#MeAndMine - A Family Portrait (January 2015)

Things were supposed to be less busy after the hectic last quarter of 2014.

I had plans.

Plans for my family and plans for my blog (I still haven't written about my 40th Birthday Party in October!).

TC is settled at play school meaning I have two mornings a week (if not more thanks to my parents) that I could use for blogging. 

That time has not been forthcoming.

January has passed by quicker than December and I find myself taking a couple of selfies the day before Me and Mine is due to go live. Doesn't help that Matt broke the lens of my 'proper' camera just after Christmas so I'm limited to my phone at the moment.

The old me would have got down about it. Been annoyed that I haven't been more organised but, you know what? I don't feel it. I'm in a wonderful place in my life right now. We are living in our dream home, I have amazing best friends and I've met some amazing neighbours who I've become close to, the children are happy and healthy and I'm just loving life - despite it being so hectic.

I love spending quality time with the kids and, as of the next two nights, I'll be spending quality time with my gorgeous husband.

Exactly 11 years ago today I went on a 'blind date' with a man I met on an online dating website just 5 days earlier. Little did I know I would find my soul mate. My one true love. My best friend. My lover. My life. 

Matt.

Also, little did I know that exactly 3 years on from that first date he would ask me to marry him over a romantic dinner and a beautiful emotional outpouring.

We should have had a break away last year to mark 10 years from our first date but one of my besties was having a Hen Weekend and I didn't really feel ready to leave TC with anyone else but Matt for 2 nights at that point. 

This year though, we are going away.

To York.

I haven't been there for absolutely years and I cannot wait.

We have a luxury apartment right next to York Minster. We have bubbly and chocolate and we have each other. From tomorrow lunch time until Monday lunchtime. 

Bliss.

2014 was a year that something happened I didn't ever think was possible - Matt and I became closer than we ever had. We have always had a fantastic relationship but last year it just went from amazing to absolutely out of this world.

I love him so much.

I know we will miss the kids but this time is important.

Anyway, before I have you all throwing up, I'll fill you in on this months photographs. After we picked MC up from school yesterday we went to our local Starbucks for babycino's and shortbread as a treat as we won't be back until Monday afternoon. MC had run out of school all excited as she'd brought 'Fflic a Fflac' the school Welsh puppets home. She has to fill in a diary of her adventures with them this weekend as return it to school on Monday - all written IN WELSH! 

I'm smiling on the photos but inside I was crying at the stress of having to organise the diary in advance! My parents are having the children but I didn't want them to have the pressure of trying to help Freya as their Welsh is pretty much non-existent. Of all the weekends for her to bring them home!

Obviously Fflic and Fflac had to get in on our photographs and even managed to take them over!

Here's to a less stressful February.

Distant Memories

By the time this post goes live I will have been back in the UK exactly a week.

And what a week it's been!

A week of ups and downs coping with jet lag, solicitor stress and house move packing.

It seems like our 22 nights in Orlando is just distant memories already.

But oh what a memory!

We had a truly amazing time. It was just full of sun and fun. Matt and I celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary inside The Magic Kingdom with our two children - it doesn't get much better than that! I can honestly say that I feel like it's the happiest place on earth. The enormity of what Orlando has to offer is incredible. In total now, we've spent just over 6 weeks out there and we've still only just scratched the surface of it.

We can't wait to go back already.

Remember I was a little apprehensive about taking Tiny Ched with us at only 13.5 months?

Well, I needn't have worried a bit. In fact, I think he enjoyed it the most out of all of us. He even finally learnt how to walk, the lazy little monkey.

I plan on writing about our trip in a lot more detail over a few posts but we are due to move house in just 2 weeks so time is something I don't have right now. Remind me never to move house on the back of a holiday again! I have already shared a few of our family photos on my recent Me And Mine post if you missed it.

I also have the amazing BabaSling to review which was a lifesaver on holiday. It's so lightweight and comfortable and was just what we needed, especially at the airport. Full review on this to follow.

In addition to this we took our Cosatto Yo!, which I've reviewed previously, away with us and it was brilliant! One of my major pieces of advice, if you are planning on visiting Orlando, is take a really good pushchair with you. 

