Tiny Ched 1 Today!

It's a happy day today.

Tiny Ched was born a year ago.

I can't believe my beautiful baby boy is 1.

I say it's a happy day but there's a bit of me that's sad. Those who know me or read my blog will know why, so I won't go into detail, but let's just say I have so much to be thankful for. Today, as well as enjoying TC's birthday, I am also thinking of others less fortunate.

TC is such a gorgeous little boy. He's happy, smiley, cuddley, inquisitive, charming and, most importantly, loves his sleep. He's given us so much joy and is loved by all - especially his big sister.

He's not really near to walking yet (a lot later than his sister who was walking by this age) but he can free-stand and cruises with ease. He's doing some lovely things - waving, clapping his hands and doing high fives etc. Watching him learn through play each day is incredible. He also does the cutest 'head tilt' you've ever seen. Unfortunately he's not too well at the moment but we are going to try and make the best of the day.

So Happy Birthday, Tiny Ched. We love you very much xx

28th March 2012

28th March 2013

2 Years Of Blogging TODAY!

I still can't believe that exactly 2 years ago today I wrote my very first crap blog post. Yes, it's my 2 year Blogoversary today.

2 years.

2 YEARS!

What a 2 years it's been.

I've laughed, I've loved, I've made friends, I've lost friends, I've jumped for joy, I've cried tears and in the middle of it all I gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy.

I can't believe another year of blogging has gone by. I've not blogged as much this year and I'll be the first to admit that my time and energy has gone into my family life more. I feel like I have the balance right now. I do sometimes wish I had more time to spend on Twitter and other blogs reading the amazing things that are out there but that will come in time as my baby boy grows. For now, I'm enjoying every minute with him, MC and Matt.

This time last year I reflected back on my first year of blogging so this year it's time to look back over 2012.

Before I start I want to say I'm dedicating this post to the beautiful and inspirational Kerry AKA Multiple Mummy. I've said before that she started blogging just after me and, along with a couple of other amazing women, she felt like my blogging sister. I had the pleasure of spending some time with her and she was even more lovely in real life than she was on her blog. Sadly, Kerry passed away just before Christmas. Her passing has left me so shocked and has made me realise that you really never know what is around the corner so you should seize every moment with both hands. I'm certainly more determined than ever not to stress the little stuff.

Kerry was only 30 and leaves behind a loving husband and 3 very young children. May 2013 be full of love, health, happiness and strength for them.

So, here's my blogging journey for 2012...


January
The year kicked off in amazing style. Matt, Mini Cheddar and I (complete with baby bump) jetted off for 3 whole, and totally amazing, weeks in Florida. It was to be a holiday we would never EVER forget and we can't wait to go back to Orlando.

February
Despite MC only having a dummy at night time we managed to successfully get her straight off the dummy when we returned from our holiday. 3 cheers for the dummy fairy! I also celebrated a year of volunteering for my local Save The Children shop. Matt flew off to America for a job interview when I was heavily pregnant and fighting a lot of bad feelings.

March
Matt didn't get the job in America...much to my relief. We celebrated MC's 3rd Birthday - I still can't believe what a beautiful and clever little girl Matt and I produced. I was brave enough to post a picture of me and my huge bump at almost 40 weeks pregnant.

April
I announced the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Tini Ched (TC), on the blog (born 28th March). He was, and still is, perfection. I wrote, in my opinion, one of my best ever blog posts which discusses caesarean section and the stigma attached to it. I was overwhelmed by the response it received from comments, tweets, DM's and e-mails. I also blogged TC's birth story. I raised some smiles with my 'You Know You've Just Had A Baby' post.

May
Matt landed a shiny new job! I was nominated for not one but two MAD Blog Awards for Best Pregnancy and Best Baby Blog. Thank you once again for all those who voted for me. Another post which I'm a little bit proud of followed - this time about the benefits to us of co-sleeping. Something else which has a bit of a stigma attached to it.

