Tuesday 2 August 2011

My Always Shining Star (My Birth Story)

This post has been a long time coming and a few weeks back I was prompted to mention it on a post by Karin at Cafebebe. She contacted me and told me she'd love to hear it and I think it will be a good one to blog about as a memory and may help some people out there facing an important birthing decision.

This will probably be the biggest blog post I've ever written and the most personal photos I'll ever share.

Before I start though, I'd just like to let you all know that I'm guest posting over at Chronicles Of A Reluctant HouseDad today so, after I've bored you with my birth story, you can head over to Keith's place and I can bore you with why I love being a Stay At Home Mum!

So, got yourself a brew? Comfy? Then I'll begin.

Back in July 2008 when I found out I was expecting my first child at the age of 34 I was ecstatic! So began my preparations over the following months - picking out nursery furniture to convert the spare room, buying baby clothes, choosing names and also writing my birth plan.

I wanted a water birth.

Think low-lighting, music playing.  I had the perfect picture in my head.

I started listening to hypnotherapy CD's to help me with the birth and I thought I was in control of everything.

My bump had never caused me concern until around week 28 when, at a midwife check, I was told the baby was feet down (breech). The midwife didn't seem too concerned saying there was plenty of time for he/she to move.

As the weeks went on it was apparent that the baby was not turning. By 35 weeks I was really starting to panic and booked to have a treatment of moxibustion to try and turn the baby naturally. We even continued this at home - yes, Matt ended up basically burning candles on my toes! I was also positioning my body to encourage turning and also playing music to my lady garden! The things you'll do.

I was in sheer panic at the thought of not being able to deliver my baby naturally. I cried endlessly and sought comfort in baby forums.  I was a wreck although I hid it from the outside world.  We had paid for NCT classes and felt we were so knowledgeable about natural birth but we weren't prepared for the possibility of a caesarean.

At 36 weeks I was offered an ECV to try and manipulate the baby to turn. I did a lot of research on the procedure and spoke at length to the consultant. As it happened, when we had a late scan, the baby was well and truly stuck the wrong way so Matt and I decided that it wasn't for us. We opted for an elective caesarean section. I fought with many demons over this decision but it will, to this day, be one of the best decisions I ever made.

I was booked in to have the section Wednesday 11th March 2009 (due date was 16th March).  There was only one person, other than Matt, that knew I was booked in and that was my Sister. We took the decision not to tell anyone to lessen their worry and also let it be a surprise when the baby was born. Again, this was one of the best decisions we made.

I used the next couple of weeks to prepare myself for everything I would need to get through the section with as little upset as possible.  I bought the NCT Caesarean Birth book which was excellent.  I bought myself a caesarean belt from Mothercare and I bought myself some arnica pills from Boots.

The night before the section Matt and I went out for a meal to the restaurant he'd proposed marriage and where we'd had our wedding reception meal.  It was lovely. The two of us were wrapped in this little bubble - we knew we were going to be parents the next day and our lives would change forever.

That night I woke up at 2am and I was really sick.  I had bad tightening pains that felt like severe
menstrual cramps start in the morning and I was leaking fluid.  On the way to the hospital I had a couple of really bad pains and I'm still convinced that I was in early labour and that the baby knew it was time to come out.

I was so calm at the hospital until the anesthetist came in to talk to me about what was going to happen. I felt uncontrollably teary and down the corridor I heard a baby enter the world with it's first cry and I started to shake.

Sexy *cough*
I needn't have worried though...my tears turned to laughter later when Matt appeared in the room looking more like some idiot from Scrubs rather than George Clooney in ER as I had hoped (sorry Matt!).

I couldn't believe how relaxed and friendly it was inside the theatre when we got there. The radio was playing and everyone was lovely.  The spinal block I had was fine although the sensation of not feeling your legs is a little strange at first! Matt was sat next to my head holding my hand. I felt quite calm.

Within 5 minutes of them starting the procedure I remember the midwife (who was standing next to us) saying "Your baby is about to be born".

