that. I just wish she believed it.

I still can't believe that exactly 12 months have passed. A whole year since you were snatched from your loving parents by something so devastatingly cruel. No-one knows the real extent of what they face each day without you. I can't begin to imagine the gut-wernching pain they feel without you in their lives.

But you are everywhere, Tilda.

I really believe that.

Not just in the stars, rain drops and rainbows.

Your little life has had such a huge impact on so many people. Your legacy is something truly amazing. It really is quite wonderful.

Personally, I've been on a journey these last 12 months.

When something awful happens in the world, we stop for a moment. We think about how awful it is. We think about how thankful we are, how we aren't going to take things for granted and then we move on, eventually forgetting and slipping back into bad habits.

This time it's different.

You've had such an impact on myself and so many people, Tilda. Your little life has made some big changes to lots of lives.

Mine for one…

• I am more tolerant of my children's behaviour. If one of them won't go to sleep at the time, I don't stress. I relish the extra cuddles.

• If one of them is ill I stop what I'm doing completely. Even when I'm busy and they don't really need me, I just sit and spend quiet time with them. Again, I relish the cuddles.

• I always checked on my children before I went to bed but now I spend a few moments sat on the bed or sat by the cot. I stroke hair. I wish cheeks. I feel love.

• I don't stress about the small stuff. I'm more relaxed than I ever used to be. 

• I've given up my freelance work so I can spend more time with my children. It's where I want to be. They are growing up so fast and I want to be a part of that.

• I've found out about The Lullaby Trust and the amazing work they do. I cut back on cards and gifts this Christmas and donated money instead. Having met Francine recently, it feels great to support such a wonderful charity to help families like yours.

• I am learning to also look after myself too. A happy mummy makes for happy children and that's what's important

There are a couple of other things that have happened. 

I've made two very beautiful and dearly loved friends because of you. 

Your mummy and Susanne. 

They mean so much to me. Susanne and I travelled to your funeral together and we read aloud. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I did it for you and for your mummy. 

I've told your mummy that I will always be here for her and I promise you that, Tilda. I'll always be here for Susanne too - you know how much she's helped your Mummy. She's helped me too.

As much as I love them, I would give up their friendship in a heartbeat to have you back where you belong. In your mummy's arms.

Life is so cruel but something special has happened. It's all because of you and your wonderful mummy.

Baby died,

People cried.

Candles lighted, 

Friends united. 

Money made,

Awareness raised. 

Legacy grew,

Look what love can do.

Rest in peace baby girl.

Love Heather xx

A Day Of Love - The Matilda Mae Welly Walk #MMWellyWalk

Just over 9 months ago a community was rocked.

Family and friends were heartbroken.

And a family was torn apart.

I still struggle to believe what happened to Matilda Mae. I always knew life could be so painfully cruel but I never realised just how much until I heard the news that lunchtime 3rd February.

Baby Tilda's death has had such an impact on so many people. Not just family and friends of Jennie but strangers who heard about what's happened.

I've mentioned briefly before just how much of an impact it had, and continues to have, on me. TC is just a month older than Tilda. Whenever he does something new I feel happy but a part of my heart aches a little...I struggle with my emotions knowing that a friend is missing her baby girl with every part of her body and soul. Each and every milestone lost. Never to be.

I'm going to openly admit now that I've been struggling lately. You will notice that I have been absent from my blog. Even though I often find blogging therapeutic I haven't wanted to blog a 'woe is me' post. Why should I be so sad? I still have my baby boy. My life is good. I should be happy, right?

But like many people far and wide I can't help it.

I've known the Welly Walk was coming. I knew that the date was such an emotional milestone for Jennie. The day her baby girl has been gone for longer than she was alive.

It's been pulling at my heart.

We put our names down to go to The Welly Walk pretty much from the start. I knew we couldn't miss it, despite the distance from home. I wanted to be there. To see Jennie again, to show our support, to honour baby Tilda and raise more money for The Lullaby Trust.

It was an incredible day.

It was a sea of pink and purple. Stars and hearts were everywhere. Family and friends pulled together to help Jennie create something truly amazing.

Something beautiful.

Just like Matilda Mae.

