"What Do You Do?"

It's a question the rears it's ugly head once in a while.

It's a question that I sometimes answer with a passion. Ready for a fight that never comes.

It's a question that I sometimes answer with weakness and dread. Then I kick myself for not being proud and not fighting my corner when that question I dread is asked of me.

"What do you do?"

Such a simple question.

It should be a simple answer.

"I'm a stay at home mum" comes my reply.

It's either met with enthusiasm or jealousy...

"Oooh how fabulous!"

"You're so lucky! I wish I could afford to stay at home with the kids - they are only little for such a short time"

...Or it's met with misunderstanding or ignorance.

It happened to me again the other month.

An older brother of an ex-boyfriend I hadn't seen in years.

"So what are you doing now?" he said eagerly.

"I'm a stay at home mum".

"Ooooooh" he laughed "A lady of leisure!"

"Ha, yeah" came my feeble response as I wasn't prepared for a fight…but then I never am. "I wish!" I added on the end and then quickly changed the subject.

I'd like to think I would be ready to stand up for myself but I never am. I then spend the rest of the year month week day kicking myself for not being stronger and standing up for something I believe in. Something I love.

It makes me feel like crap.

But...

Why should I have to explain myself?

Why should anyone judge me for giving up a career to be with my kids?

Why should anyone think that being a stay-at-home-mum resembles the lifestyle of a WAG?

I don't judge women who return to work. In fact I salute them. I'm not entirely sure I could do it, especially full-time.

But this isn't going to be one of those posts that gives all the pros and cons about working versus staying at home. It's been done thousands of times over and the same divides remain. It's quite tiresome actually.

I just know that I hate being judged for the decision I've made. I hate people thinking I swan around each day meeting friends for coffee, having my nails done or going shopping.* It can also make me feel like some kind of second class citizen. Like I don't belong if you know what I mean?

The fact remains, I hate the "What do you do?" question and I don't think that feeling will ever change.

However, I love being a stay-at-home-mum (the clues in the blog!). I love that I am here for my kids and I can watch them both grow. I know that I have these feelings on my side and all the people who are ignorant to my decision can, quite frankly, do one!

If they want to think I lead a WAG lifestyle then let them. The thing is, I lead a lifestyle far more richer than any WAG. I lead a happy and healthy lifestyle with my children and that's something I'm mightily proud of.





* I still have spa vouchers I was given as a gift in March that I haven't used yet!

Flashback Friday - My Mum Before Me

A little bit later than usual to Karin's fab Flashback Friday this week - I'm normally organised and prep in advance.  Yes, I know I'm sad and I'm writing this on a Friday night but my husband is working late - cue violins and sad face - so I'm blogging.  I officially have no life - cue another sad face.

This will be my second post about my Mum this week but as it was Mother's Day AND her birthday - both on the same day (how cute!) I thought she deserved it.  Maybe one day I'll tell her about my blog....or given some of the rude stories I've divulged previously, maybe not!

Now I'm a mother I sometimes struggle to remember my life before my daughter so I imagine how hard it must be for my Mum.  She's 66 now and has two daughters ages 36 (me) and 39.  It must be so strange to look back on her younger days when she was footloose and fancy free.

So I dedicate this weeks post to my Mum before she had me!

At the beach with her Mum (my Nanna)

Very studious at school

Turning into a young woman

With my Nan again at a wedding

Dancing with an old boyfriend - go Mum!

Then she met my Dad - I *love* this photo

Mum & Dad

If you're interested in seeing what my Mum looks like now and you didn't see my entry to The Gallery this week you can have a little look here.

Now I'm heading off to link up with Flashback Friday over at Cafebebe and rummage through everyone else's archives on this lovely sunny Friday night.

The Gallery - Mother Love

With it being Mother's Day on Sunday just gone, Tara has given the prompt of 'Mother Love' for The Gallery this week and also dedicated entries to World Vision's Mother's Day Campaign which is asking for people to share their best 'mother' moments that make them smile.

It was actually my Mum's 66th birthday on Mother's Day so it made it even more special and the reason I've chosen my Mum as the theme for The Gallery.