June
I started to think about 'coming out' and admitting to all friends and family that I wrote a blog. Bank Holiday Bedlam took place which involved a lot of vomiting and crying. It was a day I'll never forget! Tiny Ched was 12 weeks old already!

July
I decided I am going to keep quiet in future and not blog about things smugly for fear of them going wrong! I blogged about thoughts and feeling I'd been having since having children and it stuck a chord with a lot of you. MC had the MOTHER of all tantrums.

August
Despite her outburst the previous month, I was reminded just what a hilarious and brilliant daughter MC is. My house was invaded by a slimy little f**ker!

September
I, thanks to you guys, was awarded the Best Baby Blog at The MAD Blog Awards. I couldn't make the ceremony and found out via Twitter. To say I was totally gobsmacked was a complete understatement.

October
Matt resigned from his new job without a job to go to. It was a crazy few weeks but one we got through and it turned out to be the best decision he made. I was chosen to be a Cosatto Brand Buddy which was amazing. I developed mastitis which was a bitch!

November
I remembered Betty Dogface one year on. I took the decision to give up breastfeeding TC at 7 months following mastitis. I was gutted. I went back to my volunteer job at Save The Children after being off on maternity. Once again I felt the incredible power of the blogging community as we joined together to heal Kerry. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be.

December
This was a month that saw me mainly survive blogging via Silent Sunday posts due to battling a run of bad health and just being VERY busy with everything. I did manage to find time to question where my tits had disappeared to though!


So here's to 2013.

Thank you to you, my lovely blog readers. Thank you for sticking with me through the good and the bad and, once again, thank you for all your support. Happy New Year to each and every one of you. May your 2013 be full of the love, health and happiness you all deserve.

*raises a glass of wine / vodka / beer / sherry / gin / champers*
(delete as applicable)

CHEERS!

R.I.P. Kerry
xxx 

Bump, Birth & Beyond - The Britmums Carnival Is Here!

I didn't really have a firm theme in mind when I signed up to host the Britmums Carnival sometime last year and a lot has changed since then.

Just these last 5 months I've gone from this:

To this:

And I couldn't be happier.

So what better theme to host on my blog than 'Pregnancy and Birth'. Although it's a theme the rules, as always, are pretty relaxed so grab a cuppa, sit down, relax (if possible) and enjoy these amazing blogs that I've brought together for your enjoyment...



First up is Mum On The Brink who takes us on the roller coaster ride of the recent birth of her beautiful baby boy...how she managed to tweet through it all I will never know. Respect!

Trying to conceive a child can be a stressful and lonely time sometimes so it's lovely to hear Gillian from A Baby On Board talk openly about fertility problems and then finding out she was pregnant. I'm sure it will give many couples some much needed hope.

Emma who writes over at They Grow So Quick explains the good, the bad and the ugly about being pregnant. I can certainly sympathise with a couple of things - especially the heartburn. She also shares the birth story of her son which didn't go quite to plan.

Next up is a controversial (but I do have to agree) view of the NCT and their promotion of 'natural birth' in Actually Mummy's super birth story.

Rachel from Three Years & Home shares her sheer and utter disbelief when she found out she was 4 weeks pregnant. I think anyone who's peed on a stick can related to this one!

Maggy from Red Ted Art wants pregnant ladies to relax with these lovely lavender bath sachets. Then, after your bath, why not eat some scrummy healthy blackberry tartlets which she has blogged about on her other blog, Life At The Zoo.

Missy B was pregnant at the same time as me so we followed each others ups and downs. Here she shares the birth story of her beautiful daughter who arrived with one contraction! Yes, I repeat, one contraction!

Right, sound the trumpets because our first 'BritDad', Daddacool would like to share his birth story - the birth of the baby he almost missed. Please note, no speeding was involved during the race to the hospital.