I spoke at the end of the day about how Tilda had witnessed love in abundance in her short life.

That love was evident everywhere on Saturday.

It completely filled Beale Park.

You could see it in every look. Every smile. Every tear.

I don't need to go into detail about the day. I think the few photos I'll share speak for themselves.

Family, friends and strangers created something very special on Saturday. Every person there, every brand and everyone who couldn't attend but showed support through donations, tweets and messages should be very proud.

Very proud indeed.

Matilda's legacy lives on and this is just the beginning!

So many families. So many friendships. So many memories. 

So much love.

All because of one special little girl.

Matilda Mae

2nd May 2012 - 2nd February 2013

9 months here. 9 months gone. But never forgotten.

The Matilda Mae Welly Walk - Sat 2nd November 2013

What are you doing Saturday 2nd November?

I know what we will be doing.

My little family and I will be at the Matilda Mae Welly Walk at Beale Park, Reading.

And we cannot wait!

The day has been planned by Jennie (Edspire) beautifully. She's had so much support and it's so amazing seeing it all coming together.

The day sounds perfect.

Please visit Jennie's blog for the full run-down of what to expect at the Welly Walk. Please also make sure you share this with friends, family, work colleagues, neighbours, strangers...anyone.

But how can you not want to be part of this?
(Please see Jennie's blog for all the details of the sponsors and more!)

• Car seat safety checks and buggy MOT's 
• A Men's, Women's and Pre-School Welly Wanging Competitions
• A special pink and purple Matilda Mae entrance
• A musical warm-up before the walk
• A quiz along the walk route 
• Bubbles to blow and giant bubbles
• Entertainment and live music throughout the day 
• A Music With Mummy Workshop
• CPR demonstration and first aid questions answered 
• Lots of fun and so many amazing prizes to be won
• Play with lots of toys, try out some animation or explore online tools
• Play dress-up and have your photo taken in a photo booth
• Eat crepes and enjoy refreshments throughout the day
• Craft activities and face painting
• A special storytelling tent
• A special sparkler farewell

Tickets are selling out fast and can be purchased from Beebies Baby Store NOW!

Please help spread the word so we can raise as much money as possible for The Lullaby Trust.

If you can't make the walk, please consider a donation to the Matilda Mae Starlight Fund.

This event is taking place in memory of Matilda Mae who was given her angel wings at the age of just 9 months to the day. 

2nd November marks the day she would have been 18 months old. 

9 months alive. 

9 months gone.

This week marks Baby Loss Awareness Week.

Baby Loss.

Two words no-one wants to hear but people need to talk more. Together we need to raise awareness. Break the silence. So many families lives are destroyed each year.

Please help the love and support live on.

Saturday Is Matilda Mae SkyDive Day #MMSkyDive

This coming Saturday is a very special day.

It's also a very scary day for 9 amazing women.

They are jumping out of a plane to raise money for The Lullaby Trust in memory of beautiful Matilda Mae.

However, it's nowhere near as scary as every Saturday that Jennie faces.

If you follow my blog or are part of the blogging community you will know the story of my friend, and fellow blogger, Jennie. We shared our pregnancy journeys together - me with Tiny Ched and Jennie with her miracle daughter, Matilda Mae, who was born just a month after TC.

Sadly, Matilda was taken away from Jennie, at just 9 months old, on Saturday 2nd February by Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)... more commonly known as cot death.

A cot.

Somewhere you expect your baby to be safe.

But for many parents it isn't.

Each year, in the U.K., over 600 families are torn apart because of the devastating loss of a precious child to SIDS.

Each year these families go through the unimaginable pain that no parent should have to go through.

The Lullaby Trust work tirelessly to help support these families on this terrible journey. Their work is vital to not only offer this support but also to raise awareness of SIDS and do all they can to help prevent it.

Anyone who's followed Jennie's personal story will never forget Matilda Mae. I think of her every day and I never had the pleasure of meeting her - I'd only met Jennie before when we were both pregnant. I've spoken publicly about Tilda twice now on behalf of the blogging community and all the beautiful photos Jennie took in her 9 short months are etched in my memory.

Beautiful Matilda Mae and Jennie

A little girl with such a short life but a little girl who has left a lasting impression.

