To Share...Or Not To Share?

Last week I wrote a blog post...okay, okay, I kind of wrote a blog post as the majority of it was a copied and pasted email from my gorgeous husband, Matt, telling me how much he loved me etc. I hold my hands up...I was a lazy blogger!

Anyway, after I'd posted it I was asked if Matt minded me posting personal things on my blog.

It got me thinking.

The thing is, Matt knows about my blog and 100% supports it. In fact, when I was thinking of packing it all in after only a couple of months of blogging, he was the one who made me stop pressing delete and boy am I glad he did!

I blogged the letter because, as I said in the post, I wanted to document it for me and the kids. I wanted to record just how lovely my husband can be...when he's not leaving the loo seat up or secretly eating chocolate, that is!

I may not blog as much as I used to but I still love it.

Blogging has given me an outlet in which to share my thoughts and feelings, a place to talk about being a stay-at-home-mum and it's brought me new and very dear friends both virtually and in real life. It's my little piece of cyberspace which will grow with me and my family. It's a place to leave my mark. A place where I hope my children will come to when they are old enough to read about their early years. It's my little corner of the Internet which is mine.

Matt knows that a lot of what goes on in my life goes on my blog. Obviously there are certain things I don't blog about.

I don't blog about our sex life (which is great, if you must know! MC and TC, if you are reading this, please don't be too freaked out by the thought of your Daddy and I doing the bad thing *ahem*), I don't blog about any major current health issues or worries within my circle of family and friends, I don't mention my children's names or friends and families names (Matt being the exception) either. A lot of blogs I see or read do these things. This is a personal choice but it's just something I choose not to do.

But that's what makes blogging so great.

Diversity.

Each and every blog is unique in its own way and that's what I love.

I love the openness and support that blogging offers. I love how you can think you're the only one thinking something then you realise you're not a loon alone after-all.

I do share quite a lot on my blog but I now have 2 years worth of memories, stories and photos to look back on.

I blog with openness and honesty about my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

He's Definitely My Favourite

This post has actually been in the pipeline for a while. I've touched on how I met my husband, Matt in one of my very first blog posts but it's now time to tell the whole story so my daughter has a record of it.

I was married first time around at the age of 22 and divorced by 28...thankfully with no children involved. After a brief spell living with my best friend when we first separated and then renting a house in Chester for almost 2 years with a guy (purely platonic), I finally bought my own little two-bed terrace in the October I turned 29. A perfect place for just me and my little dog Betty.

Since my marriage broke down I'd become involved with a guy I used to work with. Okay, we were basically 'f**k buddies'. There, I said it. It's out there now, ain't no denying it. So shoot me? I'm not proud, it's a part of my life I'd rather forget.

At the time he lived and worked in London but would come up to Chester at weekends occasionally or I'd go down there.  I'd have the odd relationship with other guys and he'd become insanely jealous but he never wanted to commit to having a proper serious relationship with me.

If he knew I was with a guy he'd keep texting or ringing me and it became really awkward but still I'd let him do it.  I'd be angry at him but he had a way with the words and a simple charm, a look and a kiss that would melt my heart and make me run to him.  No bloke ever took my attention away from him and I hated that.  I began to tire of his hold over me but I just couldn't break free - he was like a drug.

I don't know whether I was feeling lonely after New Year that year or what but I decided to join an online dating site. I think at the time I just wanted to see what would happen and have a little fun and I picked January to do it!  I chatted to a lot of blokes on the messaging service and filtered out a lot of weirdos.  I arranged to meet a guy for coffee in town one afternoon and, as much as we enjoyed eachothers company, we knew it wasn't going to turn into anything so after a brew and a natter we went out separate ways.

I'd done it.  I'd actually met up with a guy on the Internet, I felt brave finally! I was off the starting blocks!

