Caesarean Section - My Choice

Towards the end of February I noticed quite a lot of talk on Twitter following an episode of One Born Every Minute (a program I don't actually watch)*. I think there was a lot of talk about elective caesarean sections and some people perhaps having an opinion that those having them were 'too posh to push'.

Easily done, I guess, considering the use of words and what society and the media puts across. Also, if you haven't been put in an elective section position then you aren't going to be fully aware of what it means.

The problem is the term 'elective'. It almost brandishes the woman with the 'too posh to push' - a term I detest so much. This was a phrase that was said to me when I was pregnant with Mini Cheddar in 2009 and due to give birth by elective section. This person was a total stranger! I left the shop feeling really angry with myself for just giving a fake laugh and walking out the shop upset when what I should have done was put this woman right.

You see, Mini Cheddar was a breech baby. She had been breech right from 28 weeks and we tried everything to get her to turn. I played music to my private parts (yes, really!) in an effort to get her to move her head towards the sound. I lay on the sofa with my bottom raised and all sorts of other positions to try and move her. My husband even lit special candles and held them against my little toes every day. If you've not heard that one before, it's called moxibustion. It's supposed to have a great success rate but sadly it didn't work for us.

No, MC was stuck breech and at almost 37 weeks I had to face up to the fact I couldn't have the natural water birth I'd spent months planning. I was completely crushed. I cried for a a week or so.

I had no choice but to have an 'elective' section. There it is again. That word - elective.

To elect is to 'choose' and given the choice I would have chosen natural birth any day. I didn't want to undergo major surgery. I didn't want to risk not being able to have skin-to-skin with my baby and not being able to establish breastfeeding. I didn't want to spend 2 or more nights in hospital. I just wanted my water birth and I spent a good amount of time crying about the fact my dreams were shattered.

There was also that old saying I'd heard 'Once a section - always a section' but the hospital set me straight that if I went on to have another child and everything was okay then I could try for a VBAC.

However, MC's birth turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life and something I hold dear to my heart. I wish I could relive it over again - something that I'm not sure many other people would say. I absolutely loved writing my birth story "My Always Shining Star" and I could talk about the birth forever. It was lovely. We had immediate skin-to-skin and I breastfed her successfully for over 6 months.

So, when I fell pregnant this time around I was faced with a bit of a dilemma. Repeat caesarean or a VBAC.

What to do? What to do?

This baby was in the right position and so the hospital would support me (and encourage me) if I wanted to go for a VBAC.

You know what though. I didn't. Deep down I just didn't want to. Not that I'm 'too posh to push'. Not that I'm scared of the natural birth process. Nothing like that.

I was told that if I wanted a VBAC I would have to be continuously monitored and stay on the bed. I still had hopes of a water birth but I was told that wasn't an option with the VBAC. Also, if I went 10 days over my due date I would probably have to have an 'emergency' caesarean anyway as they wouldn't fully induce me.

Also, I felt pressure to choose a VBAC. Not the hospital but underlying comments from 'well meaning' people and what society would expect me to do. There will always be the 'natural birth brigade' who act holier than thou and consider that you 'aren't a woman until you experience natural birth'.

You know what I say to that?

Utter bollocks**

My beautiful daughter and son -
both born by 'elective' section

Whatever way a child is delivered into this world is 'birth' - be it natural or by caesarean. What women go through carrying a baby for 9 months and whichever way that child is born is amazing. What matters is that mother and baby are happy and healthy. No woman should be condemned for bringing a child into the world.

Also, what about all those women who can't have children? Are they any less of a woman? No.

Knowing someone who underwent a VBAC which went wrong and resulted in a baby with cerebral palsy made my decision a lot easier. I know there were risks to me having a caesarean but I'd rather risk myself than risk my baby. Surely that means I'm not 'too posh to push' but I'm a brave and confident woman who wants to put the health of my baby first?

I don't care what society expects me to do. At the end of the day it's my body, my baby and so should be my choice.

* This post is by no way getting at anyone who may have thought 'elective' always means too posh to push. As I said, it's no surprise as this is what society and the media portrays.


**I very rarely swear on my blog so forgive me but I'm extremely passionate about this subject.

Guest Post...Inside The Wendy House - My Sliding Doors

Wendy from 'Inside The Wendy House' is someone who I've been friends with for just over a year (since I started blogging) - we just seemed to click and have spent many an evening in stitches chatting on Twitter. Maybe our joint love of toilet humour joined us together? 


Despite being a relatively 'newbie blogger' herself, when I plunged head first into this cyber world, she was so helpful and knowledgeable. I've met her a number of times now in real life and she's fabulous. Her love for her family overflows with a passion.


Plus she's one very cool mummy!


Here, in her guest post 'My Sliding Doors', she explains how, even though we are both SAHM's, our lives are so different...

Heather, the very lovely lady behind SAHM Loving It is off holidaying (lucky thing!) and has turned over her blog to a bunch of guest bloggers, of which I am honoured to be one.  