It's hard for me to pinpoint the thing that makes me smile the most about my Mum.  I think just knowing that despite having had breast cancer twice she's still here with us.  I'll always be so thankful for that.

This photo of my older Sister, my Mum and myself was taken on my daughters 1st birthday just over a year ago.  Since then my Mum has been going to Weight Watchers and has lost well over 3 and half stone. I'm so proud of her, she's looking fantastic.

Mum is the mother of two daughters and I am the mother of one (so far) and I hope that my daughter and I have as much of a bond as my Mum and I do.

Even though I don't say it all the time, I love my Mum so much.


Now head over and view all the other mummy moments...

Back To Work

Today is the day that most people return to work after the festive period.  I say ‘most’ people but I don’t fall under that category.  I’m a ‘stay at home mum’ (SAHM).  I never in a million years thought that when I had children I would give up work but I absolutely love it.

I think sometimes more career-minded people, in a rather pitying way that makes me mad, can look down on SAHM’s.  This usually happens when they don’t have children themselves.  Maybe they think we sit around all day drinking coffee and watching daytime television.  Fact of the matter is I don’t.  Yes I go on twitter (and now this blog aha!) but it’s done quickly on my phone and usually when I’m waiting for something like the toaster or the microwave or I'm fed up playing with Mega Bloks ;-)

My working friends quite regularly ask me if I ‘miss’ work.  I never quite know how to answer that.  I wouldn’t say I miss work.  I certainly don’t miss the 124 miles of driving every day.  I don’t miss getting mad in the car at the idiots who don’t use the lanes on the motorway in the correct way.  I don’t miss the Bank Holiday traffic and me getting angry at all the caravan owners sat in the middle lanes or trying to over-take trucks and clogging up my journey home.  I don’t miss having disagreements with ‘creative’ bods who haven’t listened to me or read my brief correctly and me running around like an idiot trying to get something else done to present at a meeting.  I do however miss my income.  At the end of the day that’s what the vast majority of people work for no matter how much they say they ‘love’ their jobs.  

I don’t have any desire to return to work in the near future.  I left school at 16 and had plans to go to college but I landed myself a job.  I was on £35 a week and I loved it.  I worked my way up through the company, moving divisions and eventually achieved a manager role within marketing.  As the first signs of the recession started to hit about 4 years ago I was made redundant.  It hit me hard as the company was like my family; I’d grown up with it.  I was lucky enough to be offered a job elsewhere straight away and lucky for me I loved it.  Problem was it was 62 miles away from home and I also had to spend time driving up to Cumbria and down to Oxford.  Fortunately the pay was good and they paid business AND personal on my company car.  Happy days!  Fast-forward 2 years and I’m leaving to have a baby…eek!

At that point I was hit with a decision.  As it was I started my maternity leave early.  I left Christmas Eve when my baby wasn’t due until 16^th March!  It was mainly my husbands decision as he didn’t want me doing all the driving in the final trimester.  I was happy as it gave me time to prepare for having a baby.  I think Matt and I both just knew I wouldn’t be going back to work.  We’ve had to make some sacrifices but that’s what having children is all about.   We’ve never led overly extravagant lifestyles but we have been known to splurge from time-to-time – well now we certainly live a more frugal lifestyle.  We’ve had to adapt to this change in our life.  I have to say though that sometimes I do struggle not having my own income.  I’ve always had a wage.  For almost 20 years I worked and bought things for myself - I even bought my first car myself at the age of 18 when most of my friends were getting them as presents. 

Anyway, I digress.  Sorry.  I can see me amending this blog post a few times after publishing it!  I’m really happy being a SAHM.  I love spending time with my daughter and thankfully I still have contact with adults.  I meet regularly with my groups of friends, most without children or children who are 17+ so I get to have conversations other than potty training and tantrums.  I also have a few great friends with children of the same age as my daughter.   I honestly don’t think I’d have the time to work and do all the things I want to do. 

I’m not saying I’ll be a SAHM forever, but for now I think I deserve some time off for good behaviour.  Until then I’m savouring each day with my daughter and secretly dreading the day I have to go back to work.




Photographer: luigi diamanti