#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (September 2014)

September has been a busy month. 

Really busy.

It's been a month of birthdays, nights out, days out, meals out and general madness. I feel like I haven't even got time to break wind right now. I'm also on countdown as I'm turning 40 in less than 2 weeks! Eep! I'm going to be revamping the look of my blog to coincide with my birthday too and I have some very special photographs to share. I am really determined to find the time to blog properly again.

Anyway, back to this past past month...

Matt and I have weirdly become closer than I ever imagined over this past month. We've always been incredibly close - we share everything - but this, this closeness is amazing and something I wish I could bottle and sell to every single couple I know right now. We are so thankful for a lot of things too. We have two happy, healthy and beautiful children. We have amazing family and friends and our house move last June was the best move we have ever made. We love our new house and have made some fantastic new friends from our neighbours. We are off for a third trip to Walt Disney World with the children next year and my parents are joining us for part of it too. I could go on.

We've lived in this area together for over 10 years now (I've lived here all my life). We are a stones throw from beautiful countryside, amazing cities and lovely beaches. We have the perfect mix of what we need at this time of our lives. We are also very close to Chester Zoo.

Because of this we have a membership which means we can go along anytime we like. Sometimes we will just go for an hour so the children can visit some of their favourite animals and play on the play ark for a while. We love Chester Zoo and I've written about it before we had a membership. 

What makes it so special now is that we have been watching the new BBC drama 'Our Zoo' which is based on the true story of the Mottershead family who founded the zoo in the 1930's. The series documents their fight to make Chester Zoo work, despite huge opposition from the locals of the village of Upton.

It's fascinating watching the history of a place I love and have known all my life. I was born just down the road from Chester Zoo too so it makes it even more special.

The only bad thing (for us) is that, since the series has aired, Chester Zoo seems to be a lot busier than it used to be. This is a great thing for the animals and conservation work they do though and I'm so pleased the series is such a huge hit. Thankfully, even when it's busy it's still a superb day out. If you haven't been then you should make sure you manage to visit. I may see you there!

I've been to Chester Zoo a couple of times this month with TC and friends but we went there as a family on Matt's birthday weekend. It was perfect weather - not too hot or cold - and there were plenty of animals to see and fun to be had. MC wanted to go on the monorail as she'd never been on it before. I decided that this was to be the setting of our family photo for this month.

Matt decided to yawn on the first take.

Then TC shut his eyes on the second.

But I didn't bother taking a third photo as both of these were enough. They show us as happy and together and that, for me, is the perfect photo.

This post is not a sponsored post

I wasn't asked to promote Chester Zoo or Our Zoo -

I just love them both

"What Do You Do?"

It's a question the rears it's ugly head once in a while.

It's a question that I sometimes answer with a passion. Ready for a fight that never comes.

It's a question that I sometimes answer with weakness and dread. Then I kick myself for not being proud and not fighting my corner when that question I dread is asked of me.

"What do you do?"

Such a simple question.

It should be a simple answer.

"I'm a stay at home mum" comes my reply.

It's either met with enthusiasm or jealousy...

"Oooh how fabulous!"

"You're so lucky! I wish I could afford to stay at home with the kids - they are only little for such a short time"

...Or it's met with misunderstanding or ignorance.

It happened to me again the other month.

An older brother of an ex-boyfriend I hadn't seen in years.

"So what are you doing now?" he said eagerly.

"I'm a stay at home mum".

"Ooooooh" he laughed "A lady of leisure!"

"Ha, yeah" came my feeble response as I wasn't prepared for a fight…but then I never am. "I wish!" I added on the end and then quickly changed the subject.

I'd like to think I would be ready to stand up for myself but I never am. I then spend the rest of the year month week day kicking myself for not being stronger and standing up for something I believe in. Something I love.

It makes me feel like crap.

But...

Why should I have to explain myself?

Why should anyone judge me for giving up a career to be with my kids?

Why should anyone think that being a stay-at-home-mum resembles the lifestyle of a WAG?

I don't judge women who return to work. In fact I salute them. I'm not entirely sure I could do it, especially full-time.

But this isn't going to be one of those posts that gives all the pros and cons about working versus staying at home. It's been done thousands of times over and the same divides remain. It's quite tiresome actually.

I just know that I hate being judged for the decision I've made. I hate people thinking I swan around each day meeting friends for coffee, having my nails done or going shopping.* It can also make me feel like some kind of second class citizen. Like I don't belong if you know what I mean?

The fact remains, I hate the "What do you do?" question and I don't think that feeling will ever change.

