A few weeks ago now I visited a local indoor play centre. We are lucky enough to have two large ones within a 15 minute drive of our house and I probably don't use them enough as Mini Cheddar loves them.
They are never overly busy either, in fact once we had one of them to ourselves once.
I'll often go with a friend but sometimes Mini Cheddar and I like to go just the two of us. I love seeing her face light up as she realises where we are going and her excited shrieks and eagerness to get inside. She desperate to get her shoes off and start exploring and I love to join her on the bigger equipment and slide down the huge blue wavy slide together.
This particular day there were probably about 5 or 6 other Mums and Dads there with their children. A couple together but most on their own. Mini Cheddar and I went off to explore the 'big kids' area.
As we were playing a little girl approached us, not much older than MC (I'd say she was about 3 years old). She came right up to me and almost pushed MC out of the way. "Can I play with you?" she said holding up her hand to try and grab mine.
"Where's your Mummy sweetie?" I asked
"She's too busy to play"
"Are you here with your Daddy?" I replied, thinking Mummy was maybe at work.
"No, I'm here with Mummy. She's just too busy".
This little girl then proceeded to follow Mini Cheddar and I around the play centre all morning.
I didn't hold her hand, even though every part of me wanted to but I was conscious she didn't know me and that, essentially, she'd be holding hands with a stranger.
I felt awful about it.
All this little girl wanted was to play with an adult through the large and sometimes daunting maze of steps and slides.
As we all went down the big slide together, the little girl waved and shouted "Hello Mummy!"
I noticed a woman reading some trashy novel look up from her cappuccino. She forced a fake smile and returned to her book.
Later on, Mini Cheddar and I headed back to our table to get some lunch and the little girl ran over to her Mummy "Mummy, come play with us, it's fun" it she excitedly.
"I'm busy, go play by yourself and don't be annoying other people" came the reply, hardly looking up from her book.
I saw the disappointed look on the little girls face and I just wanted to give her a cuddle.
I haven't been back to the centre since. The memory of that little girls face still stays with me.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I devote 100% of my attention to MC 24/7. I'm not saying there aren't times when I'm busy. I'm not saying that sometimes I will let the TV babysit MC for 20 minutes whilst I grab a break.
However, I'm not in the habit of letting strangers babysit my daughter.
This woman knew that her daughter had tagged along with us playing. For me, that would have been the point when I would have put my book down and given my daughter the adult attention she needed.
MC and I will return the play centre and I'll continue to play with her as much as she needs.
I just hope I'm there in the capacity of a Mummy and not as a Nanny too.
44 comments:
Well it may not have been what you had planned, but I think it's great that you included that little girl in your play with MC, you both made sure that she had a lovely time x
It's such a shame that this mother is like this, now don't get me wrong me, like yourself is not the ideal mummy, and yes I do at Mums and Tots and a play centre enjoy the fact that I can drink a hot cup of tea for a 5/10minute break however you do pay for 2 hours in these places, kick your shoes off and choose it to be an excuse to act like a big child again. (p.s my bottom has gotten stuck on many a slide in these places, haha)
How do you know that the adult hadn't spent that morning playing and wanted some time out/needed some adult time? Perhaps this was the ONLY time she could have to herself - and what better way to do it, than to take your kids to a pay and play centre - so they can run themselves ragged and explore lots of new and wonderful things on their own and with other children?
How do you know she didn't have mobility issues. How do you know that she didn't have mental health issues and for her own sanity needed to take some time out? How do you know she isn't a working mum and is exhausted? You don't and I positively dislike parents who judge other parents without knowing all the facts. This superior parenting thing is OLD.
Thanks for your comment.
Maybe she did just want some time out. I'm only speaking from the 2 hours or so that I observed whilst I was there. As I said in my post, I don't claim to be a perfect parent - far from it. I didn't spend the 3 hours I was there with MC completely, she played on her own for a while when I had a coffee and a break and sometimes just a sit down.
She didn't have mobility issues from what I observed from her comings and goings either and I'm sure if she did she would have said to her daughter that she was "unable" to play rather than "busy". Also, her daughter would probably have known about this.