Matt and I both got a little emotional as we looked at each other for a brief moment as 'childless parents'. Matt said "listen to the radio" and I heard an old early 90's song called You from Ten Sharp playing with these words:

You, you were always on my mind
you, you're the one I've been living for
you, you're my everlasting fire
you're my always shining star

Then our beautiful baby was held up by the for us by the obstetrician so we could both see she was a little girl.

New (and knackered and emotional) parents
We both started crying and I vaguely remember Mini Cheddar deciding to poo meconium at that point. Always one for an entrance is our daughter!

Matt was able to cut the cord and then she was passed to us for some immediate skin-to-skin.  We were just so happy, even writing this post makes it all come flooding back like it was only yesterday.

I was stitched up and we were taken back into the recovery room where we were able to cuddle our daughter and then phone our families.  They were so shocked as we hadn't told them. I'll never forget phoning my Dad, who was on the golf course at the time and I heard him get very emotional.

When I think back to how upset, angry, worried and frustrated that I couldn't have the 'natural' birth I wanted I have to laugh at myself. For me, my section was the most amazing experience ever.

Freshly wrapped Mini Cheddar
I took arnica from the moment of my operation and my recovery was excellent. I was in far better shape a week later than a friend who had a natural birth just 2 days before I had my caesarean. I was also back driving within 2 weeks and leading a normal life (as normal as life can be that is with a new baby!)

I know when there was the prospect of me having a caesarean I did receive a couple of comments (one from a stranger and one from a 'friend' who is anti-caesarean) who made me feel bad, like I was failing at being a 'real mother'. Well, you know what? I don't feel any less of a woman for not delivering naturally, in fact I'm proud of myself that I went through all that I did.

However a child is born us mothers are strong, determined and courageous to carry our bundles and give birth - whether that's naturally or not.




47 comments:

Cat Parrott said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I can really empathise with your initial disappointment. I ended up with a c-section with my first son and was really miserable about it. My second son ended up being a really quick natural birth. In retrospect I can see now that on both occasions we made the best choices we could as events unfolded and ended up with two healthy boys. Can't really ask for more than that, can we?

Karin Joyce said...

What a gorgeous story Heather! Thank you so much for sharing it. This gives me hope, that if I do get my elective c-section, that it can be THAT positive an experience. What a wonderful birth story!

Sniff! Karin

Fi (childcareisfun.co.uk) said...

*wipes a tear* what a lovely story.

It's so lovely to hear that although you couldn't have the birth you planned it was still a very special moment. I love that you went to dinner the night before and knew the very next day you would be parents- that's so lovely and makes me get all emotional!

Thanks for sharing!

Posie Patchwork said...

This is such a great birth story!!  I was super lucky & scored 4 natural deliveries, even twins (including a breech, but that's easy if your sister has just 'cleared the way' for you to be pulled out by your feet) & i did have another breech scare, last time around & seeing i was going interstate to my beloved obstetrician, but doing ante natal in Sydney, they kept saying i had to have a Ceaser & i kept saying "no way, not with 3 toddlers, not the last time, no way" & they also kept telling me i looked young for 38 (i was 28, i had zero faith in this hospital, seriously!!)  Just love how it wasn't what you wanted but you made the best of it & had a great recovery.  Love Posie

Kylie Hodges said...

That made me cry. Beautiful story. I had a section as well, and it is one of my most treasured memories.

Lucy at DearBeautifulBoy said...

Beautiful. Thank-you so much for sharing. I think, in reality a lot of people end up with labour experiences which are different to what they expect or plan for - I know mine was - but it is always the result that matters. A beautiful, healthy baby. And I think once you've got that baby in your arms it's hard not to see the positive spin on your birth experience, whatever it is. x

20somethingmum said...

I had Cesareans for both my births, one elective and one emergency (at 28 weeks). Never been guilty or shamed by them- babies have to be born, I don't think its a reflection what way they come out! Its more the Mum you are once they're here that counts! I had seen a natural birth before Chrissy (elective) was born, that ended in very severe complications, and that put me off, there was no way I was giving birth any other way after that. Good on you for your post (it was very good!)

lucewoman said...

