A year.
A whole year.
It only seems like yesterday now.
7th March 2013.
We stood together in that church shaking, crying and holding hands and we spoke. Spoke about Matilda's legacy and the blogging community.
A lot has happened in that year.
Sadness. So much sadness.
But one thing I am so glad of. One thing I'll always be glad of.
We have all become good friends.
Today, as this post goes live, Susanne and I will be back at that little church in Kent to speak together again at Matilda Mae Remembers - a service to remember all the babies in the sky.
I wanted to share our words with you today…
One year ago we stood here in tears
as we tried so hard to explain
how Matilda had touched so many lives
how many were feeling the pain.
We're not sure we realised how hard it would be
to see a friend suffer like that
to see a friend say goodbye -
nothing can prepare you for that.
But we know that this is not our grief
we do not have the right
to cry and to feel sad and wish so hard
that things were different that night.
All we can tell you is all that we know
that seeing a friend suffer is hard.
Watching her move through the days as she does
with achingly empty arms.
***
When a friend loses a baby your world starts to rock -
It's all so surreal and you're left feeling shocked.
You read the words over and it doesn't sink in,
You know not what to do, nor where to begin.
When a friend loses a baby you weep for her loss,
You mourn, you feel low, but you also get cross.
How could this baby be taken away?
On what was to us just a normal day?
When a friend loses a baby you know not what to say,
It's at time like this that you wish you could pray.
But you know that nothing will bring the comfort she needs,
You sit and watch as her broken heart bleeds.
When a friend loses a baby you stumble and fall,
You cuddle your little ones tight in a ball.
Sleep doesn't come easy; you are always aware,
Checking on breathing and stroking their hair.
When a friend loses a baby you feel helpless and scared,
Her baby's been taken and yours was spared.
And then the guilt hits - you know what you've got,
You have your baby and your friend does not.
When a friend loses a baby you know that she hides,
The things she is feeling deep down inside.
Her smile is a mask since that night with the cot,
People tell her she's strong, but really she's not.
When a friend loses a baby there is not much to do,
Except to hope it's enough to be you.
When a friend loses a baby I guess she just needs,
Some time and some space to just simply grieve.
8 comments:
Beautiful words that are so true..... Really lovely to say hello today albeit brief xx
That's a truly beautiful way to remember her xx
What beautiful words. A good friend of mine lost her son days after he was born and I honestly don't know how she copes, I don't think I could. 5 years on she talks about him every day and he will always be a big brother to her two daughters x
It was so lovely to meet you too Rachel. I'm sorry I wasn't really with it when we spoke. The day was quite over-whelming. You read beautifully too xx
And thank you again xx
Thank you. Susanne and I struggled to write something at first but once we started it just flowed xx
Thank you xx That's so sad about your friend. The service was for all babies in the sky and we lit candles for them. No parent should ever have to lose a child at any age xx
It was, once more, so special to stand there with you last week. All day yesterday I was thinking of Matilda's goodbye and just wanted to give you and Jennie a big hug x x x x
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