Just because I'm a stay-at-home mum doesn't mean I judge working parents and I still work myself doing freelancing and I volunteer one day a week for Save The Children. It's not superior parenting, it's making an observation about how I felt about a situation.
You say you dislike parents who judge other parents but you've just judged me.
Again, thanks for your comment. It is good to hear other sides from people.
I enjoyed a couple of coffees :) It's the tube slide at one of the places we go to that's the killer, you have to be a contortionist to get yourself into it and it gives you little shocks when you go down it!
Oh and there's no time limit on the ones near us...a flat fee and and you can stay all day! Lots of time to be a big kid.
I hope so. I'm sure it was just a one off x
I'm a working mum, yet if I find the time to go to one of these places, which I do often, it's to spend quality time playing with my son. Not to have adult time.
I have witnessed children get hurt while their parents take a 'break' the staff at these places are not childcare providers, and the signage states children MUST be supervised. I will call out on any parent with a nose in their book, of course it's fine to sit & have a coffee after runningaround for a bit , but WATCH your child, jump to your feet at the 1st sign of trouble. If you are reading a book you are NOT watching and if your child gets hurt or hurts my child, or another child then the fact is, your where reading a book and NOT being a responsible parent!!!
I understand what 'another guest' may have meant by maybe using the time as 'me' time. But you cannot have 'me' time when your child is in an unsupervised area such as an adventure playground /softplay centre, as another commentator pointed out, there are signs reminding parents to be vigilant.
I absolutely love reading but I do not do it when my daughter is around, unless she is reading too otherwise it is unfair to her. Our children grow up within a blink of an eye and I don't want one day to regret missing it because I was too preoccupied in my books / work emails / tiredness when I should could have been letting it all hang out with the little ones!!
I don't tend to experience this, either because I've got a child-repelling demeanour, or because I'm a bloke. But I sympathise with you. However, I would have gone one step further and 'had a word' with the parent, to find out the score. As for the comment from 'Another guest' - come out of the closet and shed your anonymity. It's easy to judge when you're hiding. At least SAHMlovingit has the honesty to put her face and name to her post, regardless of whether you agree with it or not.
Keith aka Reluctant Housedad
I think we all want some time to ourselves and quite rightly, being a parent is hard work. However there could have been a balance between some independant play and some parental involvement. If I saw another adult playing with my child, I would at least go and say hi and make sure the adult was happy with their child playing with mine. In fact this does happen as 2 of my kids are so confident they often join in with others. Althought from what I read of Heathers account it does sound as if the child wanted Heather to play with rather than M/C and that is very sad.
Mich x
I'm genuinely shocked by this, and I really feel for the little girl at the play centre, it breaks my heart to see kids craving attention like that. I had an experience recently which bothered me, a little girl was there with her Mum, who was obviously meeting a group of her friends who also had kids. This little girl and my daughter took an immediate shine to each other and spent the entire time running around holding hands, tickling each other and shrieking with laughter...only for the other mother to repeatedly draw her child away, so she could play with the children she was 'supposed' to be playing with. My little one's feeling were visibly hurt, but the other Mum didn't give a toss.
Just goes to show the dramas that can happen at a soft play centre.
I have seen this so many times at different play centre's, its a little bit heartbreaking when all the child wants to do is spend some time with mummy.
I love play centre's and it is going to be one thing i miss when i go back to work, but the weekends will be packed full of adventures and smiles. xx
This happens to my husband every time we go to soft play (must be his mad brilliant soft play skills lol) and he is always so conscious of other peoples children following him as he doesn't want anyone to think its inappropriate. A little girl asked him to lift her up onto the higher part od the play equipment so he said you better ask your mummy or daddy to help and the little one told him that mummy had gone out for a fag - little girl was 3!!!!!!!
Thanks for giving us all something to think about. Personally, when I'm feeling lazy I'll often just watch while my son plays on the equipment but I make sure he knows I'm watching. There's lots of waving and 'Wow, that was a really big jump' etc. Obviously you can't know every detail of this woman's life but as long as we're all aware of that it's perfectly ok to just write about your observations and how you felt about it. We're blogging, after all, not researching a PhD!
