It's a question that I sometimes answer with a passion. Ready for a fight that never comes.
It's a question that I sometimes answer with weakness and dread. Then I kick myself for not being proud and not fighting my corner when that question I dread is asked of me.
"What do you do?"
Such a simple question.
It should be a simple answer.
"I'm a stay at home mum" comes my reply.
It's either met with enthusiasm or jealousy...
"Oooh how fabulous!"
"You're so lucky! I wish I could afford to stay at home with the kids - they are only little for such a short time"
...Or it's met with misunderstanding or ignorance.
It happened to me again the other month.
An older brother of an ex-boyfriend I hadn't seen in years.
"So what are you doing now?" he said eagerly.
"I'm a stay at home mum".
"Ooooooh" he laughed "A lady of leisure!"
"Ha, yeah" came my feeble response as I wasn't prepared for a fight…but then I never am. "I wish!" I added on the end and then quickly changed the subject.
I'd like to think I would be ready to stand up for myself but I never am. I then spend the rest of the
It makes me feel like crap.
But...
Why should I have to explain myself?
Why should anyone judge me for giving up a career to be with my kids?
Why should anyone think that being a stay-at-home-mum resembles the lifestyle of a WAG?
I don't judge women who return to work. In fact I salute them. I'm not entirely sure I could do it, especially full-time.
I just know that I hate being judged for the decision I've made. I hate people thinking I swan around each day meeting friends for coffee, having my nails done or going shopping.* It can also make me feel like some kind of second class citizen. Like I don't belong if you know what I mean?
The fact remains, I hate the "What do you do?" question and I don't think that feeling will ever change.
However, I love being a stay-at-home-mum (the clues in the blog!). I love that I am here for my kids and I can watch them both grow. I know that I have these feelings on my side and all the people who are ignorant to my decision can, quite frankly, do one!
If they want to think I lead a WAG lifestyle then let them. The thing is, I lead a lifestyle far more richer than any WAG. I lead a happy and healthy lifestyle with my children and that's something I'm mightily proud of.
* I still have spa vouchers I was given as a gift in March that I haven't used yet!
10 comments:
Ha. Where to start. Having been a full time working mum, part time working mum, stay at home mum and work from home mum, I can honestly say that ALL are really hard. None of those roles are without challenges and just because you don't go out to work to earn a wage as such, it doesn't mean you don't work! Being a stay at home mum full time is not easy but it is the most rewarding in terms of investment, but like you say- its each to their own. Nobody else's business and if it works for your family then stick with it x x x x x
After 22 years as a Mum, I've finally become a SAHM, and making the decision to stop looking for work for the foreseeable future is actually a huge relief! My son is calmer too, perhaps because he knows I'm always available now. So glad that you are still 'Loving It' :)
Hi, I wrote a post the other day "what do you do all day" (I've been a full time SAHM for 10 years) and I've documented it and will possibly do a new blog on the subject now all 3 of mine are at school. I am desperately trying to watch day time telly but haven't fitted it in yet! But I am going to fit in going to a boot camp session at a local park tomorrow and have a massage next week because I deserve it and lets face it who ever go to the end of their life and said "I wished I worked more" I should coco. I have had 4 days off sick in 10 years so people who ask can poke it!
AM right there with you!! i had a full time working mum,and i know the kids point of view... and i had decided long back that i will stay at home with my kids... its not like you're not capable of working.. but it IS A CHOICE! when will people understand that! you work harder! I have a friend who went back to work after trying to be a SAHM because she felt working was easier... but it is the most rewarding career, and i don't regret it.... but really! hate that question! you actually have to be multi-talented to look after a house and kids!
I think your answer was perfect. Who cares if people don't understand everything it means to be a stay at home mom? I used to be really defensive of my choices as a mom, especially the fact that I stayed home. But it really doesn't matter what others think!!
No, it doesn't at all. I kick myself for not being smarter with my response but I should't - I shouldn't have to justify my decision. Thanks for your comment x
Amen to that. I honestly don't have the time to WORK work. Thanks for your comment x
Actually, I've had quite a few people ask me "So, are you going back to work when the kids are back at school?". I honestly don't know yet as it's not for another couple of years but again, whose business is it but mine? I love your response and I hope you have a great massage!
Aw I'm so glad C. Really happy that your son is calmer too. I so need to catch up on your blog. Life is 100mph at the moment! xx
I miss you so much Susanne xx
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