We also used the brand new Snoozeshade Plus Deluxe which was fantastic - another lifesaver. TC slept so soundly even at busy and noisy theme parks in 35°C+ temperature! This is another piece of 'must have' advice for summer travelling with little ones.

Anyway, I digress (as usual).

I just wanted to churn out a blog post to announce my arrival back in the UK.

Ta-da! 

*waves*

I am also going to BritMums Live the weekend after next. Let me know if you'll be there and come say "hi". I still can't believe that I'm going down to London in the middle of moving house too! If I'm totally honest, I could do without it but I am so looking forward to seeing old friends (and hugging them tightly) and meeting new ones. I haven't even thought about clothes or even looked at the schedule yet and I don't think I will have time to.

*takes deep breaths and swigs wine*

I'd also like to thank my lovely guest posters who wrote awesome posts for my blog whilst I was away. They are all brand new bloggers so, if you haven't already done so, go have a look and show them some support. 

I also want to apologise for not being on my blog, other blogs or social media much at the moment. I really miss reading and commenting on my friends blogs but that has to take a back seat for now until things calm down. I'm sorry. I will be back! I promise.

I'd also like to say...wait for it...

*passes sick bucket in advance*

...yes this post should come with a boak alert...

I'd like to say that... although I'm busy and stressed to the eyeballs at the moment (and suffering the "why can't I live in Florida?" syndrome) and *breathes sharply* not sleeping properly due to jet lag and stress ... I am happy.

Very happy.

I know I'm one blummin' lucky lady. 

I have one gorgeous and amazing husband who I love even more than the day I married him (and I didn't think it was possible) and two gorgeous, happy and healthy kids. We have just been on, what many would call, the holiday of a lifetime and we are soon to be moving into a big brand new house.

With everything that's happened in the last 6 months (can't believe it's 6 months since the beautiful MultipleMummy passed away), it's really made me appreciate everything so much more and I am trying my best to just be positive and happy that I'm truly blessed. Kerry's comment on my blog in 2012 was on my mind a lot during our holiday. How I wish things were so different.  

Oh yes, how I wish things were so so SO different.

Friends who are going through hard times right now are always in my thoughts and always will be. That's blogger friends and a couple of my very close real life friends (they know who they are). I shed tears of happiness on holiday but I also found myself shedding tears of sadness occasionally. Jennie, especially, has never been far away from my thoughts during our trip. Every bubble I saw blown into the sky at Disney I thought of Matilda Mae and how she would have loved it. I also thought of Tamsin and all that she is going through. I wore my 'Making Waves For Alex T-Shirt' which Mickey Mouse thought was awesome!

Yes, this holiday has made me appreciate everything so much more.

I have the post-holiday blues and feel like our holiday is just distant memories but that's what they are.

Memories.

Amazing memories to cherish. Forever.

I'll always be thankful for them and so much more.

Things Can Only Get Better

I almost didn't post a Silent Sunday picture last week.

Why?

Because the picture I posted didn't sum up my week at all. That picture says I had a lovely week enjoying the sunshine with my daughter when, in reality, this wasn't the case.

However, I didn't have a picture of sick, snot, phlegm, coughing, crying, tantrums, house looking like it had been burgled and me looking like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

That was my week...and that was the week before too.

The serene picture you see of MC was taken on Saturday afternoon on a meet up with the inlaws. I can assure you the scene off camera wasn't the same but I'll blog about that another day.

I shouldn't be moaning.

I know so many people who have a tough time constantly. People with really poorly children, people with children with special needs and others. I know I'm lucky. I have two (usually) healthy kids, a nice house, a fantastic husband and so on.

Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm the first to admit that.

However, things just got on top of me.

Even though TC is an amazing sleeper for someone who only turned 2 months old on Monday it has been MC who had been keeping us awake.

Last week we ended up at the local hospital with her at 10.30pm one night as she was that bad with her coughing.

I have to admit, whilst she was ill I crumbled. Lack of sleep and her constant demands because of how poorly she was got to me.

Since I had TC I've been quite strong - only having a touch of baby blues on day 5 after the birth. Last week I think it all caught up with me.

I fell behind with my freelance work and I started to panic.

I felt like I was sinking.