How lovely, it's amazing how you remember little things like what was playing on the radio. However our babies enter the world, it's always an unforgettable experience which is very difficult to put into words. You've done an amazing job of telling your story. x 

SAHMlovingit said...

No we can't :) Thanks for your fab comment Cat x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks Karin.  Glad you liked it.  I really enjoyed writing it x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks Posie.  I did have a great birth and recovery but I know I was lucky.  Thanks again for your comment x

SAHMlovingit said...

Sorry I made you cry Kylie.  Thanks for your comment. It's so lovely when, even with a section, you have a wonderful experience x

SAHMlovingit said...

Brilliantly said Lucy.  Thanks for your comment.  I think most people have a somewhat difference experience to what they have in their head.  Mine was totally different but was so lovely all the same x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks Claire :)  "babies have to be born" - couldn't have put it better myself.  I've never felt ashamed by my section but I know a couple of people who tried to make me feel bad.  Balls to them eh! :) x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thank you so much Lucy, such a lovely thing to say x

@mcai7td3 said...

Love your birth story and glad it went so well! I had a section too but never took arnica. Am off to google it now :)

northernmum said...

Heather that made me sob big fat happy tears.

Lovely story.

Had two sections still think I am bloody impressive for creating three kids!

Lindsey Welch said...

What a brilliantly positive birth story! I really enjoyed reading it and I'm so glad you had such a good experience. You know, I'm a doula and I do love natural birth, but really it's all about a woman having a positive birth experience.  However you give birth to a baby, you do just that *give birth*. It's YOUR birth day, as well as their birthday, and you should be bloody proud of what you have achieved. Electing to have a C-section is not an easy decision for most women to make. Thank you for sharing :) x

Kylie Hodges said...

Mine was at 27 weeks. It was the scariest thing I've ever had to do, sign the consent form and then walk into theatre.

What made me laugh was there was no music, and the consultant said "oh next time you can bring a cd"....um right well thanks for that!

But what really made me sad is people making it sound like your less of a mum, less of a woman for not pushing it out your lambing end, its irrelevant, and wrong.

dreamingofbeer said...

This sounds so familiar! I only found out about my breech little bundle at 38 1/2 weeks but went through all the same emotions and did what I can now say were ridiculous things (hanging off the sofa with a bag of frozen peas balanced on my bump - seriously!!)

There is such negativity about sections and like you I've enjoyed spreading a bit of positivity when friends are faced with the same situation. At the end of the day, the safety of your baby is paramount, so who gives a flying fig how they come into the world!

Blue Sky said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. It all worked out well in the end and that's what really matters isn't it?  Smiley was a footling breech and for years I wondered 'what if' I had been given a caesarian ... sometimes they are absolutely necessary xx

northernmum said...

Heather that made me sob big fat happy tears.

Lovely story.

Had two sections still think I am bloody impressive for creating three kids!

Fi (childcareisfun.co.uk) said...

*wipes a tear* what a lovely story.

It's so lovely to hear that although you couldn't have the birth you planned it was still a very special moment. I love that you went to dinner the night before and knew the very next day you would be parents- that's so lovely and makes me get all emotional!

Thanks for sharing!

mid30slife said...

What a great story!  It's nice to hear a positive c-section story.  I considered having an elective one for my second, as the recovery from the first took months. 

I was breech when I was born - Mum still says it was the worst experience of her life (although, ahem, she had me).  She had me naturally with a nurse and my Dad there to help.  Dad tried to reassure Mum by telling her he had done this many times.  She yelled back, "With cattle, Ian, WITH CATTLE!!!!!!!!!!"    I was very purple and bruised, they thought I was dead, but TA-DAH!!! I was not.  

Sorry Mum. 

Pampered Mummy said...

Great post and yes a lot of women hate that they needed to have a c-section but at the end of the day most have to have them as a vaginal birth is too dangerous for mother and baby. Thanks for the comment on my post.