A young Matt and a young Betty

The website had a 'favourites' folder where you could mark people in your favourites but what made it great was you could see who had added you to their favourites.  When I discovered this feature I was amazed to see I had a lot of guys who obviously liked me....I went through them.  I then came across this guy called Matt who had added me a few days earlier but he hadn't contacted me.  Why had he added me to 'favourites' but not contacted me?  He was definitely my favourite of the favourites!

What had I got to lose?  I typed out a message to him...

"So, were you just going to add me to favourites and not contact me then?"

I may as well not pussy foot about!

A couple of days later he messaged me back saying he'd been away and busy with work and that he did plan to contact me.

And so the messages continued. We just clicked so much I couldn't believe it. I couldn't wait to get home to check my emails to see if I had a message.  We then decided to swap phone numbers.  He called me and we spent 2.5 hours chatting away about anything and everything.  I rang him the next night and again, we spent over 2 hours talking - the conversation just didn't stop.  We had to meet.  Problem was he lived 100 miles away in Derby.

He then contacted me to say he'd drive up that Saturday night (31st January) and we'd go out.

I was so nervous but also SO excited.  We agreed to meet at a neutral place not far from my house and then we went into town.  We went to Zizzi's for a bite to eat and then out for a few drinks around town (obviously he wasn't drinking though).  The conversation just kept flowing and by my 3rd vodka I was willing him to kiss me - he didn't.

We drove back to my house and I invited him in.  We sat on the sofa and talked until 2am.  Then he put his drink down and said "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" I said, wondering what it was going to be

"Can I kiss you?" he smiled.

"Yes" I breathed.

The first time he met
my family at a wedding

Then he leaned over, took my face in his hands and kissed me.  It melted me right there and then.  The best kiss ever.

I wanted him to stay.  He wanted to stay.  But neither of us really pushed anything. He said he'd better get back as it would take him a while and with that, he drove home.  I waited until he text me at 4am when he got back home safely and fell asleep the happiest I'd felt in a long time.

He then asked me if I wanted to visit him the next weekend.  I was ecstatic and couldn't wait - I even booked the Friday afternoon off work.

I'd been so wrapped up in this little bubble of happiness that I was brought back down to earth with a bang when my FB contacted me on the Tuesday. He said he was up in Manchester on the Wednesday night and he wanted me to join him at the hotel.  I said yes to get him off my back but I had absolutely no intention of going.  That Wednesday he rang me to ask what time I'd be there and I told him that I wasn't coming.  When he asked why I told him I'd met someone special.  He wasn't happy.  He tried to wear me down - even going so far as to picture message me with him looking all sad.  It was quite pathetic.

Somehow I just knew that things with Matt were going to be different.  I felt a strong connection with him and I didn't want anything to jeopardise that.  If I had gone to Manchester that night, Matt would never have known but I would have known and it would have tainted my relationship with him even though I'd only met him the once.  My FB tried desperately to wear me down over the next weeks that followed, even saying he'd start a serious relationship with me. Ha! I didn't crack at all - I thought too much of Matt already and I just knew he was 'the one'.

Friday 18th May 2007

In Hawaii

The upshot of it all is that Matt moved from Derby up here to live with me after only 5 months of dating as we couldn't stand only seeing eachother at weekends.  I sold my house and we bought a house together just over 5 years ago.  4 years ago in the January just gone he proposed to me over dinner here for our 'anniversary' (31st January - when we first met) and we were married in the May of that year - no hanging about for us!  Just after our first wedding anniversary I was pregnant with Mini Cheddar who turned 2 years old in March.

It's our 4th wedding anniversary on 18th May and I can honestly say I love him more and more each day.  I couldn't imagine him not being in my life.  I adore him with every part of me... he's my friend, my lover, my soul mate, my companion, my rock - my heartbeat.

Corny, but true.

I still have all the messages we originally sent each other, all the letters, notes and important things from our relationship in a box upstairs - he kept everything too.  Even now, when we are apart for even just one night he will leave me a note in my luggage if I'm away or a note on my pillow if he's away.

I love him completely.

I was going to post this for our wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks but the very lovely SuperAmazingMum and ManicMum have started a new 'Peeping Tom' meme and they bullied me into joining up!

