Family Frolics - Making Memories For Multiple Mummy

My dear blogger friend, Kerry (aka Multiple Mummy), passed away on this day exactly a year ago.

Such a lot of things have happened in that year.

Some happy and some so terribly sad.

One thing remains the same though and sticks with me, always.

Kerry's love for her family and getting out making memories.

It's her legacy. It's her 'Family Frolics'.

Kerry was only 30 years old. A healthy young woman with a husband an 3 small children. Kerry's passing rocked a community. Kerry and I called each other 'blogging sisters' as we started around about the same time. She was one of the friendliest and genuinely lovely bloggers I've ever met. Her passion for her family and her fellow blogging friends was second to none.

It's such a tragedy that her life was cut short so unexpectedly.

I hate to say we don't get a huge amount of time together as a family of four. We see the inlaws pretty much every other weekend and, up until the other month, Matt was playing football every Saturday. It meant we got 2 days a month together where we could spend a day interrupted.

Because Matt works so hard he'd want to spend those 2 days crashing out pretty much. He didn't want to be dashing out all the time and I didn't want to push him too much.

This year has been somewhat different.

Kerry's passing and then the sudden death of Matilda Mae earlier this year have changed me.

It's a change for the better.

Ultimately it was Kerry's comment on my blog that made us book to go back to Orlando this year. It has been Kerry's passing that has pushed me on with my blog. What better way than to leave a diary online for friends, family and, ultimately, your children when they are old enough to read.

Your life, your heart, your memories to be read and remembered for years to come.

I know I don't blog about things as much as I should do right now but we are creating memories and enjoying our time together and that, above all, is what matters.

So this year we've made more time for family frolics. There are too many to mention but…we enjoyed lots of snow, we went away on holiday. We dabbled in some messy play. We moved to a bigger house. We enjoyed the long hot summer. We had picnics out. We went to the cinema. We explored the local area. We went further afield.

But most importantly we made memories.

When we do anything as a family now I cherish the moments so much more. I take more photographs of us a family of 4 than I've ever taken before. I know that making time for family is important.

These are just a small handful for my blogging sister…

In memory of Kerry Farrow (aka Multiple Mummy)

16th April 1982 - 14th December 2012

Which Way To Turn?

Right now I really don't know which way to turn.

I'm struggling a little.

I know this blog post will turn into a rambling mess but I need a 'thought dump'. I apologise in advance if it doesn't make sense.

Life seems to be going at 100 miles an hour but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere or doing anything fulfilling. Maybe this is what being a stay-at-home-mum is like at its worst?

Maybe I'm not exactly 'loving it' at the moment.

Regular readers will notice large gaps in my posts over the past couple of months.

I spent most of September and the first part of October (yes, my food poisoning/stomach thing had a relapse) being really ill and it knocked me for six. To be perfectly honest, since then it's really made me think about things. I was that poorly that Matt (and I, if I'm honest) was really worried. It scared us. It made us both realise just how fragile life can be. Those times at the hospital when I was in agony and Matt felt so helpless were awful.

This morning I took TC to a soft-play centre. I needed to get out somewhere. Anywhere that wasn't shopping. I was going to meet up with the lovely Sarah who lives just down the road but she's poorly. It's a good job in a way as Sarah probably wouldn't have known what to do with me.

The song Firework by Katy Perry came on whilst I was there.

I welled up.

Then the tears became sobs.

Luckily there were only a couple of people in there and I was sat in a corner so was able to get away with it.

That song makes me think of Multiple Mummy and Matilda Mae.

It's funny but doing that in public made me realise something.

I'm feeling quite low.

Christmas is coming and everyone is getting excited.

I should be getting excited but deep down I'm not.

Yes, I am struggling.

Struggling to make sense of such a cruel world. Struggling to make sense of everything. Struggling not to be torn apart knowing that friends are suffering.

I want to make this Christmas so special for my family. It's our first Christmas in our lovely new home. We are having the whole of downstairs decorated and there is lovely colour everywhere. TC is more aware of everything this year. MC is beside herself with excitement and she's top of her class in school too. We have so much to look forward to but I just can't shake this feeling I have.