Mum Reinvented also managed to tweet her way through labour and managed to make two tiramasus and a buffet lunch. Read the first part of her birth story and you'll be hungry to read the second part too!

Want to see someone looking utterly gorgeous post-birth after delivering twins by c-section? Then check out Marianne from Mari's World and her fabulous birth story of her beautiful twin girls.

Diane from Bringing Up The Babies shares her previous birth experiences and compares these to the home birth she chose to have with her fourth child. It's a really great post for anyone contemplating a home birth experience.

Now, Katie from Mummy, Daddy and Me Makes Three may have to change the title of her blog soon with this absolutely gorgeous announcement that will melt your heart! Check out the cute video.

A great one from the archives now from Simon who blogs at From Rat Racer to Homeworking Parent. She explains how even on maternity leave she couldn't rest so decided to volunteer.

Emma from Outmumbered shares with us the first moments of her two sons lives and how different they were. She also bares it all for us with her post-pregnancy belly acceptance and how much it doesn't matter. Hear hear!

This post from SouthwarkBelle is one I can really relate to. That big question that faces mums who've previously had a caesarean section...VBAC or repeat section? Perhaps those of you who've been there can offer some support?

Mamabmumto3 shares her wonderful birth story of Elena Grace and empowers women to trust their maternal instincts. She also has the most amazing photos.

Laura from Mumories has blogged about the condition Hyperemesis which will causes problems for around 1 in 50 pregnant mothers. If ever you feel like complaining about the usual morning sickness - just read this. I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must be.

Not My Year Off talks about naming our children and how possessive we can feel over names. There's also usually some 'horrible cow' ready to spoil our special moment!

Zoe from Mama Geek has some exciting news for everyone! Her and her husband are so thrilled but it seems their daughter is more captivated by the local hospital gnome garden.

Over at Dear Beautiful Boy, Lucy shares those niggling thoughts that all mothers who are expecting their second child goes through I think. I know I did. This is a really powerful post.

Emma from Me, The Man & The Baby writes an amazingly honest post about how tough her recent pregnancy was and explains why she had a mental health midwife. Big love going out to her.

Want to now how it feels to give birth in France? Franglaise Mummy shares her super birth story from over the other side of the channel.

Most of us have felt pressure at some point during pregnancy and birth and sadly, a lot of the time, it appears to surround breastfeeding. Jo's Nursery shares her breastfeeding experience and how she tried her best but her experience hasn't put her off trying again in future.

Carolin from Mummy Alarm takes a break from writing and hands her blog over to her other half Ben who relives the birth of their daughter Amy through his words.

Munchies and Munchkins asks that well-known question - How do you learn to be a parent? I think we've all experienced the motherhood education journey.

Know how giving birth to one baby feels? Well try two! Crazy With Twins shares her gory birth story with us. She's now officially my hero.

Bex from The Mummy Adventure is another one with some exciting news - check out her recent Silent Sunday photo and share with your congratulations with her.

Another amazing home birth story shared here by Emma from 4 Munchkins Plus Mummy but this time with added cleaning and vacuuming! I kid you not.

Want to go on a 16 year journey? Sonya from The Ramblings of a Formerly Rock'n'Roll Mum looks back on the birth of her 16 year old daughter and shares a truly beautiful verse with us too.

Now prepare yourself with some tissues - this birth post of baby Holly from Becky over at The Ar-Blog made me blub. The photos are truly amazing.

Sound the trumpets again - we have another 'BritDad' onboard from Baby-A blog. Here we have a great Dads perspective of the pregnancy journey and beyond . I think every new Dad will be able to relate to this. We also have another post from Baby-A blog which is a must for anyone thinking of having a water birth.

Keep the trumpets going for our third and final 'BritDad'. James Newhouse describes what exactly it feels like to be a Dad in the delivery room with not a dinosaur or sabre-toothed tiger in sight!

