Sister And Brother

28th March 2012.

The day our family was complete.

Since that day you two have shared an incredible bond. You love each other so much and it makes me so proud.

When I see you together my heart fills so much that sometimes I think it might just burst.

Sister and brother.

What a bond.

I worried at first. I worried that life with one of each would be hard. That your differing genders may impact on your bond.

I needn't have worried.

Of course you have your moments. All children do.

Very occasionally the two of you can test my patience but, on the whole, you love being in each other's company.

In fact, you don't like being apart and on the rare occasions you are you will always ask where the other one is.

You don't like it when the other one is upset or hurt.

Sister and brother.

What an incredible bond.

You play happily together. 

You make up little games all the time and you spend ages playing hide and seek whilst giggling uncontrollably.

You share so many kisses and cuddles. 

It's the cutest thing ever.

This week sees the start of the school holidays when you will both be at home with me. I'm sitting here planning out the days to make sure I make the most of this time I have with you both because, as of September, one of you will be at school again and the other at play school. 

I won't get this time back. 

I need to make it count.

You love being sister and brother.

And I love being your mummy.

My children. 

My world.

Don't ever change.

One Week On - #MatildaMae

It's been a week since we said goodbye to Matilda Mae.

A week.

7 whole days.

It seems like an age already but at the same time it only seems like yesterday.

I knew that if Jennie was happy for blogging friends to go to the church that I wanted to be there. I wanted to give Jennie a big hug. I'd not seen her since she was pregnant with Tilda. I got to give her lots of hugs last week.

It was actually the saddest and most emotionally draining day of my life. But, it was also an amazing day. A day when I saw how much love, strength and dignity Jennie and David have. A day when I saw family and friends celebrate a beautiful little girls 9 months on this earth. A day when I saw tears and a day when I saw smiles.

I'll admit it. I cried. I actually sobbed.

A lot.

Jennie had put so much thought and planning into Tilda's goodbye and it was amazing.

It was beautiful.

The love inside that church was incredible and is something that will stay with me forever.

Seeing Jennie and David walk down the church aisle. Seeing a broken family. Seeing Baby Tilda's tiny woollen coffin carried by David. Seeing the love and tributes. Seeing the pink and purple. Seeing the beautiful photo montages and words put together by family and friends. Seeing and sharing the beautiful memories.

At one point I didn't think I'd be able to get up and speak but I did. Susanne and I took to the front of the church (shaking like jelly) and we read. I read a goodbye introduction I'd written, Susanne read a small piece she'd written and then we both read these amazing words by Merry. I'm thankful to Merry for providing us with something so powerful. Something to make the blogging community come to life for those that didn't understand it's importance.

I'm so thankful for a lot of things.

I'm thankful to Susanne (and her wonderful Mum who gave me a bed the night before) for her immense support. We held each other. We held each other so much.

Tightly.

I'm also thankful to the lovely ladies I met for the first time. Millie, Monika, Keira, Ruth and Sarah. We shared something very special that day. We shared tears, hugs and smiles. We shared friendship.

Most of all though, I am thankful to Jennie for having me as part of Tilda's goodbye. I'm thankful to her for the love, strength and beauty that radiates from her. Her smile. Her love. Jennie was the ultimate reason that Susanne and I were able to speak. She is one amazing woman.

I will never forget that day.

I will never forget Jennie.

I will never forget her hugging us goodbye and telling us to hold our little ones tight.

But most of all I will never ever forget Baby 'Tiger'.

Jennie, Susanne and Ruth have written beautiful posts which capture the day perfectly. I didn't want to duplicate too much of what's already been said so I urge you to read their words:

Jennie @ edspire.co.uk
Susanne @ ghostwritermummy.co.uk
Ruth @ rocknrollerbaby

In my last post I mentioned about 'Mile In Memory Walks' that are being organised across the UK for 11am on May 11th. I will be part of the North West one in Salford. We will be raising money for FSID's (the cot death charity). There's a little DONATE button on the top right of my blog. Please read more about why we are doing this and please give whatever you can - even if it's just £1. Every little helps to stop another family being broken. Also, if you can donate something to the online auction which will take place the same day - please contact one of us. I will blog more about it in the coming weeks. Thank you for any support you can give us.

To Share...Or Not To Share?

Last week I wrote a blog post...okay, okay, I kind of wrote a blog post as the majority of it was a copied and pasted email from my gorgeous husband, Matt, telling me how much he loved me etc. I hold my hands up...I was a lazy blogger!

Anyway, after I'd posted it I was asked if Matt minded me posting personal things on my blog.

It got me thinking.

The thing is, Matt knows about my blog and 100% supports it. In fact, when I was thinking of packing it all in after only a couple of months of blogging, he was the one who made me stop pressing delete and boy am I glad he did!