I can understand that people want a break sometimes but there is a time and a place. Personally I don't see a Soft Play Centre as the time to sit and read a book whilst your child runs around.
We haven't been to the soft play centre for [shamefully] almost a year. I am so gutted and annoyed at myself for not taking Charles to the soft play centre 5 minutes away whilst it was just the two of us. I really admire you for going as just the two of you [infact none of my friends go with just them and their children]
Whenever we did/do go I NEVER let Charles out of my site. Firstly because of the equipment, yes I know there is padding everywhere etc but accidents can still happen. Secondly, because there are mean children around and if Charles came running over to me with a bite mark on his arm or if he'd been hit I'd be devestated that I wasn't there to witness it or to stop it. Ok these are both negative things but thirdly, why would I want to miss out on having fun with my child? To see his smiley face as he raced down the slide [ours is also blue and wavy] and him shouting "more!! again again!!".
Tomorrow we're going to the zoo and rather than cuddling my newborn I am going to make a concious effort to hand him over to someone else so I can jump in the balls and go down the slides in the soft play room with Charles.
I was about to say the same as you re mobility issues: "I'm sure if she did she would have said to her daughter that she was
"unable" to play rather than "busy". Also, her daughter would probably
have known about this."
Also, WATCH YOUR CHILD!! DON'T SIT AND READ A BOOK!!!
I totally understand why this upset you so much Heather. This type of thing happens to me all the time and it makes me so angry...why the hell should you babysit a strangers child while she has her special me time! Whether you are a working Mum or a SAHM you are knackered most of the time...even more so when you are at home with the kids all day. You really didn't come across as a ""superior parent" you have just blogged about a typical parenting situation! x
"I would at least go and say hi and make sure the adult was happy with their child playing with mine"
Exactly Mich. I wouldn't have minded if she'd acknowledged me, said thank you to me or made some sort of contact at least. The little girl couldn't get up the steps properly to the big slide, she really struggled as she wasn't much bigger than MC x
Thanks Mama S. It was so upsetting and I've been thinking about it for weeks now which is why I needed to blog about it. You're so right that being knackered is a trait shared by ALL mums. I wouldn't have minded so much if this woman had acknowledged me in some way. As you know, I'd never be a 'superior parent' - it's not in my nature. MC is my first child and I'm learning with each dawning day x
Yes, you're so right, a soft play centre isn't somewhere to sit and read a book - especially when your child is only 3 years old. If that had been MC playing with an adult and her child I would have been straight over to them and joined in x
Exactly. I have felt awful about it and I've been thinking about blogging about it for a while - I'll never forget that little girl reaching her hand up to me constantly so desperate for me to hold it. It got to me that much that I didn't hold MC's hand as much as I didn't want to upset her.
That's just outrageous. Gone out for a fag? Jeez.
This little girl with us was only 3 and I don't think she should have been unsupervised in the 'bigger kids' section.
I'm just like a big kid when I go to one :) x
Wow, more play centre drama. It's crazy isn't it? Can't believe that a mother would pull their child away from what must clearly have been a play centre bonding between your daughter and her little girl.
Thanks Keith. I don't think I would have the guts to have a word with this woman, she didn't look approachable at all. As for the 'a child-repelling demeanour' I clearly need to get me one of those ;)
Brilliant comment. Thank you. This is what I'm getting at and I too understand what 'Another Guest' (don't you just love people who hide behind the computer screen) was getting at. I don't berate anyone for having some me time - we all need it whether we are working or not - but what did make me cross was the Mums attitude. Not only to her little girl but to me. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
A great point well made. These play centres can be dangerous places, especially for little ones. This girl was not much older than my own daughter and I wouldn't have left her unsupervised at all. Thanks for your comment.
This is so sad. I love going to soft play centres with E but it's hard to go now with I in tow as I don't want to take my eyes off E!
I found this really upsetting, these are the sorts of days that memories are made of. I would be mortified to think my little girl's memories were of loneliness and not fun.
