Exactly A Year Ago...

Exactly a year ago I had a bump.

Exactly a year ago I was 4 months pregnant.


Exactly a year ago I had a 2.5 year old full of life and questions.

Exactly a year ago I was a Mummy to one with another on the way.


Exactly a year ago I was without Matt who was away on business.

Exactly a year ago I was missing him and hormonal.


Exactly a year ago I awoke like it was just another day.

Exactly a year ago I realised the day would be with me forever.


Exactly a year ago I went through so many tissues.

Exactly a year ago I couldn't stop crying for a couple of weeks.


Exactly a year ago I walked into the veterinary surgery with my dog.

Exactly a year ago I walked out of the veterinary surgery without my dog.


Exactly a year ago I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life.

Exactly a year ago I had to have my dog put to sleep.


Exactly a year ago I missed Betty like crazy.

A year on. I still miss her.

Betty Dogface enjoying Bamburgh Beach

NOTE: I just wanted to mark the year anniversary of us losing Betty on my blog as she was a big part of my life. It's not something I will do every year but it was such a tough time being pregnant. Thanks again to all those who supported me last year.

Silent Sunday #38

Inspired by

My Dog Is Dead

I didn't know what to title this post. I couldn't come up with the right words. I thought of emotional titles, I thought of heartwarming titles. The thing is, the fact remains.

Bamburgh Beach - 2007

My dog is dead.

Sounds brutal but it's the truth and at the moment I feel so numb it's untrue.

I thought I was prepared for this moment. I'd talked about 'this day' coming and I knew at almost 16 years of age she didn't have long with us but it's hit me badly.

If she'd just died in her sleep of old age I may have been able to handle it better but yesterday morning I was faced with that awful decision in the veterinary surgery - the decision that every pet owner dreads.

I had to put my dog to sleep.

It didn't help that my husband was away down in London and my parents were on holiday - plus I'm pregnant! I felt so alone.

I had to take Mini Cheddar with me as I had no-one to look after her. It didn't help that she was being very 'difficult' so I was trying to talk to the vet between my sobs whilst MC is running around the surgery having removed her wellies!

I know there will be people reading this who are thinking "it's just a dog, get over it". If that's you then please don't comment, I really don't want to hear it.

Sleeping - 2008

Betty was more than a dog, she was a massive part of my life for so long and, even though she was old and didn't run about as much as she used to, the house feels so empty without her.

She was such a loving little dog to those who really knew her. She could be a nasty piece of work when she was younger and she never got on with other dogs, she would regularly see off even the biggest of dogs if they got too close for comfort.

I feel sad that I haven't been able to give her the attention she has needed in these last couple of years of her life. I blogged about Betty at the beginning of the year when I realised how old she was getting. Her quality of life these past 6 months or so had gone downhill fast, she had cataracts and could hardly hear and what finally got her was an infection in her back legs. She was too old to undergo anaesthetic and the pain and lengthy treatment without it was something I couldn't have put her through.

"What would you do?" I asked the vet.

I knew her answer before she even spoke.

Meeting Mini Cheddar - 2009

So at 9.45am yesterday Betty was put to sleep. The thing that upsets me most is that I couldn't be there when she went because of MC. I had to wait in the echoey waiting room and just listen as I heard them shave her leg in preparation for the injection.

I was awake at 5am this morning crying. I'm wracked with guilt about my decision. I know it was for the best but I can't help it, it's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.

MC said to me this morning "I miss Betty" (we've told her she's gone on a long holiday and won't be coming back).

"I miss her too, sweetie" I say "I miss her too".

I'll Never Eat A Dried Strawberry Ever Again

My blog became slightly legendary (ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a lot there but it did develop a bit of a reaction at the time) a while back because of a couple of poo blog posts. If you're feeling a bit strange, a bit sick or fancy a giggle and haven't read them then please feel...you can find them here:

What's On The Specials Menu Today Then?
Revenge Is Sweet

Well, it seems that more poo hilarity has ensued in the Lucas household today.