The Real Housewife of Suffolk County, Lauren, is wondering when the waiting game of pregnancy will be up and she will have her little baby boy with her. We've all been there with anxiousness in some shape or form.

Last, but by no means least, is a collection of posts which can be found over at This Baby Likes... which is a collaborative blog from mums and babies under one year old sharing ideas, development and products they love.



So, there we have it. An incredible carnival I think you'll agree. I've loved reading through each and every one of these posts and I hope you do to. I've found some great new reads too!

Thank you to everyone who sent me a post.*



*If you tweeted me, rather than emailed me, there's a chance your tweet could have been lost by Twitter as one I knew I'd read had gone missing but I did remember it (who says I have baby brain!) Please let me know if you should be here and you aren't.

Bring Me A Dream (My 2nd Birth Story)

Most of my regular readers will already know from Mini Cheddar's Birth Story and other posts that I had a her by caesarean section. You will also know from my more recent post that I took the decision to have a repeat caesarean to bring my baby boy into the world recently.

My boy.

I'll never tire of saying that. I'm completely in love with him and he's an adorable addition to our family.

His 'blog' name will be Tiny Ched (a play on Tiny Ted) from now on thanks to my Mum and also the lovely Annwen from Ramblings Of A Suburban Mummy.

This is his birth story...

I'd had well over a month to prepare myself for my c-section date. Having had a previous caesarean section you would think I would have taken it all in my stride. I didn't. I was unbelievably nervous and anxious - moreso than last time.

Matt and I arrived at the hospital before 8am on Wednesday 28th March (my parents were looking after MC) and were shown to the waiting room. We were still there 40 minutes later (not good for my nerves) when Matt decided to go find someone to ask what was happening. Just then we were called down to our room.

The midwife explained that there was an emergency section taking place and so the 2 planned sections would be delayed. I hoped I would be the first one called through but my chances were slim as the other planned one was a lady who had been admitted overnight.

I was starving! Fasting from midnight when pregnant is not good and I was ravenous. It hadn't been helped by a quick stop at McDonalds for Matt enroute to the hospital (it was my idea so he had something to keep him going).

The midwife returned and told me I was going to be the second elective so I wouldn't be having my section until at least lunchtime.

I was crushed.

A moment later the anaesthetist came into the room to introduce himself. I told him I was ravenous and he said that they would put a fluid drip into my arm to help get something into me. He disappeared and then returned later with a cannula which he inserted into my arm. Then said "Well, you're up - they've moved you forward".

I had no time to think before the room was filled with medical staff introducing themselves. They were all lovely and friendly and were cracking jokes to try and put me at ease. Then I walked across the hallway and into theatre.

Seeing them write my name on the board brought all the memories of MC's birth flooding back to me.

I started to cry.

Our family was about to become 4.

I was about to meet my baby boy.

Two female surgeons had delivered MC and my little boy was to be delivered by two men. One of which was the top consultant who was absolutely fantastic.

I'd been apprehensive that, after the amazing experience of MC's birth, this birth wouldn't be the birth I'd hoped for.

I was wrong.

Fresh out the womb -
the first time I held hands with my baby boy

It was better.

The medical team were just amazing.

I actually felt Tiny Ched being born. I felt him being pulled out of me - something which I hadn't felt with MC's birth. It was incredible.

When he entered the world he certainly made his presence known. He screamed and screamed. Something that MC didn't do (she just poo'ed!).

He was born at 10.44am at 39+1 weeks and weighed a good 8lb 2oz.

His birth song? This was playing on the radio in the theatre the moment he was brought into the world. So I now have two amazing songs that I will always hold dear to my heart for the birth of my beautiful children.



Matt was incredible throughout the birth. He was constantly supporting me and I couldn't have gotten through it without him.

Tiny Ched was passed to me as soon as the cord was cut and we were able to have skin to skin to establish breastfeeding whilst I was stitched up.