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks Tas :)  Hope you found arnica...I really believe it helped my recovery x

SAHMlovingit said...

I'm glad the tears were happy Jane!  Thanks for your comment.

Yes your comment finally came through - silly disqus!  

You're bloody impressive for a lot of things lady....no more so than your ability to quaff that processo at CyberMummy ;) x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks again Lindsey, I really appreciate you commenting like this.  Means a lot coming from you (and thanks again for the RT) x

SAHMlovingit said...

I think it's good to share positivity about sections.  Obviously if they can be avoided it's best but sometimes needs must :) Thanks Emma x

SAHMlovingit said...

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it C.  Thanks for your comment x p.s. Let me know when you're next over in Wales.

SAHMlovingit said...

Hahaha "With cattle, Ian, WITH CATTLE!!!!!!!!!!" That made me snort (what is it with my snorting these days?)  Thanks for your comment.  You may have been purple and bruised but you're bloody gorgeous x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks again for your comment Kizzy.  I think it's important that any birth should be classed as 'normal' as per your post because otherwise mums will always feel that their birth wasn't x

mid30slife said...

Awwww shucks.  xx

stromi said...

That's a lovely story that put a little smile on my face. Luckily, we never had any negative comments about the fact that our two were both born through sections. Sometimes it's more important to be safe than traditional. Certainly the case for us.

Emma said...

How lovely to hear a positive C Section story. I have always though it seems like a very civilised way to give birth. I did consider a private section with baby H as I was so freaked out from my two previous vaginal births, and would have done it had it not been so expensive. xx

Gorgeous pic of mini cheddar too. xx

Katie said...

Heather your birth experience is so unbelievably much like mine it's spooky. From the fact she was breech, to the c section itself, to the music. I wrote about mine for the gallery this week, it's so weird! I had the most wonderful c section experience and I wouldnt change it for the world. Xx

Workinglondonmummy said...

what a lovely story and such wonderful photos. I had a positive c section too but still not got round to blogging about it as it was all a bit rushed (was an emergency but all done so calmly!) anyhow clad all went well and mini cheddar looks lovely. 

Mañana Mama said...

You are most definitely strong, determined and courageous. What a moving story - sounds about a hundred times more peaceful than the water birth of my eldest! You two look blissfully happy. Well written, thank you for sharing a story so close to your heart. 

SAHMlovingit said...

Thank you Rachel :) I really enjoyed writing it, it felt good to remember it all again like it was only yesterday x

SAHMlovingit said...

You should blog it - I'd love to read it.  Thanks for your lovely comment x

SAHMlovingit said...

I didn't join in with The Gallery this week.  I posted this Tuesday instead. How spooky they are so similar.  I'll head over and have a read in a bit x

SAHMlovingit said...

Aw thanks Emma :)  I think it's good to get the message out there about positive sections as I was so upset when I knew I was going to be having one x

SAHMlovingit said...

Thanks Ian :)  Really appreciate you reading and commenting on my birth story.  Definitely more important to be safe and you're so lucky you and your wife have never had any negative comments.

SAHMlovingit said...

Yes, it is wrong.  Thankfully I've had more than a few people tell me how brave I was to put myself through all that and that I should be proud of myself for achieving such a gorgeous girl and undergoing major surgery to bring her into the world :)

Mummyandthebeastie said...

This is a really lovely account of your birth story and I am glad it was a positive experience in the end. I had an emergency section and it is still surprising the amount of people who comment on having not given birth naturally, I did try for goodness sake and you had the decision taken out of your hands. You are right, all that matters is that your baby is born safely. As my midwife said to me, there are no medals for doing it all natural and with no pain relief! xx

Mummy Beadzoid said...

Awww that is such a lovely story! I had little tears well up when you wrote about the song that was playing on the radio! So perfect!!! :D

It's so great that you turned a potentially upsetting experience, given your plans, into a positive and you look so happy and proud in your photo! xXx

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