A legacy to be proud of.

A legacy to shout about.

A legacy to raise thousands of pounds for The Lullaby Trust.

A legacy to jump out of a plane for.

How amazing!

Yes, Saturday is a very special day.

The Matilda Mae Sky Dive will be incredible. These women, a few I've never met and a few I have a couple of times (and now are lucky enough to call friends) are doing something so amazing, something so brave, something that deserves to be shouted about.

Something that deserves to be sponsored.

Also, one of these ladies has a very special place in my heart.

Suzanne.

We both attended Matilda's funeral back in March. Although we had met previously, it was only once when we were both pregnant. We then spent the best part of 2 days together, sharing tears and support (and an amazing roast dinner made by her lovely mum) and becoming friends. Suzanne's blog post really sums it all up. We held each other up when we stood up and spoke about Tilda's legacy. Then we did it all again last month at BritMums Live. Suzanne and I always shed a tear whenever we meet up now, as we remember, but we also share smiles and laughter. And hugs. Lots of hugs. I've made a friend for life.

She is an amazing lady, and I know the other 8 (also amazing) ladies jumping with her will look after her for me as I can't be there this weekend.

These 9 ladies are going to jump into the sky.

The sky is somewhere I look when I think of Baby Tilda and on Saturday my eyes will be up in the air most of the day...remembering Tilda and thinking about what these incredible women are doing to raise money.

Please can I ask that if you haven't already sponsored them, can you? Even the smallest amount will go a long way to raise money for The Lullaby Trust. Can I also ask that you spread the word by mouth, by social media, by email...hell, even pick up the phone...call, text...do whatever you can to get people to raise money.

The link for Team Matilda Mae Sky Dive is here. Please sponsor and pass it on.

If you're using social media, please use the hashtag #MMSkyDive. Please let's make this hashtag trend on Saturday. Also add in @LullabyTrust to Twitter to raise awareness of the charity. Shout about the sponsorship, let's make as much noise as we can!

Let's help raise as much money as we possibly can for The Lullaby Trust and their incredible work. Let's support these 9 amazing women as they take to the sky on Saturday. Let's continue the legacy of a beautiful little girl lost.

Lost but never EVER forgotten.

The Emotional Hangover - #BritMumsLive

It's Sunday 23rd June as I start to write this and I have an unbelievable hangover.

I didn't even drink last night.

I have an emotional hangover.

Yes, I spent Friday and Saturday at BritMums Live in London.

I'm sat here in a daze, trying to find the right words to sum up what I've just experienced.

Overwhelming, crazy, amazing, inspiring, happy, sad, whirlwind are just a few that spring immediately to mind.

There's one word that would stand out from them all though.

Friends.

When I started blogging 2.5 years ago I had no idea of the emotional journey my blog would send me off on. I had no idea just how much sheer joy and also sadness it would bring into my life. But I also had no idea just what amazing friends it would help me find.

Like minded people with a passion for sharing their stories.

Stories from the heart. Stories of love. Stories of tragedy. Stories that make you wish you were wearing Tena Lady!

Each and every one of us has our own stories to tell and the last 2 days have brought together some of the best storytellers around.

I can't begin to tell you how many people I admire that I saw again or met for the first time this weekend. I can't possibly name everyone so I apologise for that. I can only name a few or this post would go on forever. But, if we met and shared a hug (or many hugs like the very lovely Lauren), a smile or a natter, know that you are included in this post.

Firstly, I have to show huge love to my gorgeous friend Heather (aka @photopuddle who blogs at the lovely It's All About The Photos).

13th March 2012, just 15 days before I had TC, an email dropped in my inbox. Heather and I had been chatting on our blogs and Twitter for a while and getting to know each other but then she emailed me out of the blue. 107 lengthy emails later... (I work that out at over 1.5 emails a week average), sharing tales of our similar aged families, our hopes, our dreams and our secrets...we finally met on Friday morning at Euston Station.

It felt like we already knew each other. As someone who met her husband online just under 10 years ago I know just how great a bond made over the Internet can be.

Heather and I spent pretty much the whole weekend together and I enjoyed her company a lot (I just hope she felt the same!). We also treated ourselves to rooms at a gorgeous hotel only a stones throw from The Brewery.

