Thursday, 25 October 2012

Love Is...Denying Your Wife Chocolate (Apparently!)

I love my husband.

I mean really love him.

I love how he takes care of our family. I love how he loves me and the kids so much. I love how he is the one who baths the kids and puts them to bed more than me. I love how much he does for them. I love how successful he is in everything he does. I love how we connect and I love how our relationship is full of love and laughter.

Yup, I love him.

There's something I don't love though.

He has a major sweet tooth and a particular fondness for chocolate.

I'm told quite frequently by his parents about how, when he had moved into a house on his own (just before we met), his family went to visit him. His Grandma made him a big chocolate cake. He made them all a cup of tea and never offered them a slice of cake. No, not even a crumb.

I've experienced his mild possessiveness over chocolate occasionally during our 9 years together but nothing prepared me for last night.

He's just started a new job and was away for 3 days. He returned last night full of talk about his new job. He told me tales of going to a meeting in Edinburgh (somewhere we go each Christmas) and how it wasn't the same without me and the kids. Then he told me tales of how his new boss had to buy a birthday present for his partner whilst they were up there. Apparently he walked into a jewellers and thought nothing of spending £6,000 on a Rolex for her.

So when I saw my husband had returned with a large Thornton's carrier bag I was hopeful. I don't need an overpriced watch or expensive presents from him. Sure, the iPad he surprised me with for Mother's Day was nice but I'm more than happy with just a small gesture of affection occasionally.

I was hopeful for some scrummy chocolate. Hormonal and tired after caring for 2 children for almost 72 hours I was looking forward to a treat!

He pulled out a chocolate ghost for MC and she was delighted.

"I can't wait to climb into bed and chill with you" he says to me. That's not code for doing the 'bad thing' by the way *cough* That means sit in bed, watch some comedy on TV, snuggle up and...chill!

Nothing came out the bag though. I guessed he was saving it for a surprise later.

So later on, after both kids are fast asleep, I go into the room to find him already eating the chocolate. The evidence Thornton's carrier bag is on the floor.

"Oooh lovely. Share the wealth." I say to him.

"There is no wealth" he replies...half joking - half not. Stuffing his face with more chocolate from the bag.

I laugh. "Come on".

"Fine" he says in part disgust "Take my favourite chocolates from me".

At this point I realise as this conversation is progressing he's still eating. I also realise he's eating as many as he can and quickly as he can. You would swear he was attempting the Guinness Book of World Records for the most Thornton's chocolates someone can shove in their cakehole in one sitting.

Then he says "Ok, you can have these last two as I've got this other bag I'm opening". He then proceeds to get a fresh bag for himself and passes me two measly chocolates looking rather sad and lonely in the bottom of the bag he's devoured.

That's the point I gave him the bag back and told him it was too late and I didn't want his precious chocolate.

My revenge?
I've been to the shop today and bought 2 boxes of mint Matchmakers (another of his favourites) and I'm going to eat every last one to myself.

The moral of the story? Don't ever deny a woman chocolate.

He's lucky I didn't slice his balls off*

*I wouldn't really slice his balls off nor do I condone this kind of behaviour. Maybe just once a month.


Mummysknee said...

Aw, what a lovely start to your post..... Then cruelty ensued. My hubby would do that too.

Hannah - Little Blog of Life said...

Ha ha I would be furious if my husband did this! He wouldn't dare. However, I do understand your husband as I can be a bit like that with my food! he he x

HELEN said...

haha love it! x

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Hmm I only do this to my kids and only when they are not watching, or they have forgotten about those abandoned Easter eggs :)

Dear Beautiful Boy said...

I have a chocolate obsessed husband too. It drives me insane. Especially as he tends to eat it sneakily when I'm not around. There is nothing worse that having a busy day out, planning on coming home to snuggle up with a bar or chocolate/packet of biscuits, only to discover they've been eaten. Grrr!

bod for tea said...

Errr... sorry I'm confused. You mean that you don't have the rules clearly laid out in letters a foot high that when it comes to chocolate what's his is yours and what's yours is yours too? Tsk tsk. Love the start though, ahhhhhh! *Melts into hormonal puddle*

Caroline @scribblingmum said...

Mine is like this with all food. No sharing, bit like Joey Tribbiani. You can see him twitch when friends suggest a carry out where we just 'you know, order a few and have a pick of each'. Oh how I laugh ;)

Christina E said...

Oooh dear! I would definitely be sharpening my knives in readiness. Or maybe leaving them dull and rusty for maximum revenge factor. Because yes, chocolate greed is a crime most heinous and serious. To a woman, especially at 'that' time in the month.

Fun read and shame on your hubby! ;) xX

HonestMum said...

Lucky you didn't cut off his balls-hysterical. Naughty husband!

SAHMlovingit said...

I got my revenge with the Matchmakers :)

SAHMlovingit said...

He paid for it Hannah, he really did. Of course he denied it all and said he was joking over the chocolates but I know the truth ;) x

SAHMlovingit said...

I'm soooo glad I'm not alone in this :) x

SAHMlovingit said...

I think I'm going to have the draw up a 'chocolate contract' :)

SAHMlovingit said...

Hahahaha Matt is the same way over take out with friends too. He likes his own! Needless to say I've never taken him to a tapas bar ;)

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