Guest Post...The Little Gang In Paris - Se Souvenir Des Belles Choses

Françoise, actually started her blog in June 2012 after moving to Paris with an 18 month old and another on the way. However, she only blogged 3 posts before starting officially in March this year.

The Little Gang In Paris is her blog about all the stories of their life over the other side of the channel and she blogs in both French and English! There's commitment for you.

Having known and met Multiple Mummy, this heartfelt post by Françoise made me cry. I think everyone in the blogging community and beyond (Françoise is also a friend of Jennie) is feeling very sensitive at the the moment. 

The title of this post in English is 'Remember the beautiful things' but I think it sounds much better in French. Considering English is not her first language, this reads beautifully.

Se souvenir des belles choses

This week I have read a blog that I hadn't heard about before (I have started blogging very recently). It was Multiple Mummy's blog. As I didn't know it, I read the "About' page. A minute later I was reading the "tribute to my beautiful wife". I had already grown an empathy for this woman and a minute later I was reading that she has passed away recently. 

I was left in shock.

Life is frail, very fail. 

Most of the time, you don't know it.

Most of the time, you ignore it, you forget it, you just don't think about the fact that you can die unexpectedly.

If we are honest with ourselves, we can only picture ourselves alive for a long time surrounded by our family and children. 

We cannot imagine that we might not be there to witness our children's life.

We cannot imagine that they might not be there with us for the rest of our life.

Yet, we, or they, could die, tomorrow, in a month, in ten years. 

We forget that we are only human until ...  we lose someone we cherish. 

Over the last four years, I have lost my father. He died of a cancer. 

I have lost a very dear friend. He was murdered for who knows what reason last August. 

And recently, friends well known in the blogging community in the UK have lost their baby girl. 

This has left me in a very deep state of sadness that I find hard sharing with other people, This has left me wondering about the beauty and cruelty of life. 

Because there is definitely beauty in life : one of the truest experiences of it is giving birth.

But there is also cruelty : why would you die before you've even had the time to live ? Why would such people, with so much happiness in them, have to die so early ? 

Because this is the common point between my dad, Paul and Matilda : so much happiness, so much joie de vivre.  

It makes it so much harder to go on for their loved ones.

But as sad as I am - and I have never been so sad in my life - I want, I need, to learn something from these tragedies. And they really are tragedies to me. 

We are in charge of our children's childhood. 

Them having wonderful memories of it is all down to us making it happen.

I don't know if I will be able to look back in the future and say that I have become the mother I wanted to be.

But this is what I want to aim for. 

This is the portrayal of the mother I want to be. 

This is the mother I wish my children say I was if I was to die tomorrow : 

A mother who loved her children,

A mother who told them everyday she did,

A mother who they could talk to,

A mother they trusted enough to confide when things were not ok,

A mother who made them laugh,

A mother who gave them a sense of curiosity, 

A mother who gave them a taste for adventure,

A mother who built their selfconfidence,

A mother who made sure they understood life had to be enjoyed fully, 

A mother who made sure they understood that family matters,

A mother who built their relationship as brother and sister,

A mother who truly played with them,

A mother who danced and sung with them, 

A mother who took them to as many places as she could,

A mother who made things by herself for them to play with, for them to wear...

A mother who tried to communicate her passions with them, not necessarily for them to have these passions, but for them to have passions of their own, for them to be open-minded.

I don't mean to sound arrogant. 

I have a lot to do to become this person. 

I'm not sure I will succeed. 

But this will steer me in the right direction.

I have written this yesterday and I realize that the person I want to be for my children is the person my dad was for me. 

He really was an awesome father and I miss him dearly. 

You can find Françoise here
http://thelittleganginparis.blogspot.fr
https://twitter.com/Themafiainparis

One Week On - #MatildaMae

It's been a week since we said goodbye to Matilda Mae.

A week.

7 whole days.

It seems like an age already but at the same time it only seems like yesterday.

I knew that if Jennie was happy for blogging friends to go to the church that I wanted to be there. I wanted to give Jennie a big hug. I'd not seen her since she was pregnant with Tilda. I got to give her lots of hugs last week.