Saying goodbye to her on Saturday evening was strange. Knowing that she lives so far from me (about 250 miles) is quite gutting. We have a girl and a boy both of very similar ages and living closer would mean the kids would probably be friends too. I'm hoping we can see each other as often as we possibly can though.

There were incredible friends I'd already met quite a few times this year. Susanne (@ghostwritermumm) and Lisa (@hollybobs). The 3 of us will always be good friends, I know we will. I don't need to tell you all just how much I think of them - they know. Susanne and I will also always have that bond as we shared our journey and our tears at Matilda Mae's funeral.

Matilda Mae.

A name that will be forever on my lips, in my head and in my heart.

Her mummy. Jennie (@Edspire). Someone I'm truly honoured to call a friend. She is, quite possibly, the most loveliest, kind hearted, honest and most inspiring person you could meet. It was so lovely to wrap my arms around her again this weekend.

7th March was the last time I had hugged Jennie. It was at Tilda's funeral. Susanne and I had read on behalf of the blogging community at the funeral and this time we had been asked to read Merry's words again.

At BritMums Live!

In front of a huge conference room full of extremely talented women (and men). Far more talented than me.

On stage.

Hot glaring lights dazzling our eyes.

I'd been emotional from the moment I woke up on Saturday (just ask Heather). I'd not been able to sleep the night before (despite the gorgeous hotel and comfortable bed) which only made everything worse. Listening to words read by the amazingly inspiring Katie Piper that morning sent me over the edge and I lost control.

At various points during the day I gave into the overriding emotion of it all.

Susanne and I got through speaking though. Holding hands. Just like we'd done at Tilda's funeral.

Somehow I did it even though I was completely terrified and emotional. I found it so much harder than I did at the funeral. The funeral was intimate, it was close family and friends of Jennie's. It seemed easier, although that seems like the wrong word to use.

With thanks to the wonderful My Two Mums for
capturing this moment for Susanne and I

This was more out there. More open. More people. More expectation. It was also being streamed over the Internet and I knew Merry and others would be watching us. Reading someone else's words, especially when they are watching, is hard. Really hard.

My heart, like everyone else's, aches for the loss that Jennie has had to go through. I didn't know how I was going to stand strong enough to read about it again.

I faltered a few times.

Fighting back tears.

Susanne grabbed my hand.

Then I could hold my tears back no longer.

I cracked.

But I finished my piece.

Although a lot redder and snottier than I'd started! I'm so glad we'd taken tissues up with us.

I can't really remember walking off the stage. I do remember I walked off still clutching hands with Susanne. I can't remember any clapping. I don't even know what Katy Hill (who was utterly amazing!) said when she came back on the stage. I just remember seeing Jennie's face and hugging her tightly.

The amazing keynotes continued and then came more emotional outpouring as we all joined together to remember Kerry who passed away at the end of last year. Kerry is another blogger friend I'd had the pleasure of meeting and the memory of her gorgeousness will stay with me forever.

I don't think there was a dry eye in the house throughout the whole evening.

It was all so powerful.

So emotional.

So real.

I ended it all with this tweet

Because I do.

The Lullaby Trust - A Beautiful New Name

Today marks a historic occasion.

The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID) is changing it's name. The charity was founded well over 40 years ago, in 1971, so this is a big deal.

From today the charity will be known as The Lullaby Trust.

Beautiful name isn't it?

So very fitting.

A kiss goodnight for Tiny Ched

You hear the word 'lullaby' and already you feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Lullabies have been used to soothe babies to sleep throughout history and some of the ones we still sing now are hundreds of years old.

I have to say that Twinkle Twinkle Little Star has always been a favourite in this house. I still sing it to Mini Cheddar, if she's poorly or just wants comforting, even though she's 4 now. She will also sing it to her baby brother, Tiny Ched. Whenever I am comforting TC it's always the lullaby I choose.

The lullaby has more significance with me now though. I can't sing it without thinking about Matilda Mae, beautiful daughter of Jennie, who was taken away at the age of 9 months to cot death or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Cot death.

Two words that strike fear into any parent, especially those with young babies.