I honestly thought Mini Cheddar would be a doddle to potty train. For a two and a half year old, her speech is fantastic. I'm not just saying that because I'm her Mummy - everyone we meet can't believe how well she speaks for her age.  She fully understands that the potty or toilet is where we do our 'wee wees and poo poos' and she knows when she's going etc.

See how I thought it would be easy. Well, how naive was I?

When I started to introduce it to her the other month she did great. In fact, by her second day she even asked for the potty, waited for me to get her on it and did a wee straight away.

I don't know what happened but she's regressed totally. Maybe it's because she's started play school (although she does go to the toilet at play school!) or maybe it's because she now knows I'm expecting another baby.  Who knows?  I can tell she needs to go so I get the potty or get her to the toilet and she goes mad. She will scream the place down and say she doesn't need to go. Then a minute later she's wet herself.

To say I was totally at the end of my tether the other day is an understatement. Let's just say, out of sight of MC I sobbed my heart out with pure frustration. Yes, it was that bad.

Mmmm strawberry poo

So, trying not to be defeated, I turned to my old friend Google. I found an article that said I should try and introduce a doll and get the doll to 'go potty'. I actually bought one of those dolls that drinks and will wee (lovely). It even came with it's own potty.

It all started so well. MC fed the doll, the doll went to the potty and we celebrated with a tea party - we blew up balloons and ate some sweeties.

Then MC said the dolly needed a poo. Wanting to be as realistic as possible I grabbed a few dried strawberries (I'll never eat another one ever again!) from the cupboard and when MC wasn't looking I put them in the potty under the doll.

MC was delighted when she checked if dolly had 'been'.

She wasn't so delighted when our dog, Betty, came into the lounge and ate the fake poo.

Strange Case Of Dr Mini And Mr Cheddar

I've always been thankful I've been blessed with a lovely, well-behaved toddler. Mini Cheddar is a delight to take out anywhere - especially restaurants and cafes (clearly shares her mummy's love of food) - hasn't had a public tantrum and is genuinely a thoughtful child even at such a tender age.

As from last Thursday evening I'm retracting that statement.

I don't know if it was the fact she'd had a trial at play school in the morning and then crashed out on the sofa in the afternoon but it was as if someone had fed her a bag of pure sugar, whispered nothing but evil thoughts into her delicate ears and told her in true Gladiator style "At my signal, unleash hell".

She wouldn't listen to me, she just laughed when I was stern, she screamed and shrieked at everything, she slammed doors, she kicked the dog and she even hit me!  For a moment I thought Regan MacNeil was in the house.

She's never behaved like this, I was mortified.

Her sleep patterns seem to be changing and last week has seen her pretty much ditch her afternoon nap in favour of 'quiet time'.

She turned 2 in March so maybe it's the 'terrible two's' finally rearing their ugly head and my gorgeously calm little girl is turning into a little monster. I guess I can count myself as lucky that I've escaped it until now.

I'm hoping it's a one-off but I very much doubt it.

As I sat and watched her playing this afternoon I was wondering what was going on inside her adorable little head.  Wondering if she's just ticking away quietly waiting to explode like an atomic bomb of pure naughtiness again.  It's the only way I can describe her outburst last week.

I'm wishing they had meetings for troubled toddlers, like AA meetings, only the kiddos stand up in the circle and babble "My name is Mini Cheddar and it's been 4 days since my last tantrum".  Obviously there would be milk and cookies afterwards.

Whatever it was that fuelled her outburst I'm hoping she remains in her Mini 'Jekyll' Cheddar state for as long as possible because I'm not sure I can cope with Hyde right now.

The Gallery - My Blog

That Tara is a pesky lady.  She tries to stump us last week with the 'Tomorrow' theme and promises us an easier week this week.  What does she do?  She goes and picks the hardest theme yet *shakes fist at Tara*  I will NOT be beaten...WILL NOT I tell you! 

So....'My blog'.

I had no idea when I started blogging at the beginning of the year where it would take me. I didn't realise there was a whole world of 'mummy bloggers' out there and just kind of stumbled across British Mummy Bloggers (aka Brit Mums) when I saw the badge on another blog - I joined up and hey presto, I was thrust head first into the lovely world of blogging.

