Decisions, Decisions...

Matt's interview in America went well - he did his best. Now all we can do is wait.

As I spoke to him last night the uncertainty of even going to the US for this interview has spilled over into what will be if he does get the job.

He's not happy with his work at the moment, he hasn't been for a while. However, his current work allows him to work from home in 'the den' so I'm lucky in respect that, most of the time, he's on hand to help me out. In the early days after MC was born this was a complete Godsend.

He applied for this new job never really thinking he would even get a first interview. To be honest, neither did I. The job looked very high profile (not that he's not, of course) and also more than one language. Being from Derby, Matt even struggles with the English language sometimes!*

So when he got a first telephone interview we were both taken aback. Then he got a second interview. Wow. Then a third one down in London. I thought maybe that would be the end of the line but no. He was due to give a presentation to the head office in Virginia over Skype. Next thing we know - they want to see him. They said they'd fly him out to spend the day with them. He could do the presentation in person and then would have 7 (yes 7!) one-on-ones with various people in the business.

So now here we are awaiting the result which should hopefully come by the end of the week.

He loved the company, loved the people (although he wouldn't be working directly with them) but he said to me last night "If they offer it to me and IF I take it".

"Er? Hold on! 'IF' you take it. What do you mean 'IF'?" I said to him.

MC on Skype with Daddy and Cousin Nick on Sunday.
This may be a more regular occurrence!

So he goes on to explain that he was told that he'd have to go over the the US once a quarter. Plus he'd have to spend some time in London and he doesn't know whether he can cope with that as he'd have to leave me and MC (and the new arrival) again. Thankfully we have relatives that live a stones throw from the US office (Matt spent most of his time over the weekend with them) and they've said that he can stay with them and they'd also love to have me and the kids come out too.

He also said that he never thought he'd get this far and now he has, he's apprehensive. So I asked him why he'd even gone out to the US if he wasn't sure about it. He said he needed to prove to himself he could do it.

So, here we are playing the waiting game. This isn't great when we have a baby due in just less than 5 weeks! If he does get it then last thing I want is him disappearing down to London or even worse, America when there's a new baby on the block!

I'm in two minds about what I want the result to be. I'd be thrilled if he was offered it as it's an amazing opportunity but at the same time I think I may be secretly thrilled if he doesn't get it and I think, from speaking to him last night, that he feels the same. At least then there will be no decision to make and I'll have a husband at home.

All we can do now is wait.





*Obviously a joke before anyone from Derby takes offence ;-)

Absence Really Does Make The Heart Grow Fonder

According to Elton John, 'sorry' seems to be the hardest word.

I'd like to challenge Mr. John (or should I say Mr. Dwight?) over that song. For me 'goodbye' seems to be the hardest word.

As those of you who read my Pregnancy Patter post last Monday will know, Matt had to go away for a short while.  He's still away now, as I write this, and I can honestly say it's been really hard.

It sounds so silly being so upset about him going away for what works out to be not even 5 days but he works from home so I'm used to having him here. Of course, he goes away on business a bit but he usually only goes for one night and the most he's ever been away in the past 8 years has been 2 nights. Also, the furthest he's ever been is Holland.

This time he's over 3,500 miles away.

In America.

We all had a last dinner out together before we
took Daddy to the station - this was just before
we left the restaurant to catch his train

Saying goodbye to him at the end of last week was really difficult. I hate the thought of him being so far away from us. Being 35 weeks pregnant is really making this so hard. I miss him terribly and every time I think about it I get all blubbery and snotty. It doesn't help that Mini Cheddar keeps cuddling me, stroking my hair and saying "It will be okay Mummy. Daddy will be home soon".  I feel like MC is looking after me at the moment! Thankfully yesterday we had 2 video calls with him on Skype which helped a lot.

It's really made me appreciate everything I have. Really made me realise just how much I love my husband. I've always loved him, right from when we first met, but this ache in my heart is horrible. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones heightening everything (I think it is) but the distance and the different time zone that's between us right now is something I can't get my head around. It's also been hard that it's completely taken away our 'family time' at the weekend. Having inlaws in Nottingham means one day every other weekend is spent seeing them so it reduces our weekends together enough as it is.

All I could do last week when we parted was think about how it must feel for people (especially those with children) to be separated for long periods of time. I have a friend who's husband is in the US Army and they went for 15 months without seeing each other - they have 3 children. I just don't know how you get through that. I have a new found appreciation for all the people who spend long periods of time away from their families. Especially those in the forces who can't guarantee that their loved one will return home to them.

A final kiss for Daddy at the train station

I know Matt is finding it equally hard. He was fighting back tears (as was I) as he kissed us goodbye at the train station to get his train down to Heathrow. Before I'd even returned to the car he'd sent me a text saying "I just want to get off this train and come home with you". A couple of days before he was due to leave he started questioning whether he should go or not. He just kept saying "I don't think I can leave you both". The thing is, this is a great opportunity for him - if he gets the job. He's not happy doing what he's doing at the moment and I can see how much it's frustrating him. Problem is, if he does get this job it will eventually mean more travel as the role covers Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Thankfully his immediate focus will be in the U.K. but my mind keeps thinking about the possibility of being separated from him again in the future...and we will have two children by then.

I'm guessing what will be, will be. He has to get the job first.

For now I'm just concentrating on getting through the next couple of days until he's home safe with us again. I can't wait to pick him up from the station on Tuesday afternoon.

It's true what they say - absence does make the heart grow fonder. I didn't think it was possible to love my husband any more but I do.

I miss him so much it hurts.

Silent Sunday #49

Inspired by...