It's something that has always been in my mind during the early months of both children. Something that will now stay with me forever having a friend who's experienced the pure devastation of losing a baby.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Jennie and her family. I know that I'll never listen or sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in quite the same way.

The work of The Lullaby Trust is so important. No parent should have to say goodbye to a child, especially not a happy and healthy baby taken without warning. The Lullaby Trust is there to offer families, like Jennie's, the support and guidance they need to deal with the loss of a baby to cot death.

It is hoped that the new name will be a gentler approach to help more families access support and information. Apparently more than 600 healthy babies in the U.K. die without warning every year. Shocking statistics. That's 600 devastated families. The Lullaby Trust are striving to reduce that number to under 200 by 2015 then further again.

Please take a moment to help spread the word about the name change for The Lullaby Trust and the amazing work they do. Blog it. Tweet it. Facebook it. Talk about it. Help raise awareness now.

I, for one, think the name change is beautiful...just like Matilda Mae.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Tilda Star xx


This is MC's favourite version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - she loves to watch the owl and the star dancing together.

Goodbye #MatildaMae - My Words

I've scheduled this post to go live automatically at 10.15am today.

10.15am on March 7th 2013.

The time and date I think will be in the hearts and minds of many people forever.

The time and date we say goodbye to precious Matilda Mae - beloved 9 month old daughter of Jennie and David.

I feel honoured that Jennie would like me to speak at Tilda's funeral. She's asked me to mention when she told me she was expecting Matilda. I'm not going to lie though I'm terrified but I want, with all my heart, to do a good job. I'll have Susanne there to hold my hand and I, in turn, will be there for her when she speaks.

I think the youngest persons funeral I ever attended was 20 years old (a school friend). I never expected to be at the funeral of someone so young but...9 months old.

9 months!

I am still struggling to believe it all.

As this post goes live, so many people will be thinking of Jennie and David and holding their hands, either in person or virtually. Social media will be alight with thoughts and prayers for them and I know they will take great comfort in this.

Whatever you do today, promise me this. Hold your children extra tight. If you don't have children then hold a loved one tight. Tell them you love them. You really never know what life will throw at you.

I'm now going to end by sharing what I have written to say at the funeral*. I just hope I have the strength to get through it for Jennie xx

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If you've not been part of an online community before, you may find it difficult to understand exactly what it means.

How can you care so much about people you've never met before?

The world of blogging is an extraordinary place. It's a world of love and support. It's a world where there's always someone to listen. It's a world where you can laugh. It's a world where you can cry. It's a world where we share our lives. Our highs and our lows. Our ins and outs. You may not be able to get a physical hug but you get the most incredible level of love and friendship that, sometimes, it can completely take your breath away.

I've met Jennie before but, sadly, I never got the chance to meet beautiful Baby Tilda. The first time I met Jennie I knew about the incredible secret her and David were carrying. You see, Jennie told me she was pregnant with Matilda before she announced it to the blogging community. Only her family and her best friend knew. She told me as I had just announced I was pregnant too and she was bursting to let someone else know. I remember her excitement at finally being able to tell me and I felt honoured to be carrying her secret too. We met at The Mad Blog Awards where we sipped soft drinks and shared nibbles to fight off early pregnancy sickness.

There were a large group of ugs all pregnant at the same time. And, even though some of us had never met each other we all shared such an incredible journey. Through our blogs, Facebook, Twitter etc. we all exchanged our thoughts, excitement and fears about our pregnancies and the highs and lows of those first months of babyhood.

Through Jennie's writing we all grew to love Matilda as a part of this amazing community. A community that has been completely rocked by the tragic loss of such a beautiful baby girl. A community that will never be the same again.

Rest in peace Baby Tilda.

Photo by kind permission of Jennie xx

On Saturday 11th May 2013 (what would be just over a week after Matilda would have celebrated her 1st birthday) we will be walking a 'Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae' to raise money for FSID's. You can read more about it on Jennie's blog and I will be writing a blog post in the coming weeks with details of the North West event.

* These words are correct at the time of writing my blog post. They may be different to what I actually say as we are still working with all the speeches and we will be reading words from others too or we may not be speaking at all