Missing In Cyberspace

As the technological world grows more vast we rely on the relationships we build up with people we've never even met before. Although we've never met them before we feel close to them.  I've built up some fabulous relationships on BabyCentre, Twitter and through blogging. Through these digital social networks I've met what I consider to be friends even though I've only ever 'spoken' to people with type and only ever seen photos of them.

Photo credit: jscreationzs

We make friends with people all over the world and build up fabulous online relationships, sharing little corners of our lives with them. Laughing at jokes, crying through sad times, congratulating eachother on achievements and special occasions.

I've blogged about how online relationships really matter to me before in one of my first ever posts. As a stay at home mum, sometimes these connections are so important - they really kick in when you have a poorly little one or the weather is bad and you can't venture out into the 'real world'.

Over the past couple of weeks I've become increasingly concerned about a blogging friend of mine.  She's not posted on her blog or on Twitter for 4-5 weeks. There was no notification that she was going away - it just stopped. This is someone who I considered a friend even though she lives far away from me and I've never met her. I've messaged her on Twitter and nothing and still her blog remains untouched.

It's got me worried that something serious has happened. I hope it hasn't, I hope she's just taking some time out from the digital social network.

I think this is the real downside to online relationships.

I read a couple of years ago about this happening. People will lose touch or go AWOL from cyberspace then eventually it becomes apparent that the person is seriously ill or even worse, has passed away. After all, we don't truly know these people. The only contact we have with them is through the Internet so when something like that happens, they just go missing.  Like they've dropped off the face of...well, cyberspace.

It's moments like this when I dislike the 'virtual world'. I hate not knowing if something bad has happened to someone or if they need help in some way. It's totally out of my control as I sit at my laptop not knowing if someone, somewhere in cyberspace is going through a bad time.

I hope she's okay.

Online Matters

I did something this morning that took a lot of courage for me considering something I went through last September.  I met up for a play date with someone I’d never even clapped eyes on before - not even a picture.  Not only that but we’d only exchanged a couple of emails and a few text messages so hadn’t really built up a cyber-friendship.

The thing is, I actually met my husband, Matt, online 7 years ago.  When I used to tell people about this they were amazed but over the past few years it’s more or less become the norm to meet friends, lovers and spouses online – hell, with the birth of ancestry websites people are even meeting family online!

I think the world wide web opens just that up to us – the world.  People now understand the power of the Internet for forming new relationships although there are a handful of people who are still sceptical of this.  They think meeting online people involves a bunch of saddos or perves.  Granted, there are a few of these but that’s just the same as there is in the ‘real’ world.

For me, joining an online dating website wasn’t a big deal, (I had been married at the age of 22 and divorced before 28) I was 29 and living alone with my dog Betty (aka Dogface).  Most of my friends were married or in long-term relationships and some had children.  I wasn’t desperate to be with someone but I was sick and tired of going out with single friends and meeting idiots.   I wanted some fun without being leered at, lager dribbled on me and paying for drink, club entrance fees and taxis.

I signed up to the site just after Christmas and I actually enjoyed sifting through the messages to remove all the weirdos.   It was the 25^th of January when I noticed a guy who had added me to his ‘favourites’.  He ticked all the right boxes on his profile and his pictures looked good too.   We made contact via email and phone and on 31^st January he drove up to Chester from Derby to see me. We moved in together 6 months later and the rest is history.

The point I’m getting at – in a rather long-winded way, as usual – is that online matters to me.  I will always embrace the opportunities and relationships that the Internet can offer me.  I almost lost that confidence last year due to someone I met online but I can’t deny what the Internet has given me.  It’s given me a core handful of close friends, a few good friends and acquaintances but more importantly it’s given me my life – my husband and now my daughter.

Three cheers for the Internet!

p.s. The meet with my now new friend was superb.  She’s lovely – as are all the people I’ve met online who I now call my friends…you know who you are :-)


Photo by: graur razvan ionut