I'm also feeling like a failure. Everywhere I turn on social media I see posts and photos of lovingly home-cooked meals. I see photos of amazing crafts, brilliant messy-play, amazing days out and lots of fun and happiness.

I know most people only post the good stuff but I wonder how these people have the time to do the things that they do? I sometimes feel like my kids are living on pasta and fish fingers most of the time and we don't get out and about enough.

I know my kids are happy and loved and that's what counts but I still feel like I'm letting them down.

I'm also trying to decide what to do about my blog.

I have seriously 'lost that blogging feeling'.

I started this blog to document my life as a stay-at-home-mum and to give myself and my children memories. I've let us all down. Somedays I feel like quitting but blogging has brought me so much. It's brought me unbelievable amounts of love and support. More importantly, it's brought some amazing friends into my life.

At the moment though I don't see how I can fit blogging in. I am desperately trying to spend time with TC. He's growing up so quickly and I don't want him to grow up. Knowing he's my last baby pulls at my heart a little. My days are filled with spending time with my children. When MC's at school and TC has his afternoon nap I'm sorting washing or tidying the house. When the kids go to bed I want to spend time with Matt. We get so little time together on our own that our evenings (when he's not away with work) are so precious. I love my husband so much and the evenings are our time. I don't see how social media is going to fit in?

At the time this post goes live I have 182 un-read emails in my inbox because I really can't face going through them and the more I ignore them, the more they build up.

Anyway, I think I'm my own worst enemy.

When I'm feeling like this I cut myself off. I shy away from social media and I stay in the house a lot.

It doesn't do me any good.

Thankfully I have mainly good days but I also have a few bad days.

Luckily I recognise the signs.

I need a plan.

I need to know what I'm doing and where I'm going or I have a feeling I'll lose myself (and my blog) along the way. I need to shake off this doom and gloom feeling. This feeling that something really bad is going to happen to me or my family.

I need to feel happy all the time again.

I need to know which way to turn.

Watch this space...

Guest Post...The Little Gang In Paris - Se Souvenir Des Belles Choses

Françoise, actually started her blog in June 2012 after moving to Paris with an 18 month old and another on the way. However, she only blogged 3 posts before starting officially in March this year.

The Little Gang In Paris is her blog about all the stories of their life over the other side of the channel and she blogs in both French and English! There's commitment for you.

Having known and met Multiple Mummy, this heartfelt post by Françoise made me cry. I think everyone in the blogging community and beyond (Françoise is also a friend of Jennie) is feeling very sensitive at the the moment. 

The title of this post in English is 'Remember the beautiful things' but I think it sounds much better in French. Considering English is not her first language, this reads beautifully.

Se souvenir des belles choses

This week I have read a blog that I hadn't heard about before (I have started blogging very recently). It was Multiple Mummy's blog. As I didn't know it, I read the "About' page. A minute later I was reading the "tribute to my beautiful wife". I had already grown an empathy for this woman and a minute later I was reading that she has passed away recently. 

I was left in shock.

Life is frail, very fail. 

Most of the time, you don't know it.

Most of the time, you ignore it, you forget it, you just don't think about the fact that you can die unexpectedly.

If we are honest with ourselves, we can only picture ourselves alive for a long time surrounded by our family and children. 

We cannot imagine that we might not be there to witness our children's life.

We cannot imagine that they might not be there with us for the rest of our life.

Yet, we, or they, could die, tomorrow, in a month, in ten years. 

We forget that we are only human until ...  we lose someone we cherish. 

Over the last four years, I have lost my father. He died of a cancer. 

I have lost a very dear friend. He was murdered for who knows what reason last August. 

And recently, friends well known in the blogging community in the UK have lost their baby girl. 

This has left me in a very deep state of sadness that I find hard sharing with other people, This has left me wondering about the beauty and cruelty of life. 

Because there is definitely beauty in life : one of the truest experiences of it is giving birth.