I know I'm a day late to this but I'm incredibly sad having read it too. And angry. I would also be worried what people thought if I sat there with nose in a book or texting the whole time. I feel self conscious if I reply to just one text while I'm out on my own with Babyzoid.
And for that anonymous commenter to chide someone for being judgemental is just plain silly and frankly weird. Perhaps someone was feeling defensive?
What you were judging was the behaviour, the neglect, the disinterested parenting, and too bloody right! Yes sometimes people have 'other stuff' going on but if we all just turn away and say 'best not judge' then that's how situations of serious neglect and child cruelty get missed.
Anyway, I'm glad that the little girl found you and mini cheddar to play with. Hopefully next time the woman will be having a better day and will feel inclined to pay her daughter some attention.
Xx
Thanks for your comment hun. You're SO right.
My opinion is that the woman should have put her book down as soon as she saw me essentially baby sitting her daughter. I'm not into superior parenting, as you know, so for someone to come on my blog (anonymously) and accuse me/judge me of that is laughable to be honest. I suspect it's not someone who reads my blog regularly or they would know this - I think it's probably just someone who's seen my post flag up on the netmums blogging network as they were very quick to post.
xx
Thanks for your comment Alice and thanks for stopping by my blog. I too found it very upsetting, it's been on my mind for a while now and I felt the only way to try and deal with it was to blog it :)
I can imagine it must be hard trying to cope with two little ones x
Not to imply that I'm a super parent who's never had an off day - but this is heartbreaking. I like goofing around with precocious kids who approach me when we are out and about, but certainly not in this context. I hope her mama runs out of pages, gets herself a nap or two and remembers how to goof around with her own kid again.
How sad that the mother in question doesn't realise what SHE is missing out on. I can't understand Another Guest's outburst either unless she was the mother???
Personally when I'm in these huge places, I cannot leave my girls on their own, I'm always watching sometimes near sometimes far but the worry of kids banging into them (purposefully or not) them hurting themselves or worse the worry of kidnap, assault etc means I'm on the ball, if I want to read a book I do that in my own back garden whilst they run and play
and another thing I don't have that patience with other people's children, I would have made eye contact with the mother and made her see her little one needed her
I enjoyed a couple of coffees :) It's the tube slide at one of the places we go to that's the killer, you have to be a contortionist to get yourself into it and it gives you little shocks when you go down it!
First to put my hand up to say that I sit on my ass sometimes and drink coffee but I, like you said, would have been mortified when seeing that she was playing with someone else and genuinely felt awful.
Blogs are usually places that people chose to share their personal views, observations, thoughts, they are not fact or judgements.
I hope you don't mind, but I've just put a link to this post on my blog http://offcumden.blogspot.com/2011/08/are-soft-play-centres-good-for-our.html
Not at all :)
I will sit on my ass drinking coffee too but I do also play with MC. Yes indeed Caroline, it seems there's a lot of negativity around at the moment.
Haha, maybe she was the mother ;)
I think if it happens again I'd have to say something as I can't have it playing on my mind like that again x
It was heartbreaking for me, that's why I needed to blog it for therapy as it had been playing on my mind. I'm a big kid me, I love goofing around at play centres. I'm avoiding them at the moment with it being summer holidays though x
So Im guilty of using the soft play place as an area to chill out with a coffee and a book *braces to take the punches* when the children need to let off steam - but that's never when Emma is there - but when Im there with my 2 older children (7&13), who play together and make friends in a heartbeat, they are in the older kids bit that adults arent allowed onto anyway *justifying* and I'm the mum who does the 'wow fantastic' and 'what a great big jump you did there' comments, but usually from my chair, the times I have taken Emma - she runs in and out and plays and jumps and loves it, and Im a lot more involved with her. The only thing Im not sure of is there were certainly times when I was very unwell when I might well have been that mother desperately trying to hang onto my sanity so perhaps thats why I dont feel angry about it, more sad and conscious that other people probably observed I wasnt a very good mummy as well
I enjoyed a couple of coffees :) It's the tube slide at one of the places we go to that's the killer, you have to be a contortionist to get yourself into it and it gives you little shocks when you go down it!
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