Today My Kids Broke Me

I know friends are going through heartbreaking or tough times and I hate myself for moaning but today my kids broke me.

Those of you who read my blog a couple of weeks ago will know we have been struggling with MC not wanting to go to school.

Well, despite her being ill all over the half-term she went back to school fine on Monday. I was expecting tears but none came as she happily kissed me goodbye at the gate. I was worried about Tuesday as I had to take TC on the school run with us but again she surprised me by happily skipping into school (encouraged by the fact she knew she was 'Helpwr Heddiw' - that means she was going to be the 'Helper Today' for those don't speak Welsh).

She was leading me into a false sense of security.

Today she had her biggest 'I don't want to go to school' meltdown so far. Even bigger than the last time.

It wasn't helped by the fact I'm not feeling well at the moment.

But what makes it worse is that it was in public.

Outside the school in fact.

We were already late. It didn't help.

We had to park far away from the school. I could've just pulled it up on the pavement or at a junction near the school like a lot of the inconsiderate people who are too lazy/busy to walk a bit other parents but I didn't.

TC wasn't for walking fast. I was constantly asking him to hurry up and stop staring longingly at trucks and buses as they passed. I felt like a horrible mother.

We crossed over the road to the school and that's when it all started.

"I don't want to go to school, Mummy!" my daughter cried.

"You have to, sweetheart".

"But I don't want to! I want to stay home with you and my brother!".

That's when the tears started.

"We are going to be late and you'll go into the late book" I said. It was probably the wrong thing to say but I was conscious it was 8.37am. Exactly 3 more minutes and the doors to her class would shut and we'd have to make the walk of shame to reception to sign in late.

That's when the screaming started.

"DON'T MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL!"

Wave after wave of sobbing followed by various other remarks about her lack of love for school.

All whilst trying to fight my way through the vast tide of parents walking towards us after already dropping their little darlings off.

By this time I was practically dragging both children towards the gate.

I really felt like the worst mother ever.

Other parents wondering what on earth was wrong with my child that she hated school so much she was sobbing uncontrollably.

TC had decided he wanted to chase a truck he'd seen, I had to drag him through the school gate and eventually he opted for a sit down crying protest in the school playground.

I tried to walk MC towards the door of school.

She was still sobbing.

One of the teachers saw me struggling and came out and helped.

Some gentle persuasion and distraction and MC was quickly taken inside without a kiss or hug from me. I was left standing alone in the playground staring at TC who was still sitting crying.

I scooped him up and slowly made my way back to the car (after a quick diversion to go and look at a digger across the road).

Then I cried.

I pulled myself together eventually and rang my Sister and then rang Matt. Matt went away on Monday and won't be back until tomorrow night. I hate him being away so much.

Part of me wanted to go home and open a bottle of wine have a cup of tea but I drove over to Ikea in Warrington. TC and I ate a late breakfast and then I had some stuff to collect.

It was all going well and I was starting to feel better when some bright spark at Ikea thought it was a good idea to display a train track on a play table.

Could I get TC away from it?

I don't think I need to answer that.

The boy is obsessed with trains, cars, buses, helicopters - any transport in fact - and there was no moving him. I left him to play for a while until I decided it was time to go.

He wouldn't budge.

I tried reasoning with him (not easy with a 23 month old).

I even tried distracting him with a football (his other love).

Nothing was working.

There was nothing left to do but go get him.

That was when the whole of Ikea heard him!

The meltdown was epic.

It wasn't just an average tantrum though. He swiped my face. He grabbed my hair and wouldn't let go. A guy from the warehouse came to my aid as I was wrestling him and trying to retain some dignity (not an easy task). The guy tried to distract him but to no avail. Eventually the two of us got TC in the trolley and I thanked him and quickly moved away from the hoards of people I thought must be judging me.

A middle-aged woman touched my arm and smiled at me "We've all been there dear" she said.

That's when I felt myself going.

