Silent Sunday #38

Inspired by

My Dog Is Dead

I didn't know what to title this post. I couldn't come up with the right words. I thought of emotional titles, I thought of heartwarming titles. The thing is, the fact remains.

Bamburgh Beach - 2007

My dog is dead.

Sounds brutal but it's the truth and at the moment I feel so numb it's untrue.

I thought I was prepared for this moment. I'd talked about 'this day' coming and I knew at almost 16 years of age she didn't have long with us but it's hit me badly.

If she'd just died in her sleep of old age I may have been able to handle it better but yesterday morning I was faced with that awful decision in the veterinary surgery - the decision that every pet owner dreads.

I had to put my dog to sleep.

It didn't help that my husband was away down in London and my parents were on holiday - plus I'm pregnant! I felt so alone.

I had to take Mini Cheddar with me as I had no-one to look after her. It didn't help that she was being very 'difficult' so I was trying to talk to the vet between my sobs whilst MC is running around the surgery having removed her wellies!

I know there will be people reading this who are thinking "it's just a dog, get over it". If that's you then please don't comment, I really don't want to hear it.

Sleeping - 2008

Betty was more than a dog, she was a massive part of my life for so long and, even though she was old and didn't run about as much as she used to, the house feels so empty without her.

She was such a loving little dog to those who really knew her. She could be a nasty piece of work when she was younger and she never got on with other dogs, she would regularly see off even the biggest of dogs if they got too close for comfort.

I feel sad that I haven't been able to give her the attention she has needed in these last couple of years of her life. I blogged about Betty at the beginning of the year when I realised how old she was getting. Her quality of life these past 6 months or so had gone downhill fast, she had cataracts and could hardly hear and what finally got her was an infection in her back legs. She was too old to undergo anaesthetic and the pain and lengthy treatment without it was something I couldn't have put her through.

"What would you do?" I asked the vet.

I knew her answer before she even spoke.

Meeting Mini Cheddar - 2009

So at 9.45am yesterday Betty was put to sleep. The thing that upsets me most is that I couldn't be there when she went because of MC. I had to wait in the echoey waiting room and just listen as I heard them shave her leg in preparation for the injection.

I was awake at 5am this morning crying. I'm wracked with guilt about my decision. I know it was for the best but I can't help it, it's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.

MC said to me this morning "I miss Betty" (we've told her she's gone on a long holiday and won't be coming back).

"I miss her too, sweetie" I say "I miss her too".

Flashback Friday - Plight Of The Poodles

Ever since I was just a twinkle my parents eyes they have owned poodles.

You know the ones, yes?  The fluffy canines that come in 3 different sizes, small, medium and large toy, miniature and standard.

Remember Roly in Eastenders?  Yup, that's them.

Mum and Dad owned toy poodles, the smallest of the breed.  First there was Tina who was bought before I was born.  When I was about 4 (I think) Mum and Dad bought Kizzy to keep Tina company.  Then, when Tina passed away and they realised Kizzy was lonely, they bought Toby.

All these dogs were a huge part of my life.  I even modelled my hair on them, clearly.

Many a school holiday was spent riding down to the local Spar shop with Kizzy (my favourite) in the front basket of my shopper bike (I was SO cool!), ears flapping in the breeze.  I would sit her on my Sindy beach buggy and she'd let me push her around the front room.  Basically, she kept me entertained.

One of my favourite pastimes was 'borrowing' my parents camera and taking snap shots of Kizzy in various set-ups.  Remember the days when you used to have to drop your 35mm film off at the local photographic shop and wait about half a year for your photos to be processed?  None of this instant digital malarky.

Well, Mum would get a shock when she opened her pack of photographs and saw these delights:

I put them in make-shift beds on the carpet
If ever I saw a dog trying to do a Playboy pose, this is it! 

I celebrated their birthdays in secret parties in my bedroom
Clearly I must have been old enough to play with matches (!)
The dogs are well overdue a haircut...
I think they put up with it because they couldn't actually see!

I even celebrated Christmas with them .
Ho ho ho

But this is the pièce de résistance and the one that made my Mum laugh the most...

I give you Kizzy the newsreader!

I actually rearranged the furniture in my bedroom to do this and check out the attention to detail.  The glasses, the signage, the paper, the plant (!) and Kizzy even has a heart framed photo of Marti Pellow on her desk....as all newsreaders do, obviously.

NOTE: No animals were harmed during the making of this post.

Now head over to Cafebebe and check out the other entries and why not join in yourself and air some photo archives?