This tragedy has completely rocked the blogging community. Even people who have never met Jennie have been so moved by her story and are in pieces that something so unimaginable has devastated her life.
Tiny Ched is just a month older than Matilda. I think this is maybe why I, like others with children around the same age, have really felt it. I now openly admit that, even now, I can sob at a moments notice. The this tragedy has affected me like nothing before.
TC has his 1st birthday 28th March and it's breaking my heart knowing that Jennie will never get to celebrate any of Matilda's birthdays. I really need to make his birthday extra special but I've been struggling somewhat.
But this weekend has helped me a little.
Sometime last year a close friend of mine asked me and some other of her friends to go on a weekend away to Edinburgh for her 40th birthday. Obviously I jumped at the chance. My favourite U.K. city and a bunch of lovely ladies - there was no doubt I was going to be there.
However, I've found it really hard being away from the kids lately and the thought of leaving them and Matt for 2 nights and 3 whole days filled me with dread. I had never left TC for more than 4 hours before and I'd only ever left MC overnight. I hated the thought that something could happen and me not be there. Matt's Grandmother had also passed away a week and a half earlier and I knew Matt and his family were feeling it.
"I don't think I want to go" was what I was saying inside but deep down I knew that it would do me good and I wanted to be there with my friends. I knew we'd have fun despite my feelings.
So I went.
To be honest, the day before I started to feel more comfortable with my decision to go and the excitement started to kick in. 3 of the girls (there were 9 of us in total) I class as some of my closest friends and I knew we'd have fun.
|Friends and fun - the perfect pick me up|
And do you know what?
Despite hardly getting any sleep the 2 nights I was away, I totally loved the weekend!
I feel a bit drained from it (we had Matt's Grandma's funeral the day after I got back) but I'm happy. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while - you know where you laugh so much that your face and stomach actually ache? I was able to relax, I was able to forget about things for a while and be 'me' rather than just a wife and mother.
It was just what I needed.
I've started to plan the kids birthday's (MC also has hers 11th March) over the last couple of days and I'm looking forward to trying to make them as special as possible. The tragic events over the past few months have made me realise more than ever to grab opportunities with both hands, to not get down about things and live for the moment. You really never know what life can throw at you until it's too late.
It hasn't stopped me thinking about everything that's happened but it's made me refocus.
It's also made me realise I need to make time for me. As well as our family holiday in May, I'm looking forward to my night away in a posh hotel for BritMums. Roll on June when I can be 'me' for another night!