Thursday, 7 April 2011

What's On The Specials Menu Today Then?

Always ready to squeeze one out
You really can't expect to read a mummy blog and not be presented with the obligatory 'poo post' can you?

I've already talked about poo on my blog - dog poo. You'd expect a 'mummy blog' to be talking about baby/toddler poo but no...until now.  By the way, if you fancy another giggle please do check out my 'Revenge Is Sweet' poo post.  It's a corker (even if I do say so myself), if somewhat gross.

No amount of NCT classes can prepare you for the amount of poo that will become part of your everyday life once you have a baby.  Sure, everyone jokes about it.  Everyone tells you about the amount of nappies and how many you'll get through and how much you'll become an expert in Bristol Stool Chart!  But you never truly know until you've experienced it first hand.

Entering the land of motherhood later in life (35), I felt a certain amount of pressure to be a 'natural'.  I thought people would be judging me because of my age and for the first couple of months I was a bit freaked out at certain obstacles I faced...the first car journey over 30 minutes with baby, the first meal out with baby, the first food shop with baby and so on.  I guess everyone goes through this as a new mother but I felt more pressure because of my age in some respects, like people would be judging me thinking I was a rubbish mother for my age.  Like they expected me to be some sort of earth mother or something.  Stupid really.

Anyway, as usual I'm digressing totally.

Mini Cheddar was born 11th March 2009 and at the beginning of May we were due to go for a meal with our NCT teacher and the other 'students' from the class.  It was a daunting prospect.  3 couples, 3 babies and one NCT teacher, in a lovely Cheshire pub on an unseasonably hot Sunday lunch time.  Thankfully I'd met up with the 2 other girls and their babies beforehand so the pressure had eased slightly as all 3 of us were breastfeeding.  I didn't want to be the only one sat in the pub with my boob out!

I put Mini Cheddar in a cute outfit, packed up the change bag and set out with my husband to meet everyone.

Mini Cheddar was a delight.  She was happy and smiling in her pram.  We ordered and the pub started to fill up.  I started to relax.

Then one of my NCT friends asked to hold her.  Now I'm not sure if it was the movement, the excitement or what but all of a sudden I was just aware of all this stuff dripping out of her nappy onto the floor. Imagine someone had poured about 2 pints of korma through her and you may get the idea.

I was in shock, I just sat there open-mouthed for a while, not knowing what to do.  My husband just grabbed the first thing he could which happened to be the specials menu and caught most of it. I was distraught.  Not only was my gorgeous daughter dripping everywhere but my husband was using the specials menu as some sort of poo catcher.

Mini Cheddar then started screaming blue murder, thus drawing attention to the pootastrophe that was developing. People were being served their roast beef and yorkshire pudding and I was grabbing Mini Cheddar trying to calm her as well as keep the poo escapism to a minimum.

My husband and I headed off quickly to the baby change room which happened to be right by where we had been sitting.  Good in one way but also humiliating as Mini Cheddar just wouldn't stop hollering.  By the time we'd changed her nappy and clothes, the meals had arrived.  I didn't feel like eating and Mini Cheddar was still bawling so my husband and I took it in turns to bounce her up and down to comfort her whilst the other one picked at their meal still reeling from the korma calamity.

I felt like a million eyes were on us when I know in reality they weren't (I hope). However, I couldn't wait to get out of that place.  I still don't know what happened to the specials menu.  I'm guessing one of my friends disposed of it.

I'm just thankful we opted for Sunday lunch and we hadn't arranged to meet on a Tuesday - Curry Night!

Posted for The Friday Club Carnival
Friday Club


alysonsblog said...

ewwww thanks for that very special memory Heather - thats defo one for the Father of the Bride speech for Matt in years to come

Lady Estrogen said...

Ewwww - lovely! LOL
Fingers crossed, we haven't had a public pootastrophe yet.

Bloggomy said...

That photo says it all! Fantastic! x

Mrs E said...

We are actually due to be getting indian takeaway tonight, this is true and no joke!!!! Perhaps we will go for chinese! lol ;)

Anonymous said...

Haha, my OH just asked me what I was laughing at. Great story, but humiliating, I totally agree. Thankfully we never had that happen, but Babyzoid has lways been renowned for the quantity of her poo. xX

Anonymous said...

hee hee hee pootastrophe. i love that. Poor mommy and poor mini cheddar. but i think the Specials Menu really made out the worst in this scenario. ;-)

MaƱana Mama said...

Hah, korma pootastrophe! Awesome poo post, I hope you are not still in therapy over this experience :)

ella said...

I loved this post Heather, and I love the phrase 'korma calamity', so descriptive!

make do mum said...

Ha ha, yes those early poo explosions do look like korma - I love that your husband tried to catch it! There have been a few occasions when I've thought about cutting my daughter's babygros off her when there is poo up her back to her neck :(

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks seems my poo posts are becoming legendary ;)

scattymumofboys said...

Oh no!!! That really was a Pootastrophe. At least Pooh Bear's was in the comfort of our own home :-D

HELEN said...

pootastrophe! I snorted at Matt grabbing the specials menu....only a man would!
Gotta love a good poo story...thanks for sharing!


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