Thursday, 17 March 2011

Revenge Is Sweet

Please don't read this post if you're eating, have just eaten or are about to eat.  Or you can't think about poop!  Although why you'd even be anywhere near a 'Mummy blog' and not be prepared to read about poop is beyond me.

Yes my daughter is still in nappies but thankfully the days of the squirty baby 'korma' poo are over.  Her poos are normal now and every day since that stage passed once she was weaned onto solids I have been grateful.

No more disastrous poo related incidents in the pub at the Sunday carvery with my husband using a specials menu to stop poo dripping onto the floor - true story *shudders with the very thought of the embarrassment*  Maybe I'll blog about that at a later date.

So, any mum will tell you that things rarely go to plan when you're about to embark on a night out with friends.  What's one of them I hear some of you cry?  I know, sometimes nights out can be like rocking horse poop.  Well, I was going out early doors with my best friend the other week and all was going well until I let the dog out.

My husband and I were sat in the lounge playing with my daughter who had just been fed.  I looked out of the patio window to see the dog doing that crouched over shaking thing.  Yes, she was 'shaking like a shitting dog' as the saying goes.

But something wasn't quite right.  I realised she was having a pootastrophe as I now call it.

Our dog, Betty, is 15 and suffering with doggie dementia, bless her.  She appeared to be struggling with a rather large turd that wasn't evacuating as it would normally do.

I ran out to the garden armed with a pair of rubber gloves and some tissue paper.  I get all the glamorous jobs don't I?

I must have frightened the poor pooch because, as I went to grab her, she decided to flip out causing the poo to fly everywhere across her rear-end and stick in her bum fur and then the worst happened...

She sat down on the patio.

It was like a poo massacre!

I was gagging loudly which only caused her to get more stressed out.

What did I do?

I made my husband make up for the last 6 weeks of me waiting on him hand and foot whilst he nursed his broken ankle and I made him clean that crap up!

Watching him hobbling about in the back garden trying to de-turd the dog with a bucket of warm soapy water and a pair of marigolds more than made up for it.

He can still buy me an iPad though.




16 comments:

Lady Estrogen said...

Totally you should still get the iPad. LOL.
And...
Gross! My entire life revolves around poo. I could have been eating a melting Oh Henry! bar whilst reading this and I still would have been OK. Hahahaa.

SAHMlovingit said...

Blimey Lady E, you're quick off the mark with your comment :)
I actually wrote this post last week. My daughter has had sickness and diarrhea this week so squirty poop is back on the agenda!

Liska said...

Brilliant, bloody brilliant! xx

Michelle Twin Mum said...

You are a mean, mean woman - just my kind of gal!

mich x

Not Blessed Mama said...

groooooooss! why does dog poo seem grosser than kid poo?

Beadzoid said...

Bwah ha ha!!! Revenge is best served out of a dog's arse!

Great mental images x

dreamingofbeer said...

Ah ha ha! I do love a bit of poo humour! Hope you enjoyed your night out all the more!

Lauren "Real Housewife" said...

ha ha ha! Your posts are amazing.
I actually think I might love you! x

Mom-on-a-Wire said...

Oh my, I have no words!

Liska said...

I like the solid poo too. Mentioned it earlier in here:
http://newmumonline.blogspot.com/2011/03/pre-review-and-bum-know-nothing.html

Sorry to hear you're back to splats again, and even more sorry to hear she's sick xxx

Inside the Wendy House said...

Hope Freya is feeling better now. Well done putting hubby on poo duty! hehe

Him Up North said...

Laughing like a drain reading this... Superb.

Jacq said...

Ah a dog poo story. I could tell you a few of those, and some cat poo stories and some bird ones. Oh and a snake vomit one, just for a change.
Dog poo is much worse than child poo if it's the runny liquid stuff :(

Kamika said...

Oh dear, as gross as this was it was flipping hilarious!!!!!! poor pup! Oh the pooo files, the things I have to look forward to as a new mommie

Kate said...

I'm sorry but 'shaking like a shitting dog' is a saying? No. You just made that up didn't you? Totally gross post - thank you for making me read it...I shall get you back one day you know.

Matt said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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