It was actually the saddest and most emotionally draining day of my life. But, it was also an amazing day. A day when I saw how much love, strength and dignity Jennie and David have. A day when I saw family and friends celebrate a beautiful little girls 9 months on this earth. A day when I saw tears and a day when I saw smiles.

I'll admit it. I cried. I actually sobbed.

A lot.

Jennie had put so much thought and planning into Tilda's goodbye and it was amazing.

It was beautiful.

The love inside that church was incredible and is something that will stay with me forever.

Seeing Jennie and David walk down the church aisle. Seeing a broken family. Seeing Baby Tilda's tiny woollen coffin carried by David. Seeing the love and tributes. Seeing the pink and purple. Seeing the beautiful photo montages and words put together by family and friends. Seeing and sharing the beautiful memories.

At one point I didn't think I'd be able to get up and speak but I did. Susanne and I took to the front of the church (shaking like jelly) and we read. I read a goodbye introduction I'd written, Susanne read a small piece she'd written and then we both read these amazing words by Merry. I'm thankful to Merry for providing us with something so powerful. Something to make the blogging community come to life for those that didn't understand it's importance.

I'm so thankful for a lot of things.

I'm thankful to Susanne (and her wonderful Mum who gave me a bed the night before) for her immense support. We held each other. We held each other so much.

Tightly.

I'm also thankful to the lovely ladies I met for the first time. Millie, Monika, Keira, Ruth and Sarah. We shared something very special that day. We shared tears, hugs and smiles. We shared friendship.

Most of all though, I am thankful to Jennie for having me as part of Tilda's goodbye. I'm thankful to her for the love, strength and beauty that radiates from her. Her smile. Her love. Jennie was the ultimate reason that Susanne and I were able to speak. She is one amazing woman.

I will never forget that day.

I will never forget Jennie.

I will never forget her hugging us goodbye and telling us to hold our little ones tight.

But most of all I will never ever forget Baby 'Tiger'.

Jennie, Susanne and Ruth have written beautiful posts which capture the day perfectly. I didn't want to duplicate too much of what's already been said so I urge you to read their words:

Jennie @ edspire.co.uk
Susanne @ ghostwritermummy.co.uk
Ruth @ rocknrollerbaby

In my last post I mentioned about 'Mile In Memory Walks' that are being organised across the UK for 11am on May 11th. I will be part of the North West one in Salford. We will be raising money for FSID's (the cot death charity). There's a little DONATE button on the top right of my blog. Please read more about why we are doing this and please give whatever you can - even if it's just £1. Every little helps to stop another family being broken. Also, if you can donate something to the online auction which will take place the same day - please contact one of us. I will blog more about it in the coming weeks. Thank you for any support you can give us.

Goodbye #MatildaMae - My Words

I've scheduled this post to go live automatically at 10.15am today.

10.15am on March 7th 2013.

The time and date I think will be in the hearts and minds of many people forever.

The time and date we say goodbye to precious Matilda Mae - beloved 9 month old daughter of Jennie and David.

I feel honoured that Jennie would like me to speak at Tilda's funeral. She's asked me to mention when she told me she was expecting Matilda. I'm not going to lie though I'm terrified but I want, with all my heart, to do a good job. I'll have Susanne there to hold my hand and I, in turn, will be there for her when she speaks.

I think the youngest persons funeral I ever attended was 20 years old (a school friend). I never expected to be at the funeral of someone so young but...9 months old.

9 months!

I am still struggling to believe it all.

As this post goes live, so many people will be thinking of Jennie and David and holding their hands, either in person or virtually. Social media will be alight with thoughts and prayers for them and I know they will take great comfort in this.

Whatever you do today, promise me this. Hold your children extra tight. If you don't have children then hold a loved one tight. Tell them you love them. You really never know what life will throw at you.

I'm now going to end by sharing what I have written to say at the funeral*. I just hope I have the strength to get through it for Jennie xx

********************************

If you've not been part of an online community before, you may find it difficult to understand exactly what it means.

How can you care so much about people you've never met before?

The world of blogging is an extraordinary place. It's a world of love and support. It's a world where there's always someone to listen. It's a world where you can laugh. It's a world where you can cry. It's a world where we share our lives. Our highs and our lows. Our ins and outs. You may not be able to get a physical hug but you get the most incredible level of love and friendship that, sometimes, it can completely take your breath away.