I first met Heather and her lovely little girl MC earlier this year, when we organised a day out at Cheshire Ice Cream Farm.  MC is almost the same age as Freddy, my little boy, and they played beautifully together. Me and Heather are similarly aged (OK I'm way older but I'll gloss over that!), both happily married, stay at home mums.  But our lives are very different.   MC is Heather's first born and Freddy is my fifth child.  

I  started out on my path to being a mum when I was just 19.  In my 24 years of motherhood I have had five children now aged 2, 9, 15, 20 and 24.  I have given birth in my teens, twenties, thirties and forties.  This has given me a large family with a big age range and I've never been without a little one.   When my family gets together there is an incredible dynamic.  The older children are fantastic role models to the younger ones and provide a lot of help and support.  I really enjoy my family life but sometimes wonder how different my life could have been if I'd followed Heather's way of doing things.  What if I hadn't become a teen mum?  What if I'd made a life for myself before becoming  a parent?

Being a mother has defined who I am for 24 years.  During this time I have had jobs but never a career.  I was all set to go to university with a string of A grades to my name.  However I didn't take the opportunity and fate saw me become a single mum instead.  I'll never know who that 'me' who graduated with a degree in Sociology and Psychology grew up to be.  I had aspirations to teach or counsel children with emotional difficulties.  Perhaps in an alternate reality, I've made a difference, helped people, made the world a better place?  I'll never know.

There is a whole world out there that I've never explored.  I've never had the wanderlust to backpack across Australia or drive Route 66 in a convertible, but I wonder if this is because I've always had to worry about the fact that I had children to consider.  Holidays became focused on the needs of the kids.  Their comfort, safety and enjoyment, teamed with the convenience and ease I needed to cope with holidaying with little ones, soon put a stop to any dreams I'd harboured about visiting the Mayan temples or exploring the jungles of Borneo.  Centre Parcs and Disneyland Paris became resorts of choice, pushing any urges to travel firmly to the darkest recesses of my mind.

My marriage has never existed without the responsibility of parenting.  My relationship with my husband has never had the carefree element of spontaneity, financial freedom or the joy of selfishly immersing ourselves into each other.  I already had two children when we got together and we had our third child a year before we got married.  There has always been the children to consider, even if we managed to find some time to be alone, the kids have always been at the forefront of our minds, monopolizing the conversation and influencing our decisions.  I wonder how our relationship may have been different had we had some together time, just the two of us.  Would we have become different people if we had spent the first years of our marriage getting to know one another as individuals rather than being parents?  Would I see my husband differently, have different expectations of his role in my life?

Having a child so young and with no partner did not put me in a good position financially.  However, I have always been frugal and shrewd with money and with hard work managed to ease my family's way up the ladder.  I started with nothing but we are now very comfortable in our own detached home.  I wonder if my frugality and ability to stretch my finances would have been as important to me had I never had to worry about money? If I'd had a good salary and found my way onto the property ladder in the 80s and made a few shrewd moves, could I now be in a huge house somewhere with a fancy postcode?  Would I be into designer labels instead of wearing high street and supermarket brands?  Would my values be different?  

Everything I have done as an adult has been done primarily as a parent.  I barely had a chance to get to know myself as an individual, before I became a mother, so I truly do not know who I may have become had my life taken a different path.  Would I have had a great career and earned lots of money, travelled the world and embarked on a romantic love affair with the man who would ultimately father my children?  I simply don't know. And if I'm completely honest, I don't really care!  You see, I have an amazing family who I live for. I have a husband that I adore, who stepped up to the mark when I needed him and has never let me or our children down.  I am never bored with my brood aged between 2 and 24, there is always something going on and their needs are so different it is a non-stop and immensely rewarding job parenting them all.  I find huge comfort knowing that the older kids will always be there to support the younger ones through all the stages of their lives.  I may not have planned this life, but I wouldn't swap it. 

I may not know who I might have become, but I know for a fact that my kids have made me who I am now...and I'm pretty proud to be that woman!

Pregnancy Patter - 26 Weeks...The Christmas Edition

Firstly MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope you all had an amazing time full of love and laughter.

Yes, I know, I'm 2 days late. I did wish everyone a Merry Christmas on Facebook and Twitter and I had plans to write a post but time (and illness) didn't allow.

Secondly, dear readers, an apology.

2 weeks ago I promised you a bump picture in this update and I've failed. I have a good excuse though - I've been poorly again this last week. I went downhill fast, managed to get through Christmas Day and then crashed into a bed-ridden state yesterday. Matt has been really ill too so it hasn't been a totally great Christmas in our house, sadly. I've actually got up out of bed today but still not feeling great. We were supposed to go to Nottingham to visit the inlaws Boxing Day but so far, we haven't made it. We are hoping to go tomorrow.

