"Better to keep your mouth shut and thought a fool than open it and remove the doubt"
It's a great saying but I wish it didn't hang over me so much, I wish I could shake it off. I'm certainly not a fool so why should I feel this way?
I think it's because there are a few people in life who can't help but dominate proceedings and only thrive when they are the centre of attention. They have the biggest voices and aren't afraid to use them. There are also the people who other people can be a bit fearful of most of the time. I'm one of those people, one who will just sit and say nothing but deep-down I'm wanting to be heard. When I used to work I would be sat in a brainstorming meeting thinking of all these great ideas but very rarely plucked up the courage to put them out there. Then someone else would eventually think of it, say it straight away and be called a hero. Meanwhile I'm sat kicking myself.
There are the people who talk a lot, make a lot of jokes at the expense of other people. They are usually the people who feel better about themselves by being horrible about others. Someone once said some really nasty things about friends of mine and I actually stood up to it. I told this person in private that it made me feel uncomfortable. What happened? They panicked (even though I said I would keep it quiet), decided to lie their way out of it and then brought it into a public forum. So me speaking up came back to bite me on the ass as this person was louder and powerful compared to little old me. What did I do? Nothing, I didn't fight back, I turned away.
In addition to this there are some people who just crave attention, they 'like to be liked'. Yes it's nice to be liked but sometimes it can be a bit too much, a bit over-the-top...well that's how it feels to me sometimes. Some people go out of their way to get their point across and you (well, me) can get pushed to one side. I often wonder if this is just something built into their personality or it's something that goes deeper, stems from a lack of confidence or they are lacking a certain part of their life constantly striving to get attention. Maybe it's me? Maybe I shouldn't be so shy, maybe I should try and shout louder and get heard more.
You also have the people who flit from friend to friend without hesitation. Like some sort of car deal they trade their old friend in for a newer model when something more exciting comes along and can't help but shout about it. I actually know someone like this, she has been through 5 'best friends' in 10 years. Someone new comes on the scene and she casts off her old friend like a slightly-worn but still stunning outfit that she's thrown in the charity bag.
I wish I could be more assertive on occasion. I certainly don't want to be the centre of attention but I'd like the confidence to be able to stand up and speak my mind sometimes. I wish I could stand up for myself more. I wish I could be heard. Saying that, even though I may not be loud and proud I am respectful and loyal.
I guess I'm just not built for attention. For now I'll live with the quote above hanging around me like a bad smell, I'll be thought a fool but at least I'm a happy fool.
Part of my A to Z posts
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Photo credit top right: FloatingLemons