However, I love being a stay-at-home-mum (the clues in the blog!). I love that I am here for my kids and I can watch them both grow. I know that I have these feelings on my side and all the people who are ignorant to my decision can, quite frankly, do one!

If they want to think I lead a WAG lifestyle then let them. The thing is, I lead a lifestyle far more richer than any WAG. I lead a happy and healthy lifestyle with my children and that's something I'm mightily proud of.





* I still have spa vouchers I was given as a gift in March that I haven't used yet!

#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (August 2014)

I don't know where the summer holidays have gone. MC goes back to school on Wednesday and I'll miss her so much.

I'm not saying that every day has been a blissfully perfect day. There have been times when the two children have driven me mad but, on the whole, they have been lovely and seeing their relationship blossom each day is wonderful.

The days have flown and I haven't actually blogged since last months Me and Mine! I have barely had any time at all and have just been enjoying days with the kids and evenings with Matt.

In amongst seeing friends, going for picnics, going on adventures, having lazy days in the park we've also had a fair few weekends of family time as a foursome. It's been lovely.  Matt works so hard to provide financial stability for me and the children so our weekends are very precious.

Before the weather turned in August we spent the day at Gulliver's World in Warrington. We'd never been before and it's only a half hour drive for us. We had a lovely fun-filled day. It's not the greatest of theme parks - it needs a lot of TLC but the kids loved it which was all we needed to see. We enjoyed taking some selfies on rides too.

Then, last week, Matt took the day off work as we had tickets booked to see Peppa Pig Live in Llandudno. It was TC's first trip to the theatre and, considering he's only 2, he coped quite well. He got tired and naggy in the second half so Matt took him to the car for the last 15 minutes but after a short nap and some lucy he was ready to enjoy the rest of the day. We had lunch and went for a stroll along the pier. The kids went on some fairground rides and then had fun with the 2p falls in the amusement arcade.

Again, it's all about the selfies this month. They aren't perfect but then that's just us.

#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (July 2014)

I had grand plans for this month.

I had it all decided that, on one of our family days out, I'd take my 'big' camera and set up a lovely photo of us all.

I had taken a 'selfie' shot of us as a back-up fairly early on in the month.

The back-up has since become this months actual photo!

I honestly don't know where the time goes. The months seem to be hurtling by so fast. We are now in the second week of the school holidays and it's lovely having MC at home. I think TC loves it too - their sister and brother bond is amazing to watch.

The gorgeous weather this month has helped so much. The first week of the holidays was lovely and so hot. Lots of days out and ice cream have been on the menu! Not doing much for my diet but at least we are all having fun.

We've also had some lovely downtime too.

My photo this month shows downtime. It's not the best photo but it's 'us'. We settled down one afternoon to take a break from the midday sun and watch a film. It was 'How To Train Your Dragon'. One we've seen before but we wanted a re-cap before watching the sequel. Does anyone else do that? Matt and MC were engrossed but TC suddenly became transfixed by a fly that buzzed in through the French doors and was circling the centre of the lounge.

As I say, it's not perfect (we're all so hot and tired) but it captures a snapshot of normal family life and that makes me happy. It's these type of photos that you don't often see. So turns out I've become rather happy with my back-up.

A Darkened Room

I sit here in a darkened room.

My back against the cot, I sit here for what seems like an eternity. I don't feel the pain of the cot bars digging into my back though.

I just feel you.

I feel your warmth. I feel your heartbeat. I feel your body one with mine. Just like we used to be when you were inside me.

I sit here in a darkened room holding your tiny head in my hands. Not ever wanting to let you go.

I sit here after calming you down. Cold and teething are not your friend tonight. You love your sleep and it pains me to see you so upset.

It's not like you. You're usually so happy.

You've been so difficult today but I don't mind. I don't mind one bit. For when I feel my patience wearing thin I imagine what life would be like without you.

Without you. I shudder at the very thought.

I have lots to do tonight but it can wait. Me time seems so pointless.

You are me.

I just want to hold you close forever. And ever.

I want to sit in this darkened room as long as I can. I sit here and the tears start to fall. They start to fall because I know that outside of this room there are other mummies and daddies who sit in the dark.

They sit there for different reasons.

They sit there without their baby.

Their baby is gone.

That baby could be tiny. That baby could be fully grown and left home. No parent should have to bury their child - whatever age.

I'll sit in this darkened room for as long as I want. I'll sit and I'll think and I'll be thankful. Thankful that even though this evening has been hard...

...you are here with me.