Mini Cheddar has been so well behaved. She has a cold but has been feeling okay despite having to have her nose wiped every second of the day. We felt so bad for her yesterday as she was just left to her own devices whilst Matt and I did relay sleeping as we both felt terrible.

Still, on the positive side, at least (hopefully) all our illnesses will be gone in time for the holiday next week.

Back to the pregnancy...I'm still suffering with heartburn but oddly I haven't had it as bad as I would have expected after overloading on meat, brussell sprouts, cheese and cake etc. Baby is still partying hard inside - making me wince sometimes it's so uncomfortable.

I have a midwife appointment first thing tomorrow morning just to check everything is okay before we go away. I'm hoping to find out which way the baby is as I'm convinced this one is breech again like MC.

Matt and I are starting to panic a bit about space in the house. Christmas has brought an influx of toys and games to the house - far too many. Come April we will have a baby and I dread to think how much stuff next Christmas. When we return from Florida we are going to have to do some serious sorting out. At least the nursery is decorated and so is MC's new bedroom so that's a weight off our minds.

Yes I'm still in two minds over the whole VBAC v's elective caesarean section but I've promised myself I'm going to forget about it for the next few weeks and just enjoy the break away.

So sorry about the rubbish update but I'm hoping this picture will make up for it. This is MC taken Christmas morning with one of her presents over her PJ's. This is what has kept me going through feeling rubbish...

p.s. Whilst I'm away in January I have 7 great bloggers lined up with some fab guest posts for your reading pleasure. Really looking forward to show-casing some of my blogging friends to you...more news on that next week and I promise a bump picture next time *hangs head*

Pregnancy Patter - 22 Weeks And The Big VBAC Debate

I can't believe it's almost 2 weeks since my 20 week scan. I'm 22 weeks tomorrow - eek.

2 weeks of knowing the sex of our baby, it's a strange feeling...one I'm still not really used to. Part of me wishes that I didn't know as some of the excitement has gone now. Matt wanted to know (and I didn't) so I'll blame him happily. Still, at least it gives me something to focus on and the opportunity to look at proper themes for the nursery rather than just going neutral like we did last time.

In my last update I told you that I was ill with a sore throat and headache and that Mini Cheddar had been suffering badly with an awful cold and cough. Well, that transferred to me and I've spent a good amount of time in bed over these past couple of weeks feeling truly horrible (hence the lack of blog activity). I still have an awful cough now. Just as I was starting to recover at the end of last week I was hit with a stomach bug (or I ate something that didn't agree with me) and spent another day and a half in bed - and on the loo!

I'm hoping that after 3 weeks of illness I'm finally bug free and can look forward to Christmas - and our yearly December mini holiday up to Edinburgh in a couple of weeks. I'm also hoping to catch up on everyones blogs again!

So, on to other things...

As most of you know I had to have an elective section due to Mini Cheddar being well and truly stuck in the breech position.

The thing is, I'd planned a natural water birth so when I was told this news I was completely crushed. My NCT course covering natural birth (with a brief 10 minute section on caesarean birth) seemed pretty pointless at the time. I spent a good couple of weeks in tears and took to a baby forum where, with help from others in the same situation, I got through it and accepted I was having a c-section.

I turned it into a positive in the end and, as it happened, I had an amazing birth. The caesarean was a lovely experience and one I will cherish.

Shortly after the birth of Mini Cheddar
(eyes and nose puffy from blubbing)

So, now I'm pregnant again and over half way through. I saw my consultant a couple of weeks ago and she gave me a leaflet on having a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). They are recommending I try for a VBAC as I have no real medical reason to request a caesarean but I can push for one if I wish.

The thing is, after being so totally crushed at not being able to go through a natural birth process last time, I always thought I would jump at the chance for a VBAC. But now, faced with the decision I find myself wondering if I really want to try for one. My head is filled with so many questions...

1. What if my scar ruptures?
2. What if I can't get through the natural birth and end up having an emergency caesarean?
3. What if something awful happens?
4. What if, what if, what if?

I know it's just me being silly and worrying but I know so many women who have gone through natural labour only to end up having an emergency caesarean. I don't think I could cope with that after having such a positive first birth experience. The thought of everything spiralling out of control makes me very nervous.

However, it may not come to that...everything could be fine.

If I choose an elective section the thought of having to spend 2 nights in hospital away from Matt and Mini Cheddar after afterwards also fills me with dread. The thought of not being able to pick MC up or do much around the house etc. is not something I would want either.

However, when I had my first caesarean, as it was elective, I had a great recovery. I was driving 2 weeks afterwards and healed really quickly.

I have been told if I go for a VBAC then they will only allow me to go a week overdue and if there are no signs of labour they will go ahead with a caesarean anyway so part of me is thinking I should just go ahead with a section and save all the faffing!

Oh decisions, decisions.

I'm seeing my consultant 21st February 2012 so I have until then to decide. I'm trying not to think about it until after Christmas but it's not going to be easy.