But there is also cruelty : why would you die before you've even had the time to live ? Why would such people, with so much happiness in them, have to die so early ? 

Because this is the common point between my dad, Paul and Matilda : so much happiness, so much joie de vivre.  

It makes it so much harder to go on for their loved ones.

But as sad as I am - and I have never been so sad in my life - I want, I need, to learn something from these tragedies. And they really are tragedies to me. 

We are in charge of our children's childhood. 

Them having wonderful memories of it is all down to us making it happen.

I don't know if I will be able to look back in the future and say that I have become the mother I wanted to be.

But this is what I want to aim for. 

This is the portrayal of the mother I want to be. 

This is the mother I wish my children say I was if I was to die tomorrow : 

A mother who loved her children,

A mother who told them everyday she did,

A mother who they could talk to,

A mother they trusted enough to confide when things were not ok,

A mother who made them laugh,

A mother who gave them a sense of curiosity, 

A mother who gave them a taste for adventure,

A mother who built their selfconfidence,

A mother who made sure they understood life had to be enjoyed fully, 

A mother who made sure they understood that family matters,

A mother who built their relationship as brother and sister,

A mother who truly played with them,

A mother who danced and sung with them, 

A mother who took them to as many places as she could,

A mother who made things by herself for them to play with, for them to wear...

A mother who tried to communicate her passions with them, not necessarily for them to have these passions, but for them to have passions of their own, for them to be open-minded.

I don't mean to sound arrogant. 

I have a lot to do to become this person. 

I'm not sure I will succeed. 

But this will steer me in the right direction.

I have written this yesterday and I realize that the person I want to be for my children is the person my dad was for me. 

He really was an awesome father and I miss him dearly. 

You can find Françoise here
http://thelittleganginparis.blogspot.fr
https://twitter.com/Themafiainparis

Life's Too Short

'Life's Too Short' is a phrase you often hear. It's a phrase that's heard when you can't make a decision on something, usually a treat, that has you battling the extra expense etc.

I'm facing such a battle at the moment.

Regular readers will know that last January, when I was 27 weeks pregnant with TC, we went to Orlando, Florida for 3 weeks. It was incredible. None of us wanted to come home, even after 3 weeks.

It was a fairly last minute decision for such a big holiday. A lot of people plan a trip over there years in advance but we booked it just a couple of months before. The thing about my husband is, he sees an opportunity and he grabs it with both hands. The company where he worked (he's since left) has a number of gorgeous houses and condos he could get for less than £100 a week - we are talking 3 and 4 bedrooms with swimming pools. He thought, once TC, was born it would be at least another 2 or 3 years, if not a lot longer, before we could do anything like it again so he went for it.

He's now looking at going back...

...this year!

I knew this January would be a bit hard. It's the anniversary of our trip and he keeps reliving it - as we all do. Even MC still talks about it now! I can't watch the videos of our trip without getting emotional about it all.

Anyway, it's no secret, Matt and I absolutely love to travel and since having children our travels have been slightly less adventurous - opting for a villa in Lanzarote or a farm in Tuscany over a Route 66 road trip or the Arctic Circle to see the Northern Lights. America is a great love of ours. We've been to many States (we both have family over there) and so to get the chance to go to Florida was a big treat!

The thing is, he can still get the cheap accommodation as he has a few shares in his old company so he logged on last night, on a whim, to check availability.

"Hey, if it's all booked then it wasn't meant to be" he laughed.

I'd heard this before. This is exactly how the conversation went just before we booked the last trip!

"It looks like the condo is available in May for 3 weeks".

Feck.

He then says he better just double check with them and drops them an email.

Then he's online looking at costs of flights and car hire. I go to bed last night with my head spinning.

6am this morning I'm woken by his voice.

"They've emailed me back. Those weeks are available".

I'm having quite a hard time with what to do for the best. I didn't think we'd be going again until maybe just before TC's 3rd birthday (the same age MC was when we took her), if not longer. I would love to go - it's an incredible place - but TC will only be 13/14 months old. I know he'd love it but he won't remember a thing about it. I'm not worried about the flights as, apart from the odd bout of bad teething, he's the worlds most chilled out little baby but I am worried about the heat for him.