Two weeks after my first ever blog post I discovered Jay's Silent Sunday and indeed The Gallery.  My passion for photography lead me to not miss a week of these link-ups yet!

So this is the photo which I think sums up my blog:

My daughter, Mini Cheddar, is the main focus of my blog.  I started my blog because I wanted somewhere to document my journey as a stay at home mum with her - for her.  Like an online diary. I never expected anyone to read it but it's rather lovely that it does get readership and I've made some fabulous new blogging friends.

As I've already mentioned, I have a mild passion for photography which sees me owning 3 cameras plus my iPhone camera (I took this photo with my iPhone).  There's my trusty Nikon DSLR, my Canon 'point and shoot' and my Diana which Mini Cheddar is kindly modeling.  Taking part in Silent Sunday and The Gallery is now part of my weekly routine.

My blog is also about me but I decided not to appear in the photo because a) I look like crap at the moment and b) It would involve me having to get my photographically challenged husband to take the photo.

Oh and some of you may have noticed the stuffed toy dog in the nappy.  That's because I couldn't mention my blog without mentioning that post now could I?

Now head on over and check out all the other entries...

Revenge Is Sweet

Please don't read this post if you're eating, have just eaten or are about to eat.  Or you can't think about poop!  Although why you'd even be anywhere near a 'Mummy blog' and not be prepared to read about poop is beyond me.

Yes my daughter is still in nappies but thankfully the days of the squirty baby 'korma' poo are over.  Her poos are normal now and every day since that stage passed once she was weaned onto solids I have been grateful.

No more disastrous poo related incidents in the pub at the Sunday carvery with my husband using a specials menu to stop poo dripping onto the floor - true story *shudders with the very thought of the embarrassment*  Maybe I'll blog about that at a later date.

So, any mum will tell you that things rarely go to plan when you're about to embark on a night out with friends.  What's one of them I hear some of you cry?  I know, sometimes nights out can be like rocking horse poop.  Well, I was going out early doors with my best friend the other week and all was going well until I let the dog out.

My husband and I were sat in the lounge playing with my daughter who had just been fed.  I looked out of the patio window to see the dog doing that crouched over shaking thing.  Yes, she was 'shaking like a shitting dog' as the saying goes.

But something wasn't quite right.  I realised she was having a pootastrophe as I now call it.

Our dog, Betty, is 15 and suffering with doggie dementia, bless her.  She appeared to be struggling with a rather large turd that wasn't evacuating as it would normally do.

I ran out to the garden armed with a pair of rubber gloves and some tissue paper.  I get all the glamorous jobs don't I?

I must have frightened the poor pooch because, as I went to grab her, she decided to flip out causing the poo to fly everywhere across her rear-end and stick in her bum fur and then the worst happened...

She sat down on the patio.

It was like a poo massacre!

I was gagging loudly which only caused her to get more stressed out.

What did I do?

I made my husband make up for the last 6 weeks of me waiting on him hand and foot whilst he nursed his broken ankle and I made him clean that crap up!

Watching him hobbling about in the back garden trying to de-turd the dog with a bucket of warm soapy water and a pair of marigolds more than made up for it.

He can still buy me an iPad though.

Flashback Friday - Me, Tina and the beloved Vauxhall

Well, as I'm useless I've only just discovered the lovely Karin has started a new blog hop of 'golden oldie' photos.  I absolutely adore looking at old photos so I'm really looking forward to this one!

This is little old me outside our old house in a village called Mynydd Isa.  It was probably taken in about 1977-1978 I reckon as we moved from this house in 1979 when I was almost 5.  That's not a stuffed toy, that's the family dog - a toy poodle called Tina who I used to wind up something rotten...poor pooch.

Star of the show though (and probably the reason my Dad took this photo) is the trusty old Vauxhall Cresta in the background.  My Mum & Dad actually met at Vauxhalls in Luton, Bedfordshire so they have ALWAYS had Vauxhall cars.  Even now my Dad drives an Omega and my Mum drives a Corsa. Sad.

Why not air your photo memories and link up with Karin?