MC and TC get to meet (I'm a bit emotional)

That afternoon my parents and parents-in-law brought Mini Cheddar to meet her new baby brother. They all waited in the cafe so Matt and I could introduce the two on our own. It was incredible. I knew straight away I was going to adore being a mummy to two children.

My recovery went well and the next day I was up, out of bed, showered and changed - all before 8am. I knew I wanted to go home that day but I wasn't sure they would let me as normally a c-section involves at least a 2 night stay but they were happy with my progress. I left the hospital just after 4pm that next day and they rest is history. I have arnica to thank for my speedy healing! I swear by it and I'm already driving again.

Tiny Ched will be 3 weeks old this coming Wednesday and it's like he's always been here. He's the world's most contented baby - he sleeps all day and all night. If only MC had been this easy!


He certainly lives up to his birth song.

He's a dream.

My boy

Caesarean Section - My Choice

Towards the end of February I noticed quite a lot of talk on Twitter following an episode of One Born Every Minute (a program I don't actually watch)*. I think there was a lot of talk about elective caesarean sections and some people perhaps having an opinion that those having them were 'too posh to push'.

Easily done, I guess, considering the use of words and what society and the media puts across. Also, if you haven't been put in an elective section position then you aren't going to be fully aware of what it means.

The problem is the term 'elective'. It almost brandishes the woman with the 'too posh to push' - a term I detest so much. This was a phrase that was said to me when I was pregnant with Mini Cheddar in 2009 and due to give birth by elective section. This person was a total stranger! I left the shop feeling really angry with myself for just giving a fake laugh and walking out the shop upset when what I should have done was put this woman right.

You see, Mini Cheddar was a breech baby. She had been breech right from 28 weeks and we tried everything to get her to turn. I played music to my private parts (yes, really!) in an effort to get her to move her head towards the sound. I lay on the sofa with my bottom raised and all sorts of other positions to try and move her. My husband even lit special candles and held them against my little toes every day. If you've not heard that one before, it's called moxibustion. It's supposed to have a great success rate but sadly it didn't work for us.

No, MC was stuck breech and at almost 37 weeks I had to face up to the fact I couldn't have the natural water birth I'd spent months planning. I was completely crushed. I cried for a a week or so.

I had no choice but to have an 'elective' section. There it is again. That word - elective.

To elect is to 'choose' and given the choice I would have chosen natural birth any day. I didn't want to undergo major surgery. I didn't want to risk not being able to have skin-to-skin with my baby and not being able to establish breastfeeding. I didn't want to spend 2 or more nights in hospital. I just wanted my water birth and I spent a good amount of time crying about the fact my dreams were shattered.

There was also that old saying I'd heard 'Once a section - always a section' but the hospital set me straight that if I went on to have another child and everything was okay then I could try for a VBAC.

However, MC's birth turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life and something I hold dear to my heart. I wish I could relive it over again - something that I'm not sure many other people would say. I absolutely loved writing my birth story "My Always Shining Star" and I could talk about the birth forever. It was lovely. We had immediate skin-to-skin and I breastfed her successfully for over 6 months.

So, when I fell pregnant this time around I was faced with a bit of a dilemma. Repeat caesarean or a VBAC.

What to do? What to do?

This baby was in the right position and so the hospital would support me (and encourage me) if I wanted to go for a VBAC.

You know what though. I didn't. Deep down I just didn't want to. Not that I'm 'too posh to push'. Not that I'm scared of the natural birth process. Nothing like that.

I was told that if I wanted a VBAC I would have to be continuously monitored and stay on the bed. I still had hopes of a water birth but I was told that wasn't an option with the VBAC. Also, if I went 10 days over my due date I would probably have to have an 'emergency' caesarean anyway as they wouldn't fully induce me.

Also, I felt pressure to choose a VBAC. Not the hospital but underlying comments from 'well meaning' people and what society would expect me to do. There will always be the 'natural birth brigade' who act holier than thou and consider that you 'aren't a woman until you experience natural birth'.

