Guest Post...You And Me Are Family - When Will Two Become Three?

Next up on my blog is someone I've been 'friends' with on Instagram for a while now. The lovely Claire blogs at You And Me Are Family and she started her blog after previously blogging about planning her wedding in Spain. 

Her blog is a mix of craft, cooking, musings and, more importantly, her and her new husbands journey trying to conceive their first child.

This is a lovely and very honest post about her feelings...


When Will Two Become Three?

Hi everyone, my name is Claire and I blog over at youandmearefamily. I am really excited to be guest posting for Heather while she is away having so much fun with Mickey and Minnie. Thanks Heather for having me!

My blog in my head was meant to be a little bit of everything and I am hoping that it has stayed that way, but recently I have been blogging a little about something really close to my heart at the moment and I would love to share it with you.

My blog has been very theraputic for me recently, I decided to take the plunge and blog a little about a subject that doesn't seem to get talked about often, trying to conceive. I was scared of putting it out there, of telling people of our journey - I don't know how better to describe it, I suppose some of the words you could go with could be trek, adventure, roller coaster or ramble through life, take your pick of any words that can describe, highs, lows, positives, stresses and our love for one another and you will have managed to sum it up.

I have had to learn a whole new language, who knew that getting pregnant had some many special words for things. I've found a whole new world and found some great support and friends along the way.

It's not been easy though and we are still not there yet. It has been nearly a year now of actively trying, a lot of longer of just not playing it safe and yet our dream has not come true yet. It hasn't been helped by me turning 35 this year and if you read the books, this seems to be the time when you suddenly become less fertile. So you go through all the worries, you know that little voice we all have in our heads, yes that's the one, Mr Negative, the one that creeps up on you when you are least expecting it and trying your best to be positive and whispers a little thing in your head that makes you drop all positive thoughts and only focus on the negatives. I have met Mr Negative so often over this journey, he sneaks in every once in a while but I'm pleased to say most of the time I beat him, but boy it's hard.

I always thought that falling pregnant was easy, well at least that's what they always told me at school, but once you look into it it's actually quite hard. On average most couples have a 1-6 chance of conceiving each month, this does increase with time and it's estimated that within a year 84% of couples will be pregnant and 92% within 2 years (Pregnancy figures) which is good news for us as we come up close to a year of trying I'm hoping that we will soon be falling into the 84% group of people.

At the minute we are going through some fertility testing, just to rule things out and help us both worry less that there is something wrong, hopefully we will be able to relax a little in the knowledge that we will soon be joining the ranks of parenthood. In the meantime, I love following parent blogs, they really help me to believe that one day we will get there.

If you know someone who has shared they are going through difficulties in trying to conceive with you can I please ask you one thing? Don't tell them to relax, to not think about it, simply just listen to them, it's a harder journey than anyone can imagine, I'm sure some of you lovely readers have been there and know only two well. I just wish we felt able to talk about it more with each other, I for one am happy I have shared it and hope by doing so it helps others even just a little not to feel alone.

Claire x


You can find Claire here:
http://youandmearefamily.com
https://twitter.com/manxclaire

Back To Work

Today is the day that most people return to work after the festive period.  I say ‘most’ people but I don’t fall under that category.  I’m a ‘stay at home mum’ (SAHM).  I never in a million years thought that when I had children I would give up work but I absolutely love it.

I think sometimes more career-minded people, in a rather pitying way that makes me mad, can look down on SAHM’s.  This usually happens when they don’t have children themselves.  Maybe they think we sit around all day drinking coffee and watching daytime television.  Fact of the matter is I don’t.  Yes I go on twitter (and now this blog aha!) but it’s done quickly on my phone and usually when I’m waiting for something like the toaster or the microwave or I'm fed up playing with Mega Bloks ;-)

My working friends quite regularly ask me if I ‘miss’ work.  I never quite know how to answer that.  I wouldn’t say I miss work.  I certainly don’t miss the 124 miles of driving every day.  I don’t miss getting mad in the car at the idiots who don’t use the lanes on the motorway in the correct way.  I don’t miss the Bank Holiday traffic and me getting angry at all the caravan owners sat in the middle lanes or trying to over-take trucks and clogging up my journey home.  I don’t miss having disagreements with ‘creative’ bods who haven’t listened to me or read my brief correctly and me running around like an idiot trying to get something else done to present at a meeting.  I do however miss my income.  At the end of the day that’s what the vast majority of people work for no matter how much they say they ‘love’ their jobs.  

I don’t have any desire to return to work in the near future.  I left school at 16 and had plans to go to college but I landed myself a job.  I was on £35 a week and I loved it.  I worked my way up through the company, moving divisions and eventually achieved a manager role within marketing.  As the first signs of the recession started to hit about 4 years ago I was made redundant.  It hit me hard as the company was like my family; I’d grown up with it.  I was lucky enough to be offered a job elsewhere straight away and lucky for me I loved it.  Problem was it was 62 miles away from home and I also had to spend time driving up to Cumbria and down to Oxford.  Fortunately the pay was good and they paid business AND personal on my company car.  Happy days!  Fast-forward 2 years and I’m leaving to have a baby…eek!

At that point I was hit with a decision.  As it was I started my maternity leave early.  I left Christmas Eve when my baby wasn’t due until 16^th March!  It was mainly my husbands decision as he didn’t want me doing all the driving in the final trimester.  I was happy as it gave me time to prepare for having a baby.  I think Matt and I both just knew I wouldn’t be going back to work.  We’ve had to make some sacrifices but that’s what having children is all about.   We’ve never led overly extravagant lifestyles but we have been known to splurge from time-to-time – well now we certainly live a more frugal lifestyle.  We’ve had to adapt to this change in our life.  I have to say though that sometimes I do struggle not having my own income.  I’ve always had a wage.  For almost 20 years I worked and bought things for myself - I even bought my first car myself at the age of 18 when most of my friends were getting them as presents. 

Anyway, I digress.  Sorry.  I can see me amending this blog post a few times after publishing it!  I’m really happy being a SAHM.  I love spending time with my daughter and thankfully I still have contact with adults.  I meet regularly with my groups of friends, most without children or children who are 17+ so I get to have conversations other than potty training and tantrums.  I also have a few great friends with children of the same age as my daughter.   I honestly don’t think I’d have the time to work and do all the things I want to do. 

I’m not saying I’ll be a SAHM forever, but for now I think I deserve some time off for good behaviour.  Until then I’m savouring each day with my daughter and secretly dreading the day I have to go back to work.




Photographer: luigi diamanti