I smiled back, mumbled something nice to her and I went into a corner behind some boxes.

Then I cried.

Again.

I pulled myself together (again) and continued my shopping hell experience through Ikea, heart pounding.

At the checkouts a few people where staring at me. I thought they must have seen me and the 'toddler battle' earlier.

Once I'd bent TC into the car seat - when I say 'bent' I mean got him to bend as he likes to scream and turn himself into a plank as he hates getting in the car - he went straight to sleep before I'd even started the car.

I glanced at myself in the mirror.

TC had drawn blood where he'd swiped me and I had walked around Ikea with a huge blob of dried blood on my face.

So THAT'S what the people at the checkout were looking at me for.

I drove home in a daze. Feeling like the worst mum ever (again).

Thoughts of MC and her school protest weighing heavily on my mind.

At 3.10pm I picked her up. TC had wanted to take his Micro Scooter and so I took MC's too. After school we went to the park. We went on the swings and we also ran around pretending to be monsters. Happy times.

It was lovely to just have simple fun with them both.

I started to feel the badness of the day dispel a little.

Because TC had an early sleep today he was really tired this evening. Getting him ready for bed was an awful battle. He didn't want me to change his nappy and started kicking me wildly.

I tried to distract him with toys in his room but he wouldn't have any of it.

He started kicking harder.

"Stop kicking Mummy" I said calmly over and over again.

I was close to tears through sheer exhaustion when MC came into the room with a small bell she had found.

"Look TC! Look at this! You can have it and jangle it" she said passing it to him.

He took it happily and the kicking stopped.

Then she turned to me and said "I didn't want TC to upset you Mummy so thought I'd come and save you".

After I'd changed TC he stood up and kissed me.

Yes my kids broke me today.

But they also fixed me too.

Butter wouldn't melt

Move Over Linda Blair

This evening I lost my sweet little girl for a while.

Sure, she's had the odd tantrum before (thankfully they are mild and few and far between) but tonight's performance was spectacular. If there was an Olympic medal for tantrums she would have won gold 100 times over.

Matt and I seriously thought that she was possessed at one point. I was totally waiting for her head to spin 360 degrees like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Yes, it was that bad.

So, what sparked this defiant outburst?

She didn't want to wear her pink shoes.

Obviously.

Yes, she went into total melt down because she wouldn't wear her pink shoes. Madam had decided that because her outfit didn't have any pink in it that she couldn't wear her pink shoes. I don't think Gok Wan himself could've convinced the forceful fashionista to be persuaded otherwise.

There was screaming.
There was crying.
There was dribbling.
There was kicking.
There was hitting.
There was feet stamping.
There was spitting.
There was shoe throwing.

I've never seen anything like it from her before.

The full force of it probably lasted a good half an hour. She even needed a wee half way through, took herself to the toilet and continued the tantrum whilst sat on the throne. Her knickers were thrown across the downstairs toilet as she kicked and screamed in a voice that I imagine the devil himself would be proud of.

So, what did I do?

I did what every good Mummy should do of course.

I secretly videoed her*

Hey, don't judge me...I need some good fodder for her 18th Birthday.

Let's hope we don't see Linda again soon

* I did consider blogging the video but I'm really not that cruel. If you want a copy, drop me an email ;-)

The Gallery - World Photography Day

I had grand plans for this weeks Gallery. Tara wanted us all to make sure we dug out our cameras to capture a moment from Friday (or the weekend) to mark World Photography Day.

Great I thought!

A perfect excuse to dust off my DSLR and take a photo with my camera remote control of Mini Cheddar and I doing what we do best - having fun together. More often than not, I'm the one behind the camera so very rarely do we get any photos of the two of us. I think the last half decent one of us was taken in March 2010 and resides on my About Me page.

I was excited! I even put her cute little camera t-shirt on to mark the occasion.

However, she had other plans.