You know what I say to that?

Utter bollocks**

My beautiful daughter and son -
both born by 'elective' section

Whatever way a child is delivered into this world is 'birth' - be it natural or by caesarean. What women go through carrying a baby for 9 months and whichever way that child is born is amazing. What matters is that mother and baby are happy and healthy. No woman should be condemned for bringing a child into the world.

Also, what about all those women who can't have children? Are they any less of a woman? No.

Knowing someone who underwent a VBAC which went wrong and resulted in a baby with cerebral palsy made my decision a lot easier. I know there were risks to me having a caesarean but I'd rather risk myself than risk my baby. Surely that means I'm not 'too posh to push' but I'm a brave and confident woman who wants to put the health of my baby first?

I don't care what society expects me to do. At the end of the day it's my body, my baby and so should be my choice.

* This post is by no way getting at anyone who may have thought 'elective' always means too posh to push. As I said, it's no surprise as this is what society and the media portrays.


**I very rarely swear on my blog so forgive me but I'm extremely passionate about this subject.

Post-Pregnancy Patter...He's Here!

So, our little baby boy arrived into the world at 10.44am on Wednesday 28th March.

I know I'm biased but he's beautiful.

Look...

So, that's the first secret out - I was expecting a boy!

The second thing I've kept to myself is that I was booked in for another c-section and I'd had my date scheduled since my last consultant appointment on 21st February. It wasn't a decision I took lightly but I knew it was the right one for me and I don't regret it for a single moment. I never thought it would be as good as the first experience with MC's birth but it was. In fact, it was better. I will report more on that soon.

So Baby E is here.

He needs a 'blog name'.

Mini Cheddar's name was born out of the fact some friends of mine call me 'Cheddar' or 'Ched' for short so it was natural we all had a laugh when I was pregnant with a 'Mini Cheddar'.  I had every intention of nicknaming this little one Babybel or BB for short but I'm not sure if it sounds a little girly? It's either that or Baby Ched. What do you think?

Baby E (as he will be known as for now) is a totally different baby to what MC was.  All he does is sleep. Honestly, you wouldn't even know he was here. Matt and I are getting good solid blocks of sleep each night - we are actually waking him for feeds or he'd sleep through the night. He just sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. I've never known a baby like it.

MC loves him very much as you can see from my Silent Sunday post yesterday. She's totally besotted and so gentle and caring with him.

So, this is a very quick update just to let you know how things are and to officially announce he's here.

I'm unbelievably happy. I have a new man in my life and he's the best.

I'm in love.

Pregnancy Patter - 22 Weeks And The Big VBAC Debate

I can't believe it's almost 2 weeks since my 20 week scan. I'm 22 weeks tomorrow - eek.

2 weeks of knowing the sex of our baby, it's a strange feeling...one I'm still not really used to. Part of me wishes that I didn't know as some of the excitement has gone now. Matt wanted to know (and I didn't) so I'll blame him happily. Still, at least it gives me something to focus on and the opportunity to look at proper themes for the nursery rather than just going neutral like we did last time.

In my last update I told you that I was ill with a sore throat and headache and that Mini Cheddar had been suffering badly with an awful cold and cough. Well, that transferred to me and I've spent a good amount of time in bed over these past couple of weeks feeling truly horrible (hence the lack of blog activity). I still have an awful cough now. Just as I was starting to recover at the end of last week I was hit with a stomach bug (or I ate something that didn't agree with me) and spent another day and a half in bed - and on the loo!

I'm hoping that after 3 weeks of illness I'm finally bug free and can look forward to Christmas - and our yearly December mini holiday up to Edinburgh in a couple of weeks. I'm also hoping to catch up on everyones blogs again!

So, on to other things...

As most of you know I had to have an elective section due to Mini Cheddar being well and truly stuck in the breech position.