The sun was shining and I couldn't get out in it because of the kids. Everyone seemed to be out and about and I was stuck in feeling pretty miserable.

I neglected my blog, I neglected my blogging friends, I neglected my work, I neglected the housework, I neglected my friends.

More importantly I neglected ME.

I think as mother's we always put our families above everything else but if we aren't functioning properly then our families actually suffer more.

This week both kids are fit and healthy (although MC is still coughing at night a bit), I've managed to catch up a little with my freelance work, I have plans to catch up with friends and I've taken a few hours out to go and get my hair done and sit out in the sun a little.

This week is like night and day compared to last.

So next time I feel like I'm sinking I'm going to make sure I try and get some time to myself and remember that things can only get better.

Taken 30th May 2012

Pushing My Buttons

Photo credit: m_bartosch

This isn't really me.  I try to avoid blogging about the really bad stuff, even though I have blogged about cancer before.  However, sometimes I need to vent.  Sometimes I just need an outlet to let off steam...call it cheap therapy if you will.

There is someone in my life who has the ability to push my buttons.

Unfortunately they are the wrong buttons.  These are the buttons that send my anxiety levels to maximum overload and cause a feeling inside me that I can't describe.  It's been happening for a while now and there is little I can do for respite.

I don't know what I can to do to appease the situation.  It's the only real area of my life that I can't control, the only area that I wish to sort so I can feel happier...but I can't. It's awkward.

I'm an extremely easygoing person, I like to think of myself as loyal and friendly and I would hope that those who know me would describe me as exactly that. I have the sort of personality though that appears to let this person wind me up. I tolerate things for an easy life but if the pushing and prodding goes on for much longer I'll be tipped over the edge and explode.

At the moment I'm dangerously close to the edge.

Today was pretty awful. Matt and I had suffered one of the worst nights sleep ever (or should I say lack of) due to Mini Cheddar coughing relentlessly. It would have to happen the night before I'm due to do my volunteer work the next day but c'est la vie (and no it's not someone in the shop, they are all lovely).  We are talking a night with an absolute maximum of 3 hours sleep and broken sleep at that.  A night when you feel sick you're that exhausted. So today wasn't a day I need to be antagonised but I was.

Sometimes I think that being pushed entirely over the edge is the only way to 'clear the air', the only way to gain some sort of balance in my life but I'm scared.  I'm scared of the consequences of what would happen if I'm caught on a wrong day. I'm scared that more than 2 and half years of being hurt and wound up will come pouring out of me in a tirade of feelings I've kept bottled up.

I've gone this long and not bitten though so maybe I can hold out some more.

However, it's inevitable that one day I'll erupt and this is one ash cloud you won't want to be in the vicinity of.

Going Grey

Yes, it's official.  I'm getting old.

*sobs lightly into my Horlicks*

I used to have my hair highlighted (see my blog banner pic for proof) but at the beginning of December last year I decided to go back to my natural brown colour.  It was mainly a financial reason - being a stay at home mum means less cash to splash on non-essentials and although my husband said he would gladly pay for me to go blonde every 6 weeks, I decided to see if brunettes actually ended up having more fun after all.

Well, as Bertorelli used to say in 'Allo 'Allo...what a mistakea to makea!

The thing is, with recent events I let my hair appointment in January/February go and thought I'd hang on as long as possible.  This morning, as I stood at the bathroom mirror, trying my best to conceal the panda eyes that I developed having bog all sleep at the hospital this weekend, I'm horrified to see so many spindly horrible grey hairs. Where the hell did they come from?

Yes, I'm going grey.  I'm only 36.  Balls!

Maybe they've been there a while?  Maybe the blonde has been concealing them all this time? Maybe recent events with my husband and my daughter are to blame...perhaps the worry and stress has effected me more than I thought?

Hmm.  Maybe I just need to face the fact I'm no spring chicken any more.  Surely the fact I'd prefer to sit in snuggled up on the sofa in my PJ's rather than go out on a wild night should tell me that.

It's time to face facts, I'm going grey and there's nothing I can do about it.  Time to order an electric fire and a shopping bag with wheels me thinks.

Thank f*** I'm going to the hairdressers tomorrow though!

Oh and at least I don't have a moustache.  Yet.