I blogged the letter because, as I said in the post, I wanted to document it for me and the kids. I wanted to record just how lovely my husband can be...when he's not leaving the loo seat up or secretly eating chocolate, that is!

I may not blog as much as I used to but I still love it.

Blogging has given me an outlet in which to share my thoughts and feelings, a place to talk about being a stay-at-home-mum and it's brought me new and very dear friends both virtually and in real life. It's my little piece of cyberspace which will grow with me and my family. It's a place to leave my mark. A place where I hope my children will come to when they are old enough to read about their early years. It's my little corner of the Internet which is mine.

Matt knows that a lot of what goes on in my life goes on my blog. Obviously there are certain things I don't blog about.

I don't blog about our sex life (which is great, if you must know! MC and TC, if you are reading this, please don't be too freaked out by the thought of your Daddy and I doing the bad thing *ahem*), I don't blog about any major current health issues or worries within my circle of family and friends, I don't mention my children's names or friends and families names (Matt being the exception) either. A lot of blogs I see or read do these things. This is a personal choice but it's just something I choose not to do.

But that's what makes blogging so great.

Diversity.

Each and every blog is unique in its own way and that's what I love.

I love the openness and support that blogging offers. I love how you can think you're the only one thinking something then you realise you're not a loon alone after-all.

I do share quite a lot on my blog but I now have 2 years worth of memories, stories and photos to look back on.

I blog with openness and honesty about my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love Letter Straight From The Heart

Well, I thought it was straight from the 'drink' but nope, Matt wasn't drinking last night.

He's been away the past 2 nights. MC was ill Monday and Tuesday (yes, 4 days back in school and she's ill already!) and then TC decided to suddenly become intolerant to strawberries (I think) last night and spent an hour early on chundering his guts up.

Anyway, this morning I awoke to this email on my phone. I'm posting it so the kids and I have a record of just how incredible their Daddy is (and what a softie!).

From: Matt
Date: 15 January 2013 23:58:29 GMT
To: Heather
Subject: Hi

Hi only me.
For some reason I'm wide awake. Mind has gone into overdrive.

I'm also craving food, had a toby carvery for dinner as it's next door and I'm still hungry now.

But while I'm awake I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. 

I know life sort of takes over and with work and then the kids demanding time it's hard to make time to tell you this but you along with TC and MC are everything to me.

We would be lost without you, all the stuff you do for us, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing etc. I know it doesn't do itself and I would hate for you to think I take it for granted. You also do an amazing job of bringing up the kids and the reason MC is so advanced is all down to you, I still find it hard to believe she is only 3 and I know TC will be the same.

You won't believe me but you look great and I find you even more attractive than when we first met given all we've been through together.

I am so lucky to have found you and really am looking forward to Disney again. It still hasn't sunk in yet that we are going again so soon but I can't wait.

We also need to book Upstairs at the Grill as a steak warmup prior to going.
Let's book that before the end of the month as I do miss quality time with you. I really enjoyed our trip to Liverpool together and perhaps when TC is a little older maybe we can go away for a night while the kids stay with your Mum and Dad.

I'd like us to go out at least once a month if not more, we haven't done The Stables and I'm not bothered about drinking so we can drive but just getting some time together would be nice.

Anyway hopefully TC is ok now and you are fast asleep.
I miss you all loads but should be home mid afternoon all being well tomorrow.

Love you always, see you tomorrow and in my dreams xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

M

If you read all of that you may need a sick bucket *passes a virtual one*

So, I guess posting this also answers the question from my last post. We are off to Florida again! It actually took almost a week of discussions but we know we've made the right decision.  It's a rather indulgent thing to do and I do feel guilty that we are going again given so many people go as a once in a lifetime trip but life is definitely too short to scrimp and save and sweat the everyday life. It's for living!

Can't wait until he's home later. This was an amazing email to wake up to. He's such a great husband and Daddy.

Well, either that or he just wants to get in my knickers tonight! ;-)

Taken Sept 2012

Being A Big Sister

Being a Big Sister is a tough gig but someone has to do it

Being a Big Sister means you can make your Brother cry if you shout at him when he's tired

Being a Big Sister means you get your face felt. A lot. It makes you giggle. A lot.

Being a Big Sister means you have to think of new ways to stop your brother getting your small toys

Being a Big Sister means you get to hold your brother's hand

Being A Big Sister means you will always put a protective arm around your Brother

Being a Big Sister also means you help to get your brother 'dressed'

Being A Big Sister means you can read your brother a bedtime story

Being a Big Sister means your brother loves you just as much as you love him

NOTE: No babies were harmed during the making of this post.