The thing is, I'd planned a natural water birth so when I was told this news I was completely crushed. My NCT course covering natural birth (with a brief 10 minute section on caesarean birth) seemed pretty pointless at the time. I spent a good couple of weeks in tears and took to a baby forum where, with help from others in the same situation, I got through it and accepted I was having a c-section.

I turned it into a positive in the end and, as it happened, I had an amazing birth. The caesarean was a lovely experience and one I will cherish.

Shortly after the birth of Mini Cheddar
(eyes and nose puffy from blubbing)

So, now I'm pregnant again and over half way through. I saw my consultant a couple of weeks ago and she gave me a leaflet on having a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). They are recommending I try for a VBAC as I have no real medical reason to request a caesarean but I can push for one if I wish.

The thing is, after being so totally crushed at not being able to go through a natural birth process last time, I always thought I would jump at the chance for a VBAC. But now, faced with the decision I find myself wondering if I really want to try for one. My head is filled with so many questions...

1. What if my scar ruptures?
2. What if I can't get through the natural birth and end up having an emergency caesarean?
3. What if something awful happens?
4. What if, what if, what if?

I know it's just me being silly and worrying but I know so many women who have gone through natural labour only to end up having an emergency caesarean. I don't think I could cope with that after having such a positive first birth experience. The thought of everything spiralling out of control makes me very nervous.

However, it may not come to that...everything could be fine.

If I choose an elective section the thought of having to spend 2 nights in hospital away from Matt and Mini Cheddar after afterwards also fills me with dread. The thought of not being able to pick MC up or do much around the house etc. is not something I would want either.

However, when I had my first caesarean, as it was elective, I had a great recovery. I was driving 2 weeks afterwards and healed really quickly.

I have been told if I go for a VBAC then they will only allow me to go a week overdue and if there are no signs of labour they will go ahead with a caesarean anyway so part of me is thinking I should just go ahead with a section and save all the faffing!

Oh decisions, decisions.

I'm seeing my consultant 21st February 2012 so I have until then to decide. I'm trying not to think about it until after Christmas but it's not going to be easy.

My Always Shining Star (My Birth Story)

This post has been a long time coming and a few weeks back I was prompted to mention it on a post by Karin at Cafebebe. She contacted me and told me she'd love to hear it and I think it will be a good one to blog about as a memory and may help some people out there facing an important birthing decision.

This will probably be the biggest blog post I've ever written and the most personal photos I'll ever share.

Before I start though, I'd just like to let you all know that I'm guest posting over at Chronicles Of A Reluctant HouseDad today so, after I've bored you with my birth story, you can head over to Keith's place and I can bore you with why I love being a Stay At Home Mum!

So, got yourself a brew? Comfy? Then I'll begin.

Back in July 2008 when I found out I was expecting my first child at the age of 34 I was ecstatic! So began my preparations over the following months - picking out nursery furniture to convert the spare room, buying baby clothes, choosing names and also writing my birth plan.

I wanted a water birth.

Think low-lighting, music playing.  I had the perfect picture in my head.

I started listening to hypnotherapy CD's to help me with the birth and I thought I was in control of everything.

My bump had never caused me concern until around week 28 when, at a midwife check, I was told the baby was feet down (breech). The midwife didn't seem too concerned saying there was plenty of time for he/she to move.

As the weeks went on it was apparent that the baby was not turning. By 35 weeks I was really starting to panic and booked to have a treatment of moxibustion to try and turn the baby naturally. We even continued this at home - yes, Matt ended up basically burning candles on my toes! I was also positioning my body to encourage turning and also playing music to my lady garden! The things you'll do.

I was in sheer panic at the thought of not being able to deliver my baby naturally. I cried endlessly and sought comfort in baby forums.  I was a wreck although I hid it from the outside world.  We had paid for NCT classes and felt we were so knowledgeable about natural birth but we weren't prepared for the possibility of a caesarean.