I've met Jennie before but, sadly, I never got the chance to meet beautiful Baby Tilda. The first time I met Jennie I knew about the incredible secret her and David were carrying. You see, Jennie told me she was pregnant with Matilda before she announced it to the blogging community. Only her family and her best friend knew. She told me as I had just announced I was pregnant too and she was bursting to let someone else know. I remember her excitement at finally being able to tell me and I felt honoured to be carrying her secret too. We met at The Mad Blog Awards where we sipped soft drinks and shared nibbles to fight off early pregnancy sickness.

There were a large group of ugs all pregnant at the same time. And, even though some of us had never met each other we all shared such an incredible journey. Through our blogs, Facebook, Twitter etc. we all exchanged our thoughts, excitement and fears about our pregnancies and the highs and lows of those first months of babyhood.

Through Jennie's writing we all grew to love Matilda as a part of this amazing community. A community that has been completely rocked by the tragic loss of such a beautiful baby girl. A community that will never be the same again.

Rest in peace Baby Tilda.

Photo by kind permission of Jennie xx

On Saturday 11th May 2013 (what would be just over a week after Matilda would have celebrated her 1st birthday) we will be walking a 'Mile In Memory of Matilda Mae' to raise money for FSID's. You can read more about it on Jennie's blog and I will be writing a blog post in the coming weeks with details of the North West event.

* These words are correct at the time of writing my blog post. They may be different to what I actually say as we are still working with all the speeches and we will be reading words from others too or we may not be speaking at all  

Being 'Me' For The Weekend

Unless you've had your head in the sand over the past month, you will know of the tragic passing of the beautiful 9 month old daughter of Jennie, Matilda Mae.

This tragedy has completely rocked the blogging community. Even people who have never met Jennie have been so moved by her story and are in pieces that something so unimaginable has devastated her life.

Tiny Ched is just a month older than Matilda. I think this is maybe why I, like others with children around the same age, have really felt it. I now openly admit that, even now, I can sob at a moments notice. The this tragedy has affected me like nothing before. 

TC has his 1st birthday 28th March and it's breaking my heart knowing that Jennie will never get to celebrate any of Matilda's birthdays. I really need to make his birthday extra special but I've been struggling somewhat.

But this weekend has helped me a little.

Sometime last year a close friend of mine asked me and some other of her friends to go on a weekend away to Edinburgh for her 40th birthday. Obviously I jumped at the chance. My favourite U.K. city and a bunch of lovely ladies - there was no doubt I was going to be there.

However, I've found it really hard being away from the kids lately and the thought of leaving them and Matt for 2 nights and 3 whole days filled me with dread. I had never left TC for more than 4 hours before and I'd only ever left MC overnight. I hated the thought that something could happen and me not be there. Matt's Grandmother had also passed away a week and a half earlier and I knew Matt and his family were feeling it.

"I don't think I want to go" was what I was saying inside but deep down I knew that it would do me good and I wanted to be there with my friends. I knew we'd have fun despite my feelings.

So I went.

To be honest, the day before I started to feel more comfortable with my decision to go and the excitement started to kick in. 3 of the girls (there were 9 of us in total) I class as some of my closest friends and I knew we'd have fun.

Friends and fun - the perfect pick me up

And do you know what? 

Despite hardly getting any sleep the 2 nights I was away, I totally loved the weekend! 

I feel a bit drained from it (we had Matt's Grandma's funeral the day after I got back) but I'm happy. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while - you know where you laugh so much that your face and stomach actually ache? I was able to relax, I was able to forget about things for a while and be 'me' rather than just a wife and mother.

It was just what I needed.

I've started to plan the kids birthday's (MC also has hers 11th March) over the last couple of days and I'm looking forward to trying to make them as special as possible. The tragic events over the past few months have made me realise more than ever to grab opportunities with both hands, to not get down about things and live for the moment. You really never know what life can throw at you until it's too late.

It hasn't stopped me thinking about everything that's happened but it's made me refocus.

It's also made me realise I need to make time for me. As well as our family holiday in May, I'm looking forward to my night away in a posh hotel for BritMums. Roll on June when I can be 'me' for another night!

If you wish, you can donate to BLISS in the memory of Matilda Mae here