She didn't want the camera set up, not even the remote control could get her interested. She had a strop, she got upset, she got all snotty and she dribbled. A lot.

So this is my entry this week. A moody toddler captured forever to mark a great day in photography. Shame on you Mini Cheddar.

Now head on over and check out all the other entries...

Strange Case Of Dr Mini And Mr Cheddar

I've always been thankful I've been blessed with a lovely, well-behaved toddler. Mini Cheddar is a delight to take out anywhere - especially restaurants and cafes (clearly shares her mummy's love of food) - hasn't had a public tantrum and is genuinely a thoughtful child even at such a tender age.

As from last Thursday evening I'm retracting that statement.

I don't know if it was the fact she'd had a trial at play school in the morning and then crashed out on the sofa in the afternoon but it was as if someone had fed her a bag of pure sugar, whispered nothing but evil thoughts into her delicate ears and told her in true Gladiator style "At my signal, unleash hell".

She wouldn't listen to me, she just laughed when I was stern, she screamed and shrieked at everything, she slammed doors, she kicked the dog and she even hit me!  For a moment I thought Regan MacNeil was in the house.

She's never behaved like this, I was mortified.

Her sleep patterns seem to be changing and last week has seen her pretty much ditch her afternoon nap in favour of 'quiet time'.

She turned 2 in March so maybe it's the 'terrible two's' finally rearing their ugly head and my gorgeously calm little girl is turning into a little monster. I guess I can count myself as lucky that I've escaped it until now.

I'm hoping it's a one-off but I very much doubt it.

As I sat and watched her playing this afternoon I was wondering what was going on inside her adorable little head.  Wondering if she's just ticking away quietly waiting to explode like an atomic bomb of pure naughtiness again.  It's the only way I can describe her outburst last week.

I'm wishing they had meetings for troubled toddlers, like AA meetings, only the kiddos stand up in the circle and babble "My name is Mini Cheddar and it's been 4 days since my last tantrum".  Obviously there would be milk and cookies afterwards.

Whatever it was that fuelled her outburst I'm hoping she remains in her Mini 'Jekyll' Cheddar state for as long as possible because I'm not sure I can cope with Hyde right now.

Mariah Carey has nothing on Mini Cheddar

Ah my beautiful daughter.  Butter wouldn't melt right?

Hmmm.

She's really found her voice and never stops talking at home.  Which is great in one way but not so great in another - she's using it to get what she wants.  Like Mariah Carey she's slowly becoming a class A diva!

When she was really poorly just after her 2nd birthday she needed lots of attention and love - obviously, goes without saying.  Then I became ill and she spent a couple of days just watching TV as I was too ill to interact with her.  We had about a weeks respite before she started with the worst cold she's ever had which she's still getting over. So it was lots of love and attention again.

Within the space of a few weeks she's learnt to manipulate my husband and I to get lots of attention. Boy, don't they learn quick?

The other night she even went so far as to say she was cold and started shivering in her cot and asking for cuddles.  Husband thought it was part of her cold/flu type symptoms and she ended up in our bed with us. Cue lots of kicks in the back and a toe up my nose in the middle of the night. We have a superking size bed but it doesn't stop her worming her way over to me in the middle of the night so I'm hanging off the edge. "Cut her some slack" I hear you cry, "She was feeling poorly right?"  Right? No, wrong!

The next morning she wanted to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on TV and I told her no.  Next thing she starts shivering and saying "Ooooh cold" and looking at me with the same puppy dog eyes she'd given my husband the night before.

To be honest, I was secretly proud of her skills - I'm thinking maybe she'll be the next Dame Judi Dench. It was certainly worthy of an Oscar I tell you!

So, looks like it's time to get tough.  It's just so hard.  Look at her...how can I resist?  No...Mummy MUST be strong.  It's foot down time and not let her wrap me around her little finger.

I've always heard people say how clever toddlers can be in getting what they want but I never realised to what extent.  You give them an inch and they will take a mile, it's so true.