However, one thing is eating away at me.

One thing is telling me to stop being silly and just DO IT!

A couple of weeks after we got back last time I wrote a post 'A Beginners Guide To Orlando And Walt Disney World'. It was a post that sparked quite a bit of attention and discussion on my blog and across Twitter. Funnily enough, it's a post that has been my 'most popular post' for the last couple of weeks. When I saw it pop to the top the other week I began to think about the people who were using it to plan their trips. Then I started to scroll through the comments.

One stuck out a mile and had me crying at my laptop.

This...

A comment left by Kerry (aka Multiple Mummy) who passed away at the age of 30 (with 3 children all under the age of 5) only a month ago.

I haven't told Matt yet but Kerry's words are getting to me.

You really never know what's round the corner.

Matt and I are going to talk it over tonight and make a decision but something tells me that life is definitely too short to let opportunities pass you by.

2 Years Of Blogging TODAY!

I still can't believe that exactly 2 years ago today I wrote my very first crap blog post. Yes, it's my 2 year Blogoversary today.

2 years.

2 YEARS!

What a 2 years it's been.

I've laughed, I've loved, I've made friends, I've lost friends, I've jumped for joy, I've cried tears and in the middle of it all I gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy.

I can't believe another year of blogging has gone by. I've not blogged as much this year and I'll be the first to admit that my time and energy has gone into my family life more. I feel like I have the balance right now. I do sometimes wish I had more time to spend on Twitter and other blogs reading the amazing things that are out there but that will come in time as my baby boy grows. For now, I'm enjoying every minute with him, MC and Matt.

This time last year I reflected back on my first year of blogging so this year it's time to look back over 2012.

Before I start I want to say I'm dedicating this post to the beautiful and inspirational Kerry AKA Multiple Mummy. I've said before that she started blogging just after me and, along with a couple of other amazing women, she felt like my blogging sister. I had the pleasure of spending some time with her and she was even more lovely in real life than she was on her blog. Sadly, Kerry passed away just before Christmas. Her passing has left me so shocked and has made me realise that you really never know what is around the corner so you should seize every moment with both hands. I'm certainly more determined than ever not to stress the little stuff.

Kerry was only 30 and leaves behind a loving husband and 3 very young children. May 2013 be full of love, health, happiness and strength for them.

So, here's my blogging journey for 2012...


January
The year kicked off in amazing style. Matt, Mini Cheddar and I (complete with baby bump) jetted off for 3 whole, and totally amazing, weeks in Florida. It was to be a holiday we would never EVER forget and we can't wait to go back to Orlando.

February
Despite MC only having a dummy at night time we managed to successfully get her straight off the dummy when we returned from our holiday. 3 cheers for the dummy fairy! I also celebrated a year of volunteering for my local Save The Children shop. Matt flew off to America for a job interview when I was heavily pregnant and fighting a lot of bad feelings.

March
Matt didn't get the job in America...much to my relief. We celebrated MC's 3rd Birthday - I still can't believe what a beautiful and clever little girl Matt and I produced. I was brave enough to post a picture of me and my huge bump at almost 40 weeks pregnant.

April
I announced the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Tini Ched (TC), on the blog (born 28th March). He was, and still is, perfection. I wrote, in my opinion, one of my best ever blog posts which discusses caesarean section and the stigma attached to it. I was overwhelmed by the response it received from comments, tweets, DM's and e-mails. I also blogged TC's birth story. I raised some smiles with my 'You Know You've Just Had A Baby' post.

May
Matt landed a shiny new job! I was nominated for not one but two MAD Blog Awards for Best Pregnancy and Best Baby Blog. Thank you once again for all those who voted for me. Another post which I'm a little bit proud of followed - this time about the benefits to us of co-sleeping. Something else which has a bit of a stigma attached to it.

June
I started to think about 'coming out' and admitting to all friends and family that I wrote a blog. Bank Holiday Bedlam took place which involved a lot of vomiting and crying. It was a day I'll never forget! Tiny Ched was 12 weeks old already!