At 36 weeks I was offered an ECV to try and manipulate the baby to turn. I did a lot of research on the procedure and spoke at length to the consultant. As it happened, when we had a late scan, the baby was well and truly stuck the wrong way so Matt and I decided that it wasn't for us. We opted for an elective caesarean section. I fought with many demons over this decision but it will, to this day, be one of the best decisions I ever made.

I was booked in to have the section Wednesday 11th March 2009 (due date was 16th March).  There was only one person, other than Matt, that knew I was booked in and that was my Sister. We took the decision not to tell anyone to lessen their worry and also let it be a surprise when the baby was born. Again, this was one of the best decisions we made.

I used the next couple of weeks to prepare myself for everything I would need to get through the section with as little upset as possible.  I bought the NCT Caesarean Birth book which was excellent.  I bought myself a caesarean belt from Mothercare and I bought myself some arnica pills from Boots.

The night before the section Matt and I went out for a meal to the restaurant he'd proposed marriage and where we'd had our wedding reception meal.  It was lovely. The two of us were wrapped in this little bubble - we knew we were going to be parents the next day and our lives would change forever.

That night I woke up at 2am and I was really sick.  I had bad tightening pains that felt like severe
menstrual cramps start in the morning and I was leaking fluid.  On the way to the hospital I had a couple of really bad pains and I'm still convinced that I was in early labour and that the baby knew it was time to come out.

I was so calm at the hospital until the anesthetist came in to talk to me about what was going to happen. I felt uncontrollably teary and down the corridor I heard a baby enter the world with it's first cry and I started to shake.

Sexy *cough*

I needn't have worried though...my tears turned to laughter later when Matt appeared in the room looking more like some idiot from Scrubs rather than George Clooney in ER as I had hoped (sorry Matt!).

I couldn't believe how relaxed and friendly it was inside the theatre when we got there. The radio was playing and everyone was lovely.  The spinal block I had was fine although the sensation of not feeling your legs is a little strange at first! Matt was sat next to my head holding my hand. I felt quite calm.

Within 5 minutes of them starting the procedure I remember the midwife (who was standing next to us) saying "Your baby is about to be born".

Matt and I both got a little emotional as we looked at each other for a brief moment as 'childless parents'. Matt said "listen to the radio" and I heard an old early 90's song called You from Ten Sharp playing with these words:

You, you were always on my mind
you, you're the one I've been living for
you, you're my everlasting fire
you're my always shining star

Then our beautiful baby was held up by the for us by the obstetrician so we could both see she was a little girl.

New (and knackered and emotional) parents

We both started crying and I vaguely remember Mini Cheddar deciding to poo meconium at that point. Always one for an entrance is our daughter!

Matt was able to cut the cord and then she was passed to us for some immediate skin-to-skin.  We were just so happy, even writing this post makes it all come flooding back like it was only yesterday.

I was stitched up and we were taken back into the recovery room where we were able to cuddle our daughter and then phone our families.  They were so shocked as we hadn't told them. I'll never forget phoning my Dad, who was on the golf course at the time and I heard him get very emotional.

When I think back to how upset, angry, worried and frustrated that I couldn't have the 'natural' birth I wanted I have to laugh at myself. For me, my section was the most amazing experience ever.

Freshly wrapped Mini Cheddar

I took arnica from the moment of my operation and my recovery was excellent. I was in far better shape a week later than a friend who had a natural birth just 2 days before I had my caesarean. I was also back driving within 2 weeks and leading a normal life (as normal as life can be that is with a new baby!)

I know when there was the prospect of me having a caesarean I did receive a couple of comments (one from a stranger and one from a 'friend' who is anti-caesarean) who made me feel bad, like I was failing at being a 'real mother'. Well, you know what? I don't feel any less of a woman for not delivering naturally, in fact I'm proud of myself that I went through all that I did.

However a child is born us mothers are strong, determined and courageous to carry our bundles and give birth - whether that's naturally or not.