July
I decided I am going to keep quiet in future and not blog about things smugly for fear of them going wrong! I blogged about thoughts and feeling I'd been having since having children and it stuck a chord with a lot of you. MC had the MOTHER of all tantrums.

August
Despite her outburst the previous month, I was reminded just what a hilarious and brilliant daughter MC is. My house was invaded by a slimy little f**ker!

September
I, thanks to you guys, was awarded the Best Baby Blog at The MAD Blog Awards. I couldn't make the ceremony and found out via Twitter. To say I was totally gobsmacked was a complete understatement.

October
Matt resigned from his new job without a job to go to. It was a crazy few weeks but one we got through and it turned out to be the best decision he made. I was chosen to be a Cosatto Brand Buddy which was amazing. I developed mastitis which was a bitch!

November
I remembered Betty Dogface one year on. I took the decision to give up breastfeeding TC at 7 months following mastitis. I was gutted. I went back to my volunteer job at Save The Children after being off on maternity. Once again I felt the incredible power of the blogging community as we joined together to heal Kerry. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be.

December
This was a month that saw me mainly survive blogging via Silent Sunday posts due to battling a run of bad health and just being VERY busy with everything. I did manage to find time to question where my tits had disappeared to though!


So here's to 2013.

Thank you to you, my lovely blog readers. Thank you for sticking with me through the good and the bad and, once again, thank you for all your support. Happy New Year to each and every one of you. May your 2013 be full of the love, health and happiness you all deserve.

*raises a glass of wine / vodka / beer / sherry / gin / champers*
(delete as applicable)

CHEERS!

R.I.P. Kerry
xxx 

The Power Of Bloggers #Healing4Kerry

Every blogger has that moment.

The moment when they want to say something but the words just don't seem to come easily.

This isn't one of those posts.

Although this is a hard thing to blog about, the words flow easy because of the subject.

Kerry.

AKA Multiple Mummy.

Kerry has been a big part of my blogging life right from the start. She started blogging just a few weeks after I did so we instantly hit it off. We entered the world of blogging together and never looked back. Her blog became an huge success because of her being so lovely, genuine and down to earth. We would spend ages chatting on Twitter and striking up an online friendship. Six months later we finally got to meet at Cybermummy 2011.

It's always the same when you finally meet someone you've 'known' online. You wonder if they will be the same lovely person in the flesh as they are online. I've blogged before about how the online world has brought me some amazing friendships - it even brought me a gorgeous husband!

Well, Kerry is one of the many wonderful bloggers who totally live up to their online persona.

She's beautiful, funny, genuine, kind and lovely.

However, something happened this Summer that made me, once again, realise just how precious and fragile life is.

Kerry suffered a brain haemorrhage at the end of July.

The whole blogging community was in total shock.

Kerry was in a coma for some time and continues to have setbacks. Unable to speak or feed herself, Kerry's husband (Multiple Daddy) is doing an amazing job of raising their 3 gorgeous little ones - and managing to keep up Kerry's amazing blog.

Today, Liska (AKA NewMumOnline) has asked bloggers to hand their blogs over to Kerry and come together to pray, wish, meditate etc. to send positive thoughts. I'm not a religious person but Kerry is constantly in my thoughts and my heart aches for her and her beautiful family. I wish with all my heart that her rehab goes well and she does not suffer anymore setbacks. We are a month away from Christmas and the best present ever would be that Kerry makes dramatic progress along her healing pathway.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - bloggers are awesome. As a collective we have the power to make a difference. I've seen it countless times across blogs and twitter, we make make waves for positive change, we spread the word about things, we get our voices heard. Today we are using ours to shout out for #Healing4Kerry. We need to believe that we can make a difference.

So please, join with me and the rest of the blogging community as we join together to make that wish a reality for Kerry. Please spare some time on Twitter at 22.00GMT today using the hashtag #Healing4Kerry and send your wishes or prayers her way.

This post was written as part of